Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
Minutes From the First John Shore Facebook Fan Club Meeting

Minutes From the First John Shore Facebook Fan Club Meeting

Last updated on: February 20, 2014 at 9:47 am by John Shore

Minutes From the First John Shore Facebook Fan Club Meeting 2014-02-20T09:47:28-08:00 John Shore

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Below are the minutes of the first Official Meeting (done cyberistically, of course) of the John Shore Facebook Fan Club. (Names of club members have been changed to protect the totally obnoxious innocent.)

John: Order! Order! The first official meeting of the John Shore Facebook Fan Club will now commence. I’m your host and object of your unfettered adoration, John Shore. Welcome!

Fan: I don’t think “comence” is how you spell that.

Other Fan: It’s not.

Third Fan: Has anyone ever noticed how much John cannot spell?

John: Hello? Excuse me? Fan club meeting? Not a spelling bee.

Third Fan: I’m just saying.

Random fan: You are a writer.

Other Fan: Use spell-check.

John: Will you people stop already? Yikes. What’s with the spelling obsession? I’m a writer, not a speller. The two aren’t related. Now then. Since this is our first meeting, there are no minutes to read from our last meeting. We’re timeless! We haven’t even started yet, and we’re already out of time!

Fan: Oh, no.

Fan: Oh, no. He’s being “funny.”

Fan: Heaven help us.

Fan: And he’ll go on forever.

Fan: He does do that.

Other Fan: I thought it was pretty funny.

John: You, last commenter: You have just become president of the John Shore Fan Club.

Last Commenter: But I don’t—

John: Too late; the honor is yours. Now then: Lacking a history means embracing our present and future. So: Any new business to discuss?

Fan: I have something.

John: Yes! By all means!

Fan: What’s with that last video you put up?

John: Excuse me?

Fan: Yeah, what WAS that?

John: What are you talking about?

Fan: It was pretty awful. I turned it off after the first minute.

Fan: Do you really think people don’t have anything better to do than watch you say nothing for eight minutes?

Fifth Fan: LOL

Fan: That was kind of mean. He tried.

John: Perhaps some of us aren’t clear on the purpose of this meeting. This is a John Shore FAN CLUB MEETING. Besides, that video was great. I just know people loved it. It was the ultimate in intimate cinema verte.

Fan: SNLOL

John: What’s that mean?

Fan: So Not Laughing Out Loud.

Fan: I liked it. I like all three of your videos.

John: Thank you!

Fan: Especially the one with dog!

Fan: Yes!

Fan: Yes! The dog!

Fan: The dog!

Fan: That dog was so cute!

Fan: She was! Little Munch! Those adorable button eyes!

Fan: The dog!

Fan: Bring back the dog!

Fan: That white fur!

Fan: That little face!

Fan: Those ears!

Fan: Those floppy ears!

Fan: Yaaaaay!

Fan: I would watch any video with that dog in it.

Fan: Me, too!

Fan: Me too!

Fan: Count me in!

Fan: Bring back the dog!

Fan: She wasn’t in the video nearly long enough.

Fan: Hear, hear!

Fan: Ear, ear!

Fan: LOL!

John: SNLOL.

[pause]

John: Now, then. A lot of you, I noticed, are from countries other than America. I think that’s great. For instance, I’ve noticed that we have the honor of hosting several Kenyanians.

Fan: Oh, God.

Fan: It’s Kenyans, John. Kenyans.

Fan: It is Kenyans.

John: I believe it’s Kenyanians.

Fan: I believe it’s moron.

John: Hey! A lot of these things are subjective, you know.

Fan: No, they’re not.

Fan: No.

Fan: I am very sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, John, but it is “Kenyans”. I am from Kenya. It is “Kenyans.”

John: Others of you, I see, are from India. You are Native Americans.

Fan: Please cancel me from your club.

Fan: Me, too.

Fan: Count me out.

Fan: I don’t even know how I signed up. I only meant to look at John’s fan club page.

Fan: Me, too!

Fan: He totally pressured me into joining it. He sounded so desperate for people to join. I kind of felt sorry for him.

Fan: Me, too!

John: You know, I do have fans. Real fans. It just so happens that apparently none of them showed up at this meeting.

Fan: They’re probably all at the Native Americaneos Kenyanianian meeting.

Fan: LOL!

Fan: LOL

John: Okay, that’s it. This meeting is ajourned. Adjurned. Ajurned. Over.

Fan: Really? Oh, gee. What a bummer.

Fan: LOL!

John: Now, if any of you know any real fans of mine, or have friends whom you think might enjoy my stuff and so become fans, please be sure to send them here. Okay? It’ll only take you a moment to recommend me. It’s important.

Fan: Wait, don’t tell us. You’re still trying to impress a Big Media Interest with how many people like your writing. With how many fans you have.

John: Yes! Exactly! That’s just what I’m trying to do!

Fan: You know what you should do, then?

John: ???

Fan: Keep the minutes of this meeting to yourself.

Humor

facebook fan club

Previous Post

November 6, 2008

Share Your Skin-Color Story

Next Post

November 10, 2008 Zombie Stalkers, Glue-Sniffing Ice Makers, and Bunting Beer Robbers

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Christian Issues Christian Spirituality Dear John En Espanol Everywhere She's Not Humor Look See Pastor Bob's Corner Personal Portuguese Relationships Russian Short-short story Smith Family Chronicles Uncategorized

Select a Month March 2024 August 2022 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 February 2020 December 2019 June 2019 December 2018 May 2018 May 2017 January 2017 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who said, "The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Isaiah Paul Jesus David

Books by This Author Books by John Shore

See All Titles »