Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
I got married to God by a Bad News Bear

I got married to God by a Bad News Bear

Last updated on: October 22, 2012 at 6:36 am by John Shore

I got married to God by a Bad News Bear 2012-10-22T06:36:34-08:00 John Shore

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

So by way of a ceremony that began around 3 p.m. on Saturday in my best friend Pastor Bob’s Church, in which Rev. David Stambaugh, associate pastor of the United Methodist Church of Hollywood served as officiant, I was ordained in accordance with the constitution and canons of the Progressive Christian Alliance as a Pastor in Christ’s Church.

The whole experience was one of those extremely rare affairs that are so obviously magical and ridiculously perfect that all you can do is sort of drift through it in that weird, practically zombie-making haze that comes over you whenever God completely takes over whatever’s going on.

Pastor Bob’s church is amazingly beautiful. And its whole altar area was decorated in the red used for ordination services, because the following day they were doing a confirmation service, which also calls for the red that symbolizes the fire which appeared over the heads of the apostles at the coming of the Holy Spirit on Pentecost.

So that was a big coincidence.

So was the out-of-nowhere appearance of Sheldon, the church’s world-class pianist.

“Hi, guys,” said Sheldon, popping his head inside the sanctuary. On a Saturday afternoon. “Whatcha’ doin?”

“Having an ordination ceremony for my friend John here,” said Bob cheerily.

“Want some music?” asked Sheldon. “Some Beethoven maybe? Or some Bach?”

“Sure!” said Bob.

So while Bob and his beautiful wife Laura, who is the lead pastor of their church (Bob’s the associate pastor), busily set up the altar area—lighting the big candles, turning on the fountain bapistry at the front, getting all the lights just right—Sheldon prepared himself at the piano.

Then David Stambaugh arrived along with his beautiful wife Becky and a friend of theirs who seemed like the nicest guy in the world.

And it turns out that David is superb at this stuff. He was just so . . . perfectly warm and loving and kind and smart and funny and good-natured—and seriously prepared. Guy came to do business, man. He’d made sure to become familiar with my work. He had a little black binder thing from which he read the ordination questions he asked me. He was just . . . all there. He’s a man of God who had come to do God’s work.

And he did! At some point he, me, my wife Catherine, Bob and Laura gathered in a half-circle around the softly burbling fountain. In the pews were his wife Becky and their friend, Bob and Laura’s beautiful teenage daughter Emily, Emily’s godmother (a wonderful friend of Bob and Laura’s whose name escapes me, which is awful because she’s a wonderful person with whom my wife and I had the greatest chat), and Pastor Laura’s mother, visiting from out of town.

When we were all ready Sheldon concluded his gorgeous playing and quietly took his seat in a front pew.

After a long pause David spoke. He said beautiful things about why we were there. Then he asked Bob to say a blessing for the occasion, and we bowed our heads in prayer as Bob said unbelievably beautiful things about my ministry, and the extremely important role Cat plays in it: he called my work the ministry of both Cat and I, which I really appreciated. Then Laura prayed a prayer for me and us and my work, which was so beautiful and powerful that, with my head down, it was all I could do not to join Cat in crying.

Then David asked me the ordination questions, which were about ten thousand times stronger than anything I had expected. It was . . . fully liturgical: the same sonorous, ancient-language, full-on vow stuff you hear when . . . well, when people receive their ordination. So I listened, hard, to everything he was asking, and then said “I do,” and “I will” when it was time to.

It was just like getting married. It was that serious.

Boy. It was something. It was kind of exactly like the time I’d stood before my church’s congregation and answered the questions put to me by my pastor during the ceremony of my adult baptism. (Which, I realized last night, had happened sixteen years before on exactly the same date—October 20th—as my ordination.)

Then everyone laid hands on me, and as he gently squeezed my shoulder David said as beautiful a prayer as anyone ever has.

So. That’s how it happened. Below are pictures. (From top to bottom: Cat and me; David Stambaugh and me; le’ ordination; David; me and Pastor Bob; child actor David.)

I really want to thank everyone who left a kind word on last time’s post. I certainly did read and deeply appreciate each and every one of them. And you better believe I held them in my heart during the whole affair. Again, thank you for that so very much.

David Stambaugh was a child actor. He played played infielder Toby Whitewood in The Bad News Bears (1976), The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training (1977), and The Bad News Bears Go to Japan (1978). This is him being Toby:

But David’ll always be a Good News Bear to me.

Christian Spirituality

Previous Post

October 19, 2012

Pray for me as I get ordained as a pastor of The Progressive Christian Alliance

Next Post

October 23, 2012 Do "good" Christians help you avoid temptation?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Christian Issues Christian Spirituality Dear John En Espanol Everywhere She's Not Humor Look See Pastor Bob's Corner Personal Portuguese Relationships Russian Short-short story Smith Family Chronicles Uncategorized

Select a Month March 2024 August 2022 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 February 2020 December 2019 June 2019 December 2018 May 2018 May 2017 January 2017 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

How many days did the Israelites march around Jericho before the walls fell?

Select your answer to see how you score.

40 days 12 days 7 days 3 days

Books by This Author Books by John Shore

See All Titles »