My Wife: Beautiful on the Outside–But That’s It

Last updated on: August 30, 2009 at 8:48 am by John Shore

My Wife: Beautiful on the Outside–But That’s It 2009-08-30T08:48:55-08:00 John Shore

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

They say beauty is only skin deep. But thank God for that quarter-inch of skin. Because right beneath it lies a packed, jumbled mass of mess a starving vulture wouldn’t eat cold.

You can just imagine God, having finished the basic design of humans, saying, “Yikes! Okay, if we expect humans to reproduce, we’ve gotta put some kind of wrapping around this sack. Either that, or let’s remove the eyeballs.”

On Friday my wife Cat got an M.R.I. You know how after you ride Splash Mountain at Disneyland you can purchase a photo of yourself having all that fun? Well, for five dollars Cat got to purchase a photo of herself riding the scary Magnetic Resonance Imaging ride at Doctorland. Only instead of a picture showing her screaming in fear, we got a picture of her midsection that made us scream in fear.

“Wow,” said Cat. “So smiling for these pictures doesn’t help at all.”

Could she be funnier?

Hey, to catch you up on my wife’s health. As has been true for six weeks now, either Cat has nothing at all wrong with her, or she’ll be dead by Labor Day. I’m no health care expert, but I know we have to fix how long it takes patients to receive a diagnosis and begin treatment. This waiting two weeks between Vital Tests is cruelly insane. No one should have to go through this. It’s awful.

Right now, to me, M.R.I. stands for More Resounding Indecision.

Well, it did. Now it stand for Must Remain Inside.

Ah, laughter. Thank God it’s not really a medicine, or you’d have to wait a month for your [bad word] insurance company to okay it.

Previous Post

August 28, 2009

Lady at Starbucks Loudly Accuses Mom of Child Abuse! Just Now!

Next Post

August 31, 2009 Welcome to "The John Shore Show," with Tonight's Special Guest, Death.

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Christian Issues Christian Spirituality Dear John En Espanol Everywhere She's Not Humor Look See Pastor Bob's Corner Personal Portuguese Relationships Russian Short-short story Smith Family Chronicles Uncategorized

Select a Month March 2024 August 2022 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 February 2020 December 2019 June 2019 December 2018 May 2018 May 2017 January 2017 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

How many days did Jesus fast in the wilderness?

Select your answer to see how you score.

40 7 30 12

Books by This Author Books by John Shore

See All Titles »