Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Kelley Mathews

Home
Family, Parenting and Religion
Beyond Awkward Side Hugs: A Better Model for Relationships

Beyond Awkward Side Hugs: A Better Model for Relationships

Last updated on: April 22, 2020 at 10:17 am by Kelley Mathews

Beyond Awkward Side Hugs: A Better Model for Relationships 2020-04-22T10:17:14-05:00 Kelley Mathews

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

This sounds like a book for singles, yet you have been married for over fifteen years. Who exactly is your target audience, and what qualifies you to write on this topic?

Funny enough, early cover art for my book had a lot of pictures of awkward couples, and my feedback was “this makes it look like it’s a book for singles about dating.. which it isn’t.” Ha! I’d say my target audience is the “majority” church—adults between 20 and 50 who are committed to the Bible and to nuclear family values. I wanted to encourage the church to take a bigger view of family: singles need the church to do this, and actually I really believe married people need to do this, too. This book is for anyone in the church who has felt unsure of how to handle themselves in a male-female relationship in church circles… anyone who’s ever experienced an awkward side hug.

Why me? Well, maybe I’ve had more than my fair share of side hugs? But seriously: I’ve sat with hundreds of people who have poured our their confusion and concerns, their frustration and fear about how to practically navigate relationships with the men and women around them. And because I’ve been asked about it in my ministry roles so much, I’ve read about it a ton. I took a lot of classes at seminary, but not one in relational theology. Given how often the topic comes up in actual pastoral practice, I thought we needed to do some more work there.

Law School and seminary graduate, South African living in California … you have a unique background. What led you to your current ministry and specifically to writing this book?

The short (cliched, yet accurate) answer is: Jesus. The slightly longer answer: A failed relationship just as I finished law school led to a life pivot, which led me to seminary. Soon after I started working in vocational ministry among professional businesswomen (who were then grappling with how they could be partners and managers and co-workers with men at work, but didn’t know where to stand or where they fit in in church), I met my husband, who promptly decided to pursue a Ph.D. in the States. I started volunteering in college ministry while he was at grad school, and we’ve landed up working and ministering in the same college town the past sixteen years. College students and young adults have lots of questions about relationships, dating, and marriage, so I’ve had many years to think about this!

What is/was:

Your favorite research moment:

I love this question! My favorite story from researching this story is told in the last chapter of the book: I met a woman in the lunch line during a writing residency fellowship. She asked what my book was about and I did my very best to give her a summary before we got to the dinner rolls. She stared at me blankly and I panicked a little … trying to explain using different words. She finally confessed she had no idea what I was talking about. I was crushed at my utter inability to explain why this book might be needed … until she explained that she was in fact a nun, and had taken holy orders 50 years ago. The question of giving or receiving mixed messages about sexuality or learning to live as a sister or brother in Christ was literally something she hadn’t had to think about for half a century. Her job title was “sister”! We had a good laugh about that.

One important quote from the book:

How you describe the book to your kids:

We talk a lot about church family in our house: it’s the bedrock biblical truth underlying why we cook, spend, host, decorate, and live as we do – we try to make space for the family of God, or for people who aren’t yet part of his family to get a taste of it. They know this book is about healthy relationships within church families, and that’s probably enough for now. 🙂

Your favorite American-accent word that’s different from your South African pronunciation (because you know I love your accent!)

I love the American word y’all. I really do. But I can’t say it without saying like I’m trying much too hard! The plural “you” is so prevalent in scripture: the Bible is addressed to us CORPORATELY – all y’all – not just us individually. I wish South African pronunciation had something even close to the awesomeness of all y’all.

The best link to find BASH:

Head to www.beyondawkwardsidehugs.com, which has links to all the places where it is sold, as well as fun memes and reviews from various other peeps. You can also download a free chapter there if you want more of a sampler!

More about Bronwyn:

Bronwyn Lea has been active for twenty years in vocational ministry to serve, encourage, teach, and mobilize Christians of all ages. A graduate of law school and seminary, she ministers in her local church and also heads up Propel Sophia, the Christian living wisdom resource for Propel Women. Bronwyn is mom to three school-aged kids, who keep her somewhere between hilarious laughter and desperate prayer on any given day. She and her fellow South African husband live in Northern California, where they count the men and women in their church as both friends and family. Learn more at www.bronlea.com.

Previous Post

February 12, 2020

Helping Expectant Dads Survive Pregnancy

Next Post

May 19, 2020 The Woman Who Worked For Hitler . . . and the Woman Who Defied Him

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category adoption art bible Bible study books compassion creation culture dogs facebook faith family friendship funeral grieving justice leadership Mardi Gras marriage memorial mental illness milestones missions MOPS movies parenting politics race relationships social media technology Thanksgiving theology trusting God Uncategorized wedding women worship

Select a Month June 2021 April 2021 February 2021 January 2021 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 November 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 October 2013 September 2013 October 2012 August 2012 January 2012 October 2011 May 2011 February 2011 January 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

How many times does the book of Genesis mention "God created"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

5 11 9 7

Books by This Author Books by Kelley Mathews

See All Titles »