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Christians: Are we evolving yet?

Christians: Are we evolving yet?

Last updated on: June 6, 2012 at 9:17 am by John Shore

Christians: Are we evolving yet? 2012-06-06T09:17:01-08:00 John Shore

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The Jeff Sanglseseses

Last night I saw that on my FB page someone had linked to a story about how, in response to the viralosity of this:

the church where it happened posted on its website this:

The Pastor and members of Apostolic Truth Tabernacle do not condone, teach, or practice hate of any person for any reason. We believe and hope that every person can find true Bible salvation and the mercy and grace of God in their lives. We are a strong advocate of the family unit according to the teachings and precepts found in the Holy Bible. We believe the Holy Bible is the Divinely-inspired Word of God and we will continue to uphold and preach that which is found in scripture.

Poking about that same website, I came across this:

which seems about right. (Confession: ’twas I who added the obnoxious and completely unhelpful “Heil!”: I hang my head in shame. Btw: the chap in the photo, holding the mic in one hand and, Michael Jackson-style, about to cup his more personal mic in his other, is retro-Rev. Jeff “My Last Name is Missing a Vowel” Sangl, founder and spiritual leader of Apostolic Truth Tabernacle. He is the same guffawing galumph who in the video is sharing the stage and in every way possible encouraging the adorable Kid Pebble to sing his demoralizing ditty o’ degradation.)

My dazed wandering through the black hole of stupid that is the Apostolic Truth Tabernacle universe was interrupted by a reader emailing me a link to a story on the Gallup website about that organization’s recent poll, which showed that (to quote):

Forty-six percent of Americans believe in the creationist view that God created humans in their present form at one time within the last 10,000 years.

And the second I had read that, another reader sent me this:

And boom: just like that I knew the fundies were right. Evolution is bullbleep.

Submitted for your consideration:

→ An entire congregation wildly cheers a little boy who, at the front of their sanctuary during a Sunday worship service, sings about how “homos” are destined for hell—and afterwards the pastor who could not contain his glee at that boy’s song posts on his church’s website how neither he nor anyone in his congregation teaches or condones hatred of any person for any reason.

→ Nearly half of all Americans believe that within the last 10,000 years God, in a moment, went “poof!” (okay, maybe not poof), and created humans in the form we are today.

→ A Christian waves money under the nose of a brother whom he is perfectly aware is deeply suffering, and says that he’ll gladly hand that money over, if only the brother will publicly humiliate himself by renouncing his cherished belief that God doesn’t condemn same-sex couples.

And we’re evolving?

Pffft. Right. And orangutans can design office buildings.

And that’s just the enervating anti-evolution evidence that crossed my desk in half an hour!

Darwin, clearly, was at best a hapless hack, and at worst a shameless charlatan.

Our species evolving?

An obvious goof

I’d say it’s devolving

And Christians are proof

Har!

Ahhh, yes. Nothing chases away those “The idiots are winning!” blues like writing funny photo captions and making up little songs.

But, finally: Away, ye blues! Let us, truly, be heartened. For doesn’t Gallup also deliver unto us the news that, for the third year running, the majority of Americans consider gay and lesbian relations morally acceptable?

It does!

They do!

We do!

And just like that I am back, baby!

Our progress is slow

We stumble; we fall

But one day we’ll know

That God loves us all

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