Her Christian mom came out of the closet: Welcome to the new normal

Last updated on: February 7, 2013 at 7:50 pm by John Shore

Her Christian mom came out of the closet: Welcome to the new normal 2013-02-07T19:50:42-08:00 John Shore

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Yesterday I received the letter below. It’s such a perfect example of how, in a million different ways throughout our society right now, the relationship between Christianity and gay people is working itself out. When the history of gay rights is written, everyday, grassroots stories such as this won’t be recorded anywhere. But it’s exactly this kind of rivulet that feeds the rivers that brings the water that forces the sea change.

So I just thought we’d take a moment to witness this one, refreshing, nourishing little rivulet on its way to the larger river.

Dear John,

I cannot tell you how incredibly happy I am to have found your page(s). I am 23 years old. I grew up in the Southern Baptist church; my father was a music minister and my mother was a church pianist. I was an only child.

The year I graduated from high school, my mom left my dad.

I was really close to both of my parents. They invested a lot of time and money to give me the best, most well rounded education they could. I was at the top of my class; I graduated high school a year early, and was prepared to be very successful in college and a career.

Their separation was a really dark time for me. When they divorced, I hit rock bottom. I failed out of college. I dealt with anger, confusion and hurt that I never imagined. I grew apart from my mother.

During this time I reached out for every possible thread of spirituality I thought I possessed. I would pray for God to heal my pain. I prayed for my parents to get back together. I prayed to have the strength to get up in the morning and not feel like my life was over. It seemed like God just wasn’t there. I kept reading the Bible. I kept going to church. But nothing I had learned all those years in Church was anything to prepare me for the problems I faced in the real world. Finally, I gave up on religion. I gave up on God.

My dad remarried two years after he and my mom divorced. My step-mom is a beautiful soul. I love her and my step-siblings very dearly. It was truly a match made in heaven.

Three years after my parents’ divorce, my mother and I were still on pretty rough terms. We talked and visited occasionally, but ours was nothing like you’d think the relationship between a mother and her only daughter would be.

On my mom’s 48th birthday, she “came out of the closet” to me. I was shocked. Floored. It turned out that the “friend” she’d had for months before she left my dad had actually become more than that in the last few years. They were in a committed relationship.

I went home after this revelation and did a lot of thinking. I had already abandoned the doctrines of my upbringing, so had no trouble truly and deeply in my heart of hearts knowing there was nothing morally wrong with homosexuality. I realized that for my mother to come to this place where she was finally able to admit to herself and to the world that she was gay was a really big deal, because as much as I had been steeped in Baptist ideology, she had been virtually triple-distilled in it over the course of her life. She had been going through years of self-doubt and trying to turn herself into something she was not. I couldn’t imagine what that would be like. She had been literally driving herself crazy running away from the truth.

Through all of this, my mother and I have grown much closer. We now talk all the time and visit each other whenever possible. She still lives in a small town in the Bible-belt, and life for her isn’t always easy. She is shunned by most of the people who knew her as my dad’s wife. People don’t smile or say hello when they see her around town. This woman, who gave so much of her time and love and service to her church and her community, is like a stranger to them now. And while this is hard on her, she is happier and more fulfilled in her life than she has ever been before.

She is still a Christian. She believes that the teachings of Christ are the best words by which to live one’s life. She tithes every paycheck—but instead of a local church she now gives to charities, including battered women’s shelters and the Salvation Army.

Taking this journey with my mom has brought me closer to the mind and heart of God than I could ever have been in a church pew listening to a pastor preach about hell fire. God is not a hateful, vengeful, cruel being. He is love, and kindness, and generosity. And real people of God are those things too. My mother, who is truly a servant at heart and will help anyone in need without a moment’s hesitation, is probably the truest Christian I know. And she is gay.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing the message that I have found to be undoubtedly real, one that is the love of God for all people of every race, religion, and orientation. It’s people like you, John, who are every day fighting the negative perspective of what it is to be a Christian, who will ultimately bring about the change we want to see in the world. [Sign], Emma Turner

Thanks for those final words, Emma; I appreciate it. On behalf of all the folks who read and comment on this blog, please give your mom our love.

Christian Issues

Previous Post

February 5, 2013

To Matt Moore, the Christian "ex-gay" blogger found on Grindr

Next Post

February 10, 2013 Don't you just hate it when demons commune with you?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Christian Issues Christian Spirituality Dear John En Espanol Everywhere She's Not Humor Look See Pastor Bob's Corner Personal Portuguese Relationships Russian Short-short story Smith Family Chronicles Uncategorized

Select a Month March 2024 August 2022 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 February 2020 December 2019 June 2019 December 2018 May 2018 May 2017 January 2017 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What was the occupation of Lydia, the first European convert in Acts?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Baker Tentmaker Fisherwoman Seller of purple cloth

Books by This Author Books by John Shore

See All Titles »