Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
Speaking of Burning Buildings

Speaking of Burning Buildings

Last updated on: October 22, 2010 at 3:29 pm by John Shore

Speaking of Burning Buildings 2010-10-22T15:29:21-08:00 John Shore

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

It’s Friday afternoon. I’m sitting in this place. I am not drunk. But from the edge of my now slightly shimmering consciousness being drunk is very definitely beckoning to me, using as its soft siren the second half of the Hulk-sized mug o’ delicious Karl Strauss Oktoberfest beer insolently poised on my table not a wrist flick away.

Whoa. Maybe I am drunk. That seemed like a pretty drunk sentence, didn’t it?

I liked that sentence!

And so, alas, it begins.

Boy, you swing by a place while they’re dicking with your car at the garage across the street, and the next thing you know you’re 12 oz. of beer into obsessing over how it’s hardly any wonder, given “words” like Oktoberfest, that no one knows how to spell anymore.

And then you’re thinking how awesome that is, because you personally have always considered proper spelling as something very near a downright draconian oppression.

Downright draconian oppression.

I like that, too!

You know, now I’m thinking that maybe drinking a little more beer is in order. (Young people: I’m kidding. Whenever life offers you a choice between drinking less and drinking more, always choose drinking less.)

Speaking of me in church, this Sunday morning, at 9:15, I will be speaking in the sanctuary between services at this church. For all of my fans in the Dana Point area of Southern California, you should totally be there. I’m thinking of actually gesturing during this talk. Last time I gestured during a talk I sent a thurible flying through the air. It was quite exciting. I’m proud to say that as we were fleeing the burning chapel I managed to segue my talk into a lesson about hell that I think many of those screaming and running found instructive.

Speaking of burning buildings, about two weeks ago, in real life, I stopped a (pretty little) building from burning down.

It was quite early on a Sunday morning. I was standing at this huge car wash, waiting for my car to get done. Gazing across the highway, I noticed that smoke had begun to rise from the top of a white, one-room, stucco-type little utility building there. And slowly but surely more smoke arised arosed appeared. And pretty soon there was no avoiding that from its inside the building was on fire.

So definitely interested if not outright slightly panicked I look around myself, and find that the only other person waiting for their car to get washed is a nun. A nun! Who was wearing what appear to be those entirely flammable nun robes!

Anyway—what with there being almost virtually no one else around just then—I ended up running across the street, finding the door to Casa de Flames locked, very quickly (and luckily!) locating a hose, hooking it up to a spout, kicking the spicket on, and with the hose spewing water everywhere climbing to the top of the structure. Standing on its roof, I managed to wrangle water down onto the floor of the building, which was very definitely burning. Flames were actually licking up. But in bad, bad way.

Maybe twenty minutes into my dramatic little escapade a big fire truck, siren roaring, screeched up to the building. The fireman who leaped off the engine immediately started acting like I was in the way. They were, like, “Attention, misplaced citizen! Please come down off the top of the building. We who are professionals have important fire extinguishing work to do here!”

And I’m like, “Hello? Late much? And what do you think I’m doing up here with this running hose? Cheering the fire on?”

But, whatever. And of course I got right the You-Know-What out of their way.

Back across the street, my newly cleaned car sat waiting off to the side, keys in ignition.

I was wet, not entirely unfrazzled, and fairly covered in fresh, damp streaks of charcoal. The nun was long gone.

What could I do?

I climbed into my car, sat, turned the key, and began my two-mile drive home.

Life. One minute you’re just standing around minding your own business. The next you’re seeing smoke.

****

Facebook fan page. You know what to do.

Personal

Previous Post

October 22, 2010

Legalizing Immigrants vs. Twelve Dollars for a Head of Lettuce

Next Post

October 23, 2010 What Non-Christians Want Christians To Hear

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Christian Issues Christian Spirituality Dear John En Espanol Everywhere She's Not Humor Look See Pastor Bob's Corner Personal Portuguese Relationships Russian Short-short story Smith Family Chronicles Uncategorized

Select a Month March 2024 August 2022 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 February 2020 December 2019 June 2019 December 2018 May 2018 May 2017 January 2017 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What acrostic device is used in many Psalms and Proverbs?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Reversed order Chronological order Alphabetic order Numerical sequence

Books by This Author Books by John Shore

See All Titles »