Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Just One Thing

Home
New Visions
Trust Yourself

Trust Yourself

Last updated on: August 2, 2016 at 10:18 am by Marion Reynolds

Trust Yourself 2016-08-02T10:18:27-07:00 Marion Reynolds

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Who do you trust?

The Practice:

Trust yourself.

Why?

As I grew up, at home and school it felt dangerous to be myself – my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and vulnerable.

Not dangers of violence, as many have faced, but risks of being punished in other ways, or rejected, shunned, and shamed.

So, as children understandably do, I put on a mask. Closed up, watching warily, managing the performance of “me.” There was a valve in my throat: I knew what I thought and felt deep inside, but little of it came out into the world.

From the outside, it looked like I didn’t trust other people. Yes, I did need to be careful sometimes. But mainly, I didn’t trust myself.

Didn’t trust that the authentic me was good enough, loveable enough – and that I’d still be OK if I did mess up. Didn’t have confidence in my own depths, the core of me, that it already contained goodness, wisdom, and love. Didn’t trust the unfolding process of living without tight top-down control. Doubted myself, my worth, my possibilities.

And so I lived all squeezed up, doing well in school and happy sometimes – but mainly swinging between numbness and pain.

In Erik Erikson’s eight stages of human development, the first, foundational, one is about “basic trust.” He focused on trust/mistrust of the outer world (especially the people in it), and to be sure this is important. Yet often what looks like “the world is untrustworthy” is at bottom “I don’t trust myself to deal with it.”

It’s been a lifelong journey to develop more faith in myself, to lighten up, loosen up, swing out, take chances, make mistakes and then repair and learn from them, and stop taking myself so seriously.

Sure, things go wrong sometimes when you trust yourself more. But they go really wrong and stay wrong when you trust yourself less.

How?

Nobody is perfect. You don’t need to be perfect to relax, say what you really feel, and take your full shot at life. It’s the big picture that matters most, and the long view. Yes, top-down tight control and a well-crafted persona may bring short-term benefits. But over the long-term, the costs are much greater, including stress, bottled-up truths, and inner alienation.

With gentleness and self-compassion, take a look at yourself. Is there self-doubt, holding back, fear of looking bad or failing? If you imagine being your full self out loud, is there an expectation of rejection, misunderstanding, or a shaming attack?

Understandably, we are concerned about what seems “bad” or “weak” inside. But challenge that labeling: are those things actually so bad, so weak?? Maybe they’re just rattled, desperate, or looking for love and happiness in young or problematic ways.

Maybe you’ve internalized the criticism of others, and have been hugely exaggerating what is wrong about you.

And missing so much that is already right.

When you ease up and tap into your own core, when you are in touch with your body, in your experience as you express it – what’s that like? How do others respond? What are you able to accomplish, at home or work?

Sure, be prudent about the outer world and recognize when it’s truly unwise to let go, take risks, speak out. And guide your inner world like a loving parent, recognizing that not every thought or feeling or want should be said or enacted.

Meanwhile, if you are like me and every single person I have ever known who has decided to trust one’s own deep self, you will find so much that’s right inside: so much knowing of what’s true and what matters, so much life and heart, so many gifts waiting to be given, so many strengths.

Be your whole self; it’s your whole self that you can trust. This day, this week, this life – see what happens when you bet on yourself, when you back your own play. See what happens when you let yourself fall backward into your own arms, trusting that they will catch you.

The post Trust Yourself appeared first on Dr. Rick Hanson.

Just One Thing

Previous Post

July 24, 2016

QUIZ: Are You Getting the Most Out of Life?

Next Post

August 5, 2016 Rick’s Picks: OCEAN by John Butler

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category art of charm Articles audio audio practice audio program Awareness Be Mindful being for yourself bless Book Excerpt brain change Breath Buddha's Brain bulletproof radio challenge yourself cognitive essentializing dance Dr. Rick Hanson Ecology and Environment Featured Featured Post forgive yourself from the porch Generosity Go Green Gratitude hard things honesty Inner Peace Interviews Just One Thing let go Letting Go lighten up Meditations mindful presence neurodharma Open Out overestimations Parenting Peace podcast Podcasts Quizzes release Rest in Green rick's picks speak truly strategy for happiness Take in The Good Taking in the Good Uncategorized Video you're alright your precious life Your Wise Brain

Select a Month May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 May 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who betrayed Jesus with a kiss?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Herod Peter Thomas Judas