What Would Jesus Do (If He Saw Himself Wearing a Propeller Beanie)?

Last updated on: June 5, 2010 at 4:30 pm by John Shore

What Would Jesus Do (If He Saw Himself Wearing a Propeller Beanie)? 2010-06-05T16:30:33-08:00 John Shore

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How I think Jesus would react to seeing himself in purple tutu

Pursuant to yesterday’s “JesusDressUp.com: Harmless Hilarity, or Offensive Blasphemy?“:

First off, excellent comments, you guys! Sheer awesomnimityness. If I was just starting this blog, I would pay you guys to make me look so good with your perfectly parsed and patently perspicacious pontifications. But, in Internet years, this blog is already forty-seven years old. So I’m afraid I can’t help you. Sorry.

As to what we humble, earth-bound mortals should think of JesusDressUp.com? I dunno. But I’ll tell you what I do think (even though I’m already getting the very strong sense that I shouldn’t, cuz … well, you know: Christian intensities.) You know how, if you really concentrate and open yourself up to it, you can sort of assume the consciousness of God? (Okay, Brian Shields, put down that bong.) How you can sort of make your consciousness disappear, by letting go of it, and basically merging it into God’s consciousness, so that pretty soon you have the very distinct impression that you’re seeing through God’s eyes, thinking with God’s mind, and feeling with God’s heart? You know how that mystical transformation takes place, when you pray or meditate for a long time, and you get all … God-consciousy? (For the record, I’m not saying that we really do see and think with God’s eyes and mind; for all I know, if you actually did possess the mind of God, everything would appear to you bright neon green, or striped — or all you’d be thinking about is a giant bowl of Cocoa Pebbles, or whatever. Who knows what God’s mind is really like? I’m just referring to that state of mind humans can get into that feels like it’s God’s. You know: that state that makes Christians think and feel that they really can answer the question, What would Jesus do?)

Well, thinking about JesusDressUp.com, I thought, “Who cares what I or any of my sucka free brilliant commenters think of that site? What matters is what Jesus would think of it. It’s about him. If Jesus was okay with it, we’d all have to be.”

So I sat down, and did the Jesus Mind Meld on myself.

And you know what I came up with? JesusDressUp.com would crack Jesus up. I think at first he would go, “Well, this is curious. I don’t believe I like this one single bit.” And then — just sort of noodling around — he would drag the hula skirt on to himself, or move the red cowboy boots onto his feet — no, the flippers! And then he’d maybe drag the beanie onto his head, or the graduation cap, and then maybe check himself out in a mauve Lacoste alligator shirt — and within moments would be rolling around on the floor laughing so hard that twenty million rainbows would simultaneously appear all over the world.

My Official Vote is that Jesus would seriously bust up at JesusDressUp.com. That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it.

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