Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
My 30th Anniversary: What Happened?

My 30th Anniversary: What Happened?

Last updated on: August 11, 2011 at 4:49 am by John Shore

My 30th Anniversary: What Happened? 2011-08-11T04:49:24-08:00 John Shore

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Between the eve o’ tommorow (August 12) and sometime during the weekend of the 20th, I will not be blogging, emailing, Facebooking, Twittering, Huluing, YouTubing, Yahooing, or JohnShore.comming.

I’ll be as unplugged as a food processor in an Amish kitchen.

Why? Because I’ll be off with my wife Catherine celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary (which, for you detail-sticklers, is on August 16).

Thirty years! Why, it seems like only yesterday that I couldn’t remember a thing about the day before yesterday because I’m so old. I also now confuse easily. So I have no idea what I just wrote. And something tells me that’s a plus.

That’s the thing about getting old(er): worse memory; better instincts.

Saweet!

When I tell someone I’ve been married thirty years, they often respond with, “And I care why? Do I even know you? Go away.” So that’s pretty rude.

And now I would like to share with you some of the wisdom that I have gained from being married thirty years.

Um.

Wow. What a Godzilla-sized dud that was. In the last five minutes, the only nuggets of wisdom that came to my mind were, At least silverfish don’t bite, and Car tires don’t have inner tubes. Those aren’t nuggets of wisdom. Those aren’t even nuggets. They’re barely nugs.

Bummer. I was so sure that a person who’s been married thirty years would automatically be wise. But they’re not.

Word to the wise!

What can’t be denied is that thirty years is a long time to be married. I guess. I dunno. I do know that time is relative. If you’re a 24-hour flu virus, for instance, thirty years is so long that at the very least it’s time to change your name. If you’re the moon, on the other hand, thirty years is barely enough time for you to get over the weirdness of having humans drop themselves down upon you, jam a flag pole into you, play a little golf on you, and then leave.

Ah, the moon. Who would have thought its surface would be exactly what everyone always thought it would be?

My wife Catherine is ridiculously funny. And she does funny in the same way I do: by often delivering her jokes with such utter deadpannedness that half the time, instead of laughing, people just wonder if she’s a psycho, or what.

God, she’s funny. Girl’s so sharp you bleed just walking by her.

Young people! Forget looks. Good-looking people have unreasonable expectations of others. Forget money; rich people have unreasonable expectations of reality. Forget a loving, compassionate attitude: ultimately it will only make you feel inadequate and guilty.

What you want in a spouse is funny. Everything else passes. But funny, my friend, is forever.

You know what they say: laughter is the best medicine. So remember to laugh at sick people. It helps you; it helps them. Win-win.

You know (seriously, now) what’s really weird about the thirtieth wedding anniversary? That it’s the pivot anniversary. Before your thirtieth, you can get out of your marriage. You’re (usually) somewhere in your mid-fifties. Which gives you about thirty more years to live.

At your thirtieth anniversary, you know you have exactly enough time left in your life to do one more time what you just spent thirty years doing.

For a month or so now, Cat and I have found ourselves feeling this particular anniversary more than we have any of our others. And we figured out it’s because this is the pivot anniversary. If your marriage were a person, it would have its mid-life crisis at thirty.

Our marriage is not in crisis. It’s in the opposite of crisis.

Basically, nothing’s changed. The second I met Cat I fell insanely in love with her. I’ve spent thirty years feeling the exact same way about her every time I see her.

You know what that ends up creating?

An enduring feeling that exactly no time at all has gone by.

Relationships

Previous Post

August 9, 2011

"My loving God sends people to hell"

Next Post

August 12, 2011 Republican Politician Caught with His Gay Pants Down: Whose Shame Is It?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Christian Issues Christian Spirituality Dear John En Espanol Everywhere She's Not Humor Look See Pastor Bob's Corner Personal Portuguese Relationships Russian Short-short story Smith Family Chronicles Uncategorized

Select a Month March 2024 August 2022 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 February 2020 December 2019 June 2019 December 2018 May 2018 May 2017 January 2017 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What was the name of Noah's three sons?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Cain, Abel, Seth Benjamin, Joseph, Judah Jacob, Esau, Ishmael Shem, Ham, Japheth

Books by This Author Books by John Shore

See All Titles »