Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Stories - with Kaitlin B. Curtice

Home
Progressive Christian
I’m Tired of Being Afraid of Older White Men

I’m Tired of Being Afraid of Older White Men

Last updated on: December 6, 2017 at 9:16 am by Kaitlin B. Curtice

I’m Tired of Being Afraid of Older White Men 2017-12-06T09:16:36-04:00 Kaitlin B. Curtice

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Untitled design-2

I stood in line at the grocery store, the ten things or less aisle, with a bottle of wine and two packages of chocolates to share with my husband when I got home.

The man in front of me, probably in his early to mid 50s, was wearing a suit with a gold watch, texting someone on his phone. He’d smile and look at it, then put it back in his pocket.

He was buying beer and toilet paper.

Normally, if someone had smiled in the aisle of the grocery store at a text message on their phone, I’d have thought nothing of it, but in America today, it’s heavy in the front of my mind constantly. Older white men aren’t to be trusted.

I trusted older men when I was younger. They were my caretakers. They were my pastors and my leaders.

But then I realized that I could be manipulated by them. I saw the stories come out about other women who have been manipulated, assaulted, harassed, and suddenly what was so safe became toxic and terrifying– a veil lifted to discover a true reality.

Suddenly, I could see the stains of patriarchy all over the place, and those stains spread from generation to generation.

In my late teens, I was on a worship team at a newly planted church. I hated it, because as the only woman in the band, I stood aside during practice and listened to the men around me make lewd jokes about their sex lives, wives and girlfriends. I sat and listened to their locker room talk right before we were to lead worship for a church body.

And for some reason, I accepted it as normal, because no one questioned it. No one else was uncomfortable. We were continuing the perpetual sin of a patriarchal Christianity that began the moment the indigenous peoples of America were taken over, enslaved and attacked for not conforming to a model of God believed to be the best model—power and ownership.

But today, as more and more hashtags emerge like #metoo and #churchtoo, we’re remembering. We’re retracing our steps and we’re seeing that a toxic patriarchy pervades every space of power and privilege in America, and it’s leaving us reeling. Those of us who grew up in the church are wondering who the abusers were in our midst that we didn’t notice back then.

And we know it’s not just white men. We know that there are stories of other men, from different races and social circles who also get what they want by the power of patriarchy. But when men like Matt Lauer and Garrison Keillor, America’s everyday heroes, are brought under scrutiny in a different light, the women of America are left trying to make sense of it, trying to find a way to move forward.

And so, I don’t know how to trust anymore. I can’t find a way to separate one man from another, to determine who is good and who is not so good. I can’t find the reasoning that reminds me that the Gospel is good news for everyone, that rain falls on the just and the unjust. I find it difficult to remember that the Gospel keeps us in check, and sits with us both in our goodness and in our evil.

Instead, I sit in mistrust of any man who looks powerful enough to manipulate, strong enough to exert whatever he wants over whoever he wants.

I don’t trust the white man on the street corner.

I don’t trust the white man in my church.

I don’t trust the white man standing in line to buy his own groceries.

And the good men, the truly good ones, are stuck there, too, trying to find a way to stand up and give the microphone to the women around them.

The truly good men in our midst, who long for the Gospel to find its way into our society, are wracking their brains to find better ways to raise young boys and young men who will respect and revere women in our society, our churches, our schools and businesses. They are the ones looking to women for advice, for a way forward. They are the ones trying to make something right here.

But in a patriarchal, colonial society whose own bad consequences are finally surfacing after years of oppressive systems, what now?

What now for the everyday woman, for the Native American woman living near an oil field, for the young woman and the older woman who are terrified to tell their stories?

What now for the new Christian woman looking for guidance in her new church?

What now for the woman standing in line at the grocery store to buy her own groceries, too, struggling to trust the stranger in front of her?

What now, America?

To the truly good men– we need you to tell us that you’re listening, and we need you to do the hard work of dismantling every ounce of patriarchy in your own circles, in your own churches and neighborhoods.

To the men who benefit from patriarchy and abuse power– we need you to step down. We need you to make room and accept that the Gospel is for the least of these, that the Kingdom of God is not one built on money and manipulation.

To the women who don’t trust– step into the light, sisters, and tell us your stories. The world needs to hear them.

You Are America’s Future.

You Are America’s Matriarchs.

Politics & Social Justice

Previous Post

November 27, 2017

Pocahontas Isn't Your Joke Anymore

Next Post

December 11, 2017 Remembering Single Parents This Christmas

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Advent 2016 Adventure Community & One Another Contemplation Lent 2016 Lessons Motherhood Native American Heritage Month 2017 Native American Spirituality Politics & Social Justice Prayer Remembrance Seven Gratitudes Uncategorized

Select a Month April 2018 March 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 August 2013 March 2013 February 2013 November 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz