A Pilgrim writes in his diary about the first Thanksgiving

Last updated on: November 25, 2010 at 5:54 am by John Shore

A Pilgrim writes in his diary about the first Thanksgiving 2010-11-25T05:54:23-08:00 John Shore

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Dear Diary,

The Lord made some day today! I can barely loosen my spectacularly huge belt buckle. I didn’t even know we had that much food. My good wife really put herself out this time. Mashed wheat, grass salad, cinnamon sticks, potatoes with tallow sauce—and the bird! That delicious bird! Who would have ever thought that any creature with a visage that idiotic could taste that heavenly?

We’ve come such a long way. I remember when we thought the feathers were the food part of a bird. But the Indians showed us differently.

The Indians were jolly company today. I wonder, though, if we should have made them eat at a separate table from us. I know the village elders decided that was best. But they also decided chimneys gave Satan a way to get into our homes. Bad call, that. Half the village almost nearly choked to death last winter.

Still, the elders are pretty wise. They were definitely right about burying seeds a little, instead of just leaving them atop the ground. Once we started actually covering them with dirt our crops really picked up. The elders were also right about giving grain alcohol to our babies. Our babies sleep so much better now! We all do.

Yet my doubts persist about having the Indians eat at a separate table. I know there’s nothing in the Bible specifically about Indians, but I can’t help but think of the way our Lord and Savior used to eat with all kinds of undesirables. Would he have sat, and cracked bread with the Indians? I think he might have.

Of course, the Indians seem to like not sitting at our tables. For one, they hate utensils. I don’t know if we’re ever going to get those people to stop eating with their hands. In retrospect, it would have been wise of us to have mastered the utensils ourselves before trying to persuade the Indians to use them. If only Wallace hadn’t stuck himself in the cheek during our demonstration—or if Smith hadn’t cracked his tooth on that spoon. How the Indians laughed. It was kind of funny. I didn’t know brother Smith could curse like that.

Sometimes, though, it seems like the Indians are mostly just laughing at us. I know that one Indian was laughing at my shoes. He nudged his friend—and if while sneering at my shoes he didn’t say “wampum buckle” then I’ve never built a fence. The impertinence!

Like the moccasins they wear are so great.

Actually, they are. I kind of want a pair of those moccasins for myself. Of course, I would refer to them as moccas: no sins for me! But the truth is, our shoes are just too blasted heavy. And for Jehovah’s sake, do we really need heels on our shoes? Heels are fine for getting around on the cobblestoned lanes of London, but out here in God’s muddy wilderness they’re hardly an asset. The only reason we caught that huge delicious bird was because the creature was simply too stupid to run away. But other than that moronic beast, I can’t hunt anything in these shoes. When I try sneaking through the woods animals ffor miles around flee. Our shoes just make too much blangnamit noise.

But an Indian! Sometimes they are as quiet as a shadow passing by. I swear, the one who sneaked up on me today scared me half to death. But I guess he was just curious about my musket. They’re such an ignorant people. When I let him hold my gun, the befuddled ruffian didn’t know what to do with it. He kept pointing the barrel right at me! It’s like he didn’t even realize that’s the killing end of the thing. And he kept laughing. What a crazy laugh he had. And I wasn’t even telling a joke.

Honestly, sometimes the Indians just plain worry me. It’s almost like they don’t comprehend that we’re their betters*.*

Oh, well. One day though our preaching and teaching they will see the light, and become the Christians it is their fate to become. And thereafter they will do as God intends they should, and trust us, and thank the Lord that we came to their shores.

Humor

Previous Post

November 24, 2010

Thanks to You

Next Post

November 27, 2010 Are You an Artistic Genius? Take This Test to Find Out!

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Christian Issues Christian Spirituality Dear John En Espanol Everywhere She's Not Humor Look See Pastor Bob's Corner Personal Portuguese Relationships Russian Short-short story Smith Family Chronicles Uncategorized

Select a Month March 2024 August 2022 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 February 2020 December 2019 June 2019 December 2018 May 2018 May 2017 January 2017 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What was the purpose of the cities of refuge?

Select your answer to see how you score.

To store food for famine To protect those accused of manslaughter To train future priests To house the sick

Books by This Author Books by John Shore

See All Titles »