A Pagan Boy With Bad Teeth and a Vibrating Leg

Last updated on: April 12, 2009 at 7:34 am by John Shore

A Pagan Boy With Bad Teeth and a Vibrating Leg 2009-04-12T07:34:52-08:00 John Shore

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

easterhand

Like most pagan/heathen children, as a kid I figured that, stripped of its incomprehensible pretensions, the point of Easter was to feed me many bright and wonderful forms of sugar. That an entire holiday was (by one means or another) devoted to this splendid end seemed to me natural and right.

I had bad teeth and a right leg I could never stop from vibrating, but I wasn’t entirely dense. Besides the thrilling annual ritual of ignoring Peeps and hording jelly beans, I knew Easter also had something to do with Christ on the cross, or Christ popping back out of the ground, or Christ floating up behind people and saying “Boo!”, or something. I wasn’t sure. I was sure that in one way or another Christ was heavily associated with guilt—a guilt which I myself felt acutely when cradling in my hands an unwrapped, still unchomped chocolate bunny.

I was also aware that Easter was a time to be even more grateful than usual that I wasn’t a girl, since on Easter girls had to wear ribbons, dresses that looked like they’d actually slice up your legs, and shiny black shoes a vice couldn’t bend.

Poor girls. Dolls. Hair they had to brush. Aversion to mud. The inhumanity!

Now I’m a Christian, and no longer associate Easter with jelly beans, chocolate, and frightfully indestructible Peeps.

I see out my window just now that my neighbors are up early this morning. They’re hiding in the grass around their place brightly colored plastic eggs filled with what I can only imagine are Hershey’s Kisses and jelly beans.

Once they go back inside I should probably run out there, just to be sure they did put candy in those in those eggs. I hate to see disappointed children.

My parents missed out on Easter. They didn’t get it.

Happy Easter from their infinitely luckier son.

***************************************************************************************************************************

Email: [email protected]

Follow: http://twitter.com/johnshore

Beriend: http://www.facebook.com/john.shore1

Be fan: http://www.facebook.com/pages/John-Shore/89494795412?ref=s

Personal

Previous Post

April 10, 2009

What The [bleep] Is So Good About Good Friday?

Next Post

April 13, 2009 If Believing in the Resurrection is Dumb, Bring Me My Dunce Cap

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Christian Issues Christian Spirituality Dear John En Espanol Everywhere She's Not Humor Look See Pastor Bob's Corner Personal Portuguese Relationships Russian Short-short story Smith Family Chronicles Uncategorized

Select a Month March 2024 August 2022 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 February 2020 December 2019 June 2019 December 2018 May 2018 May 2017 January 2017 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

How many verses are in Psalm 119?

Select your answer to see how you score.

200 150 125 176

Books by This Author Books by John Shore

See All Titles »