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Think You Know Thanksgiving? You Don’t Know Squat, Squanto.

Think You Know Thanksgiving? You Don’t Know Squat, Squanto.

Last updated on: November 26, 2008 at 8:03 pm by John Shore

Think You Know Thanksgiving? You Don’t Know Squat, Squanto. 2008-11-26T20:03:36-08:00 John Shore

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Pumpkin pi. GET IT? Pi? Pie?? GET IT??!! (Okay, the jokes get better from here.)

1. The Pilgrims were:

a. an exceptionally boring rock band from Kidneypool, England.

b. a sure way to kill any party.

c. the least fashionable sailors ever.

d. Christians who fled England in rebellion against Henry VIII’s forbidding of pew cushions.

2. The first thing Indians thought upon meeting the Pilgrims was:

a. “Why are these people the color of our gums?”

b. “Sun. Black clothes. Cool! Human popovers!”

c. “Okay, these guys are turkeys.”

d. “Bummer. There goes the neighborhood.”

3. The Mayflower was:

a.. the name of the company that moved the Pilgrims from England to America.

b. the primary ingredient used by Pilgrims to make the May chocolate chip cookies.

c. a ship that got lost somewhere between the Thames river and Hawaii.

d. a pretty gay name for a boat.

4. The purpose of Thanksgiving is to commemorate:

a. the founding of the New World.

b. the losing of the New World.

c. the temporary misplacement of the New World.

d. the Pilgrims smoking their first peace-pipe with the Indians.

e. the Pilgrims discovering the Indians didn’t know tobacco from a lava lamp.

5. Plymouth Rock is significant because:

a. it’s the first organic musical form to give expression to the Pilgrim experience.

b. how many rocks get their own name?.

c. it’s the first place on the North American continent where the Pilgrims ruined their shins.

d. it’s what the Chrysler company tethered to its last idea for a decent car before hurling it into the ocean.

6. “Maize” is the Algonquin Indian word for:

a. “No way out.”

b. “Not April or June’s.”

c. “he who awesomely dominates centerfield.”

d. tired, boring, cliche, trite: corny.

7. At first the Pilgrims had a hard time surviving in America because:

a. Their humongous belt buckles prevented effective arrow ducking.

b. They refused to pay taxes.

c. It’s so demoralizing when the native population won’t stop making fun of your hat.

d. All their gunpowder was wet.

To anyone who happens to read this: Happy Thanksgiving to you, and a most joyous holiday season.

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