Women In Bad Relationships: Eve’s Curse Isn’t Yours, Pt. 2

Last updated on: February 19, 2009 at 11:25 am by John Shore

Women In Bad Relationships: Eve’s Curse Isn’t Yours, Pt. 2 2009-02-19T11:25:04-08:00 John Shore

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

(Update: All the posts of this series have been collected into one piece, Seven Reasons Women Stay in Abusive Relationships, and How to Defeat Each One of Them.)

Yesterday, instead of writing about my third reason women stay in bad relationships (which is that it’s embarrassing to have a relationship to which you’ve been long committed go publicly down in flames), I wrote Women in Bad Relationships: Eve’s Curse Isn’t Yours. At the end of that post I said that today I’d write a bit more on that subject. So here we are!

The additional thing I wanted to say about the fact that oftentimes bad men use the love of their women as tools against their women is that the reason bad men do this is because all men, to a degree lots of women have all kinds of good reasons not to fully appreciate, want power. And men don’t want power in the way they want a great pair of shoes, or a boat someday, or that cool car with the spinning hubcaps, or whatever. Men want power with a sustained, instinctive intensity with which they want little if anything else in their lives. A man’s need for power is a low-level but constant hunger that never leaves him alone, that is never too far off his registering radar.

And men crave power so much they’ll take it in virtually any form they can get it. And they won’t give up an iota of their power that they don’t absolutely have to—and whenever they do have to surrender any of their power, they’ll harbor resentment against that offense like Packo the Wonder Elephant will remember the time Snarko the Clown teased him with a peanut he then ate himself. (Um … forgive the totally made-up metaphor. I’m in a bit of a hurry here: the beans I’m using in my soup for tonight are almost ready! And I still have to prepare the vegetables!)

Yes, we macho men crave power.

And here’s the thing about that: all men, in one way or another, feel, deep in their … well, bones … that they’re macho men. Because it’s about the testosterone—not the height, or the shoulder-spread, or … the belt notches, or whatever.

Every man, by virtue of his gonads and hormones and muscles and all that, feels … manly. And pretty much the descriptor of “manly” is Almost Desperately Craves Power.

A healthy man excercies his drive for power to the benefit of The Good.

An unhealthy man couldn’t care less about what’s good. “Good” is something outside of him—something greater than him, something beyond him. So he hates it—because what’s “good” isn’t about him. An unhealthy man seeks to exert his power in a very personal, focused, one-on-one sort of way (that’s usually done in private because he knows it makes him look weak to the rest of the world). An unhealthy man likes to see those with less power than he squirm beneath him. He gets off putting fear into the eyes of others. He likes to belittle people whom he knows will, for whatever reason, take it. He’s addicted to the little thrill he gets degrading those with less power than he; he loves to keep them guessing, keep them dancing, keep them doubting.

And one of the main things about an unhealthy man of this sort is that he can smell a woman who will succumb to him. It’s manna to him. He knows that smell like he knows … well, the smell of his own mother, usually.

God, I have a feeling I’m never going to blog about anything else. I could write about this stuff until my fingers drop off.

So. More tomorrow. (And I promise I’ll get back on track with this series.)

The point, for now, is that if you are a woman who just can’t seem to extricate yourself from a relationship with a man who is emotionally or physically abusive to you, then you’ve got to understand that what you’re doing is allowing a man who is too lazy to accrue unto himself any real power in the world an opportunity to enjoy the most attractive and terrible kind of power there is: The absolute power of one human being over another.

Do me a favor, and join my Facebook page so I can keep writing this kind of stuff, instead of … having to do other work I’d rather not. Knowing people like you matters to publishers.

Previous Post

February 19, 2009

Why Have People Started Using the Word "Tribe" So Much?

Next Post

February 21, 2009 What Others Might Think: Reason #3 Women Stay in Bad Relationships

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Christian Issues Christian Spirituality Dear John En Espanol Everywhere She's Not Humor Look See Pastor Bob's Corner Personal Portuguese Relationships Russian Short-short story Smith Family Chronicles Uncategorized

Select a Month March 2024 August 2022 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 February 2020 December 2019 June 2019 December 2018 May 2018 May 2017 January 2017 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who was Abraham's firstborn son?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Isaac Esau Ishmael Jacob

Books by This Author Books by John Shore

See All Titles »