UPDATED: Variety Depicts Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer as a Suffering Christlike Figure (and a ‘False Prophet’)

Last updated on: May 24, 2016 at 8:17 am by Kate O'Hare

UPDATED: Variety Depicts Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer as a Suffering Christlike Figure (and a ‘False Prophet’) 2016-05-24T08:17:30-08:00 Kate O'Hare

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Check out this tweet from Andrew Wallenstein, co-editor-in-chief of showbiz trade publication Variety:

A sneak peek at tomorrow’s @Variety magazine cover story by @xpangler…Marissa Mayer like you’ve never seen her! pic.twitter.com/ZeEXXayHj9

— Andrew Wallenstein (@awallenstein) May 23, 2016

Poor Marissa Mayer. Obviously what she suffers as the highly paid CEO of Yahoo! is a burden similar to that of Christ carrying his Cross. Or, as tech blog Gizmodo put it:

It’s unclear what, exactly, Variety is going for here, beyond an exercise in poor taste. Mayer died for our sins? Is her red suit supposed to symbolize the blood she’s spilled while at Yahoo? Does the skull on the ground represent the poor Yahoo shareholders screwed over by bad management and poor decisions? Marissa Mayer is tired? Marissa Mayer’s Zamboni ride wasn’t worth it? Marissa Mayer couldn’t handle lifting the weight of a massive, billion-dollar company? We should pray for Marissa Mayer?

It’s been about 20 minutes now, and I still can’t really figure out what’s going on, but if you have a better idea, feel free to leave it in the comments. It’s either that, or I’m going to get stoned and start throwing out some alternative interpretations.

Just when you think the mainstream media couldn’t be more callous and ignorant about Christianity, it digs itself a new bottom (and in the interests of full disclosure, I used to freelance for Variety). By the way, before carrying His Cross, Christ was arrested, beaten and tortured. Afterward, He was nailed to said Cross and ultimately died from suffocation after hours of unimaginable agony.

If Yahoo! is sold and Mayer is ousted, The New York Times says:

Yahoo’s chief executive, Marissa Mayer, will walk away with a $55 million severance package if the company’s auction of its Internet operations culminates in a sale that ousts her from her job. The payout, which was disclosed in a regulatory filing on Friday with the Securities and Exchange Commission, would consist of cash, stock awards and other benefits if she is forced out within a year after a sale.

Yeah, that’s totally the same thing.

Oh, and the cover does say that there’s “no resurrection in sight” — just in case you didn’t get the reference — but I wouldn’t waste much time worrying about Mayer’s bank account.

UPDATE:

And the story headline makes it even worse.

COVER STORY: Yahoo’s False Prophet: How Marissa Mayer Failed to Turn Her Company Around https://t.co/iugfUEpHH7 pic.twitter.com/gBjBEItBPS

— Andrew Wallenstein (@awallenstein) May 24, 2016

Image: Variety logo

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