Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Just One Thing

Home
New Visions
Make Good Bargains

Make Good Bargains

Last updated on: February 22, 2013 at 9:18 am by Rick Hanson

Make Good Bargains 2013-02-22T09:18:33-08:00 Rick Hanson

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Is it worth it?
The Practice:
Make good bargains.
Why?

Life is full of tradeoffs between benefits and costs.

Sometimes, the benefits are worth the costs. For example, the rewards of going for a run – getting out in fresh air, improving health, etc. – are, for me at least, worth the costs of losing half an hour of work time while gaining a pair of achy legs. Similarly, it could well be that: getting a raise is worth the awkwardness of asking for one; teaching a child good lessons is worth the stress of correcting her; and deepening intimacy is worth the vulnerability of saying “I love you.”

But other times, the benefits are not worth the costs. For example, it might feel good to yell at someone who makes you mad – but at a big price, including making you look bad and triggering others to act even worse. There are indeed rewards in that third beer or third cookie – but also significant costs, including how you’ll feel about yourself the next day.

We make a thousand choices a day, each one a bargain in which the brain weighs expected benefits against expected costs. Therefore, it’s important to make good bargains, good choices, in which the real benefits are greater than the real costs.

Unfortunately, your brain lies to you all day long. (And to me and to everyone else.)

Here’s why:
• The reward centers of the brain’s limbic system evolved several hundred million years ago. Their relatively primitive processing pursues short-term gratification and basic sensual pleasures, and inflates apparent rewards – all to get the inner bunny chasing the carrot. As a result, the brain routinely overestimates the benefits of things that are not that good for you, such as: consuming sugar, carbohydrates, and intoxicants; playing video games; buying more consumer goods; looking for love in all the wrong places; pounding home one’s point; or being one-up in a relationship.

• Even more ancient fear centers see shadows under every bush, hyper-focus on apparent threats, and over-generalize from past uncomfortable experiences – all to get the inner iguana running from the stick. Consequently, your brain routinely overestimates the costs of things that are good for you, such as: exercise, taking the time for well-being practices like meditation or prayer, going back to school, setting aside your own position to really understand someone else’s, or exposing the soft underbelly of your deeper feelings.

Meanwhile, modern culture bombards us with the promise of inflated rewards – thicker hair! thinner thighs! – and the threat of exaggerated alarms: radioactive clouds coming this way! threat level orange!

So, let’s stand up for the truth – and make better bargains.

How?

(To be sure, we can also make mistakes in the opposite direction, such as underestimating the benefits of getting more skillful at being a mate, or the long-term costs of global warming. But in this limited space, let’s focus on the brain’s bias toward overestimating the benefits of things that are bad – broadly defined – and the costs of things that are good.)

Try to be more aware of the little choices you make about what you will and will not do. Slow things down in your mind and unpack these bargains to be more aware of the anticipated benefits and costs that drive them.

Know your usual suspects – the “carrots” you chase to a fault, and the “sticks” you needlessly run from.

Pick a desire that’s been an issue for you (e.g., food, drink, pulling for approval), and ask yourself: Are the expected benefits really that good? Try to imagine them in your body. How intense would they be, how long would they last? What price will you pay later? Are there better ways to get these benefits? Are there better benefits to be found pursuing other aims?

Also pick something that’s been a block for you (e.g., public speaking, asserting yourself in love or work, pursuing a lifelong dream), and ask yourself: Are the expected costs really that bad? Truly, how uncomfortable would you actually be, how long would it really last – and how could you cope? Would you survive the experience? How would you feel about yourself, finally pushing through this fear? What other rewards would come to you?

Now, take two, calculated risks – and see what happens: stop chasing some hollow and costly carrot, plus take some positive action you’ve over-feared, no longer fleeing a paper tiger. Notice that these are much better bargains! Open to and really feel the positive experiences you have earned. Link these good feelings to the specific steps you’ve taken, and to the general practice of being more conscious and realistic about benefits and costs.

And feel free to keep going – making better bargains.

thoughts and feelings

Previous Post

February 12, 2013

Mindfulness of Oneself and Others

Next Post

February 26, 2013 Come to Center

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category art of charm Articles audio audio practice audio program Awareness Be Mindful being for yourself bless Book Excerpt brain change Breath Buddha's Brain bulletproof radio challenge yourself cognitive essentializing dance Dr. Rick Hanson Ecology and Environment Featured Featured Post forgive yourself from the porch Generosity Go Green Gratitude hard things honesty Inner Peace Interviews Just One Thing let go Letting Go lighten up Meditations mindful presence neurodharma Open Out overestimations Parenting Peace podcast Podcasts Quizzes release Rest in Green rick's picks speak truly strategy for happiness Take in The Good Taking in the Good Uncategorized Video you're alright your precious life Your Wise Brain

Select a Month May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 May 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who was killed for touching the Ark of the Covenant?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Abinadab Ahio Shimei Uzzah