Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Just One Thing

Home
New Visions
From Shame to Self-Worth: Introduction

From Shame to Self-Worth: Introduction

Last updated on: June 15, 2015 at 3:59 pm by Rick Hanson

From Shame to Self-Worth: Introduction 2015-06-15T15:59:05-07:00 Rick Hanson

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

In this three part series, we will look at where shame comes from, in human evolutionary history, and in personal development. There also are three quite powerful exercises in seeing through, releasing, and replacing (with worth) any feelings you may have along the shame spectrum.

The spectrum of feelings in the territory of shame include:

Inadequacy – Sense of being unfit, useless, not up to the task, inferior, mediocre, worthlessness, less than, one down, devalued
Humiliation – Embarrassment, disgrace, degradation, loss of face, slap in the face, comedown
Guilt – I did something bad; [I know it]
Shame – I am something bad; [they know it]
Remorse – Contrition, regret over wrong-doing, feeling abashed, self-reproach, conscience-stricken

These are powerful, sometimes crippling, even lethal emotions (e.g., people killing themselves for the blemishes they think they placed on their family’s honor).

There is a place for healthy remorse in a moral person. But for most people, the shame spectrum of feelings is far too prominent in their psychology – typically not so much in terms of feeling chronic shame, but in terms of how they pull back from fully expressing themselves to avoid the awful experience of a shaming attack.

Why it’s worthwhile to feel worthy:

Simple fairness
Increases well-being
Increases health: you are more likely to invest in medical care and good wellness practices if you feel you are worth caring for
Builds the self-confidence that supports making the sustained efforts that lead to accomplishment – which creates positive cycles that build self-worth
Helps others by (A) not being insecure and needing endless reassurance (can get annoying), and (B) frees internal attention and energy for being of benefit to them

The Opposite of Shame: Self-Worth

Let’s begin our journey at our destination, the sense of self-worth that is the opposite of shame. Its core elements include:

A clear-eyed, reality-based seeing of the true mosaic of oneself: the strengths, the good intentions, the successes and accomplishments, the thousand small unrecognized daily deeds of goodness
Self-respect, self-esteem
Confidence
Inherent sense of value as a person, with the right to be here just as you are
Fundamental independence of external approval. As the 8th century Tibetan sage, Shantideva, said, “Why should I be pleased when people praise me? Others there will be who scorn and criticize. And why be despondent when I’m blamed, since there will be others who think well of me?”
Ultimately, a sense of innermost being that transcends categories of shame or worth

In the days and weeks ahead, we encourage you to keep moving from shame to worth.

Exercise: “What’s A Good Quality You Have?”

You may need to be a little creative to do this exercise on your own, or even better, with a friend.

Here are the instructions for the exercise, which you can adapt freely:

A’s ask B’s these questions, or some variation on them:

What is a good quality you have?

What is a good thing you have done?

In response to the question, B’s find a succinct answer. It’s okay if A’s need to ask something for clarification, but mainly A’s listen.

Then A looks inside and tells B genuinely: I see __________ in you. Or: I believe __________ about you. A’s, only say what you sincerely think.

When A speaks, B’s focus on taking in the ordinary but vital experience of having a good quality or accomplishment seen by another person. Quick reminder: let a good event (A seeing that about you) become felt as a good experience. Have that good experience be big and strong in your mind and body, savor it and make it last. Get the sense of this good experience soaking into you, sinking into your body and mind, and becoming a part of you.

Then A ask the question again – What is a good quality you have? Or: What is a good thing you have done? – and repeat the process.

The post From Shame to Self-Worth: Introduction appeared first on Dr. Rick Hanson.

Previous Post

June 8, 2015

The Beauty of Life in the Face of Death

Next Post

June 19, 2015 Rick’s Picks: Never, Ever Give Up. Arthur’s Inspirational Transformation!

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category art of charm Articles audio audio practice audio program Awareness Be Mindful being for yourself bless Book Excerpt brain change Breath Buddha's Brain bulletproof radio challenge yourself cognitive essentializing dance Dr. Rick Hanson Ecology and Environment Featured Featured Post forgive yourself from the porch Generosity Go Green Gratitude hard things honesty Inner Peace Interviews Just One Thing let go Letting Go lighten up Meditations mindful presence neurodharma Open Out overestimations Parenting Peace podcast Podcasts Quizzes release Rest in Green rick's picks speak truly strategy for happiness Take in The Good Taking in the Good Uncategorized Video you're alright your precious life Your Wise Brain

Select a Month May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 May 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What is the purpose for the Law?

Select your answer to see how you score.

To save people To teach of sin To give hope To bring about adoption