Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
Can a man act too effeminate?

Can a man act too effeminate?

Last updated on: September 6, 2016 at 12:33 pm by John Shore

Can a man act too effeminate? 2016-09-06T12:33:20-08:00 John Shore

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Hi John,

I’m an extremely effeminate (not to the point of transgenderism), homosexual man, and I was wondering: What are your thoughts on males who behave like females (wearing make-up, into fashion, etc.)?

Sometimes, I feel that God does not like the way I am. So would you say I should change even though this comes naturally for me? Thanks so much! I greatly would appreciate your response and time taken to write it.

The only reason for which I would suggest you change is if not changing is bringing you too much pain, trouble or grief. If you’re getting beaten up every day for wearing make-up, I’d advise you to quit wearing make-up. I’m no conformist; but I’m also pretty down with surviving. I want you to be okay. If being okay means you have to tweak a little of what you do here and there, then … then that’s life. We all do that. What’s natural for me, for instance, is to be naked while I clean my house. But I stopped doing that, when a traumatic accident caused me to learn that cleaning the house naked can lead to one of the most disturbing ways ever to ruin a vacuum cleaner.

But this isn’t about me. It’s about you, thank God.

The above caveat being said: No, I do not think you should change. Screw changing. Be the way you are. It’s good for us to have men who act like effeminate women, and women who act Ron Swansonish. Because those are the kind of people who are leading the way for all of us to be exactly who we really are.

People like you are the heroes of our culture. I am totally not kidding.

I’m a six-foot-two, 225-pound man who’s about one nanoliter of testosterone away from being a werewolf. If I were any straighter I could hire myself out as a T-square. Well, guess what else? I love Broadway musicals. I’m completely interested in women’s fashions. (And not just because of the women who wear them; I’m enamored with the whole idea of fashion as art.) When talking, I move my hands around so much it’s like they’re secretly trying to message for help.

I hate the thought of having to pretend like the term “March Madness” triggers in my mind any thought at all beyond “Everyone’s horny in springtime.” Though I’m awesome at all sports, the one I chose to actually play in high school was tennis, which nine out ten sports enthusiasts agree ranks on the Gay-o-Meter just below synchronized swimming.

And in high school I quit the tennis team so that I could act in the school plays. (My athlete friends to me: “Don’t you think acting is a little gay?” Me to them: “Well, let’s see. I spend my time after school surrounded by straight alpha girls who know they’re pretty, smart, and articulate enough to be actresses. You spend yours chasing and climbing all over other guys, and then taking showers with them. But you think I might be gay?”)

I’m a child of the fifties. My father’s generation of men was stuck doing nothing but working like mad men, and, as much as possible, distancing themselves from their emotions.

While in high school, my wife, along with all of her classmates, was given an aptitude test. The boys’ test was printed on blue paper; the girls’ was on pink. The only jobs for which the test showed young women suitable were (and this is true) nurse, secretary, and teacher. That’s it. The state was telling young women that, as adults, those were the only three careers for which they could possibly qualify.

You’re part of the movement of people who are breaking those kinds of horrendous molds. Sane people everywhere thank you!

When I was seventeen years old, a group of gay actors and dancers, a few years older than I and infinitely more sophisticated, took me under their wing. At the time, I had zero concept of the very idea of homosexuality; to me, everyone was … well, straight like me. Amongst the group who took me in were some seriously effeminate men. They giggled; they tittered; they swooned; they faux-fainted; they screamed dramatically; while talking they gesticulated so wildly that I learned to step back when they started telling a story. And they did all this in public. They especially did it in public. They liked being the center of attention. They wanted other people to very much register their presence.

They weren’t in the least afraid of being who they were.

Those guys saved me. By so boldly and uncompromisingly being themselves, they showed me how I, too, could be myself. They proved to me that I didn’t have to partition myself into parts, some of which I could show publicly, some of which I couldn’t. Because of them I got to bring to the table all of myself, all of the time.

They taught me to tap-dance! I love tap-dancing. I couldn’t do it now without spraining an entire leg, but for awhile there I was a regular Lucky the Leprechaun on speed.

I am every day grateful to those guys (and to our female friends who loved them). I don’t know what my life would have become without their modeling for me what whole people look like. They dared to be different, and in so doing empowered me to do the same.

So, no: Unless for your own safety you must, don’t change. I don’t know a lot about a lot, but I guarantee you that God is more than okay with you being the entirety of the person you are—which is to say the entirety of the person God created you to be. You’re a guy who’s inclined to behave in ways most people associate with women. Lots of men are like that. Lots of women like to behave in ways most people consider masculine.

It’s all good. It’s more than good; it’s important. Because all of us, as a race, are right now in the process of learning the one thing that, come hell or high water, we all will learn, which is that ultimately no behavior, thought process, or natural inclination is exclusively male or female. We all contain a great deal of both. And it’s thanks to people like you—people who were essentially born to be trailblazers—that we’re all becoming more and more comfortable embracing that absoluitely divine truth.

Here is the perfect picture of who, on macro and micro level, all of us really are:

A little of this in the middle of that; a little of that in the middle of this. And all of it in perfect balance. All of it harmonizing. All of it perfect.

Christian Issues

Dear John

Previous Post

April 22, 2013

Anti-Gay Christians: What's in Your Wallet?

Next Post

April 25, 2013 World War Gay is Over!

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Christian Issues Christian Spirituality Dear John En Espanol Everywhere She's Not Humor Look See Pastor Bob's Corner Personal Portuguese Relationships Russian Short-short story Smith Family Chronicles Uncategorized

Select a Month March 2024 August 2022 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 February 2020 December 2019 June 2019 December 2018 May 2018 May 2017 January 2017 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What is the Christian teaching about truth-telling?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Flatter often Lie if necessary Say nothing Speak the truth

Books by This Author Books by John Shore

See All Titles »