Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
After I Converted, the Terrible Way Christians Treated My Non-Christian Wife

After I Converted, the Terrible Way Christians Treated My Non-Christian Wife

Last updated on: October 3, 2008 at 2:02 pm by John Shore

After I Converted, the Terrible Way Christians Treated My Non-Christian Wife 2008-10-03T14:02:37-08:00 John Shore

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Because of pieces I’ve lately posted, such as Christian Marrying a Non-Christian? Marriage: FAIL, and Letter From an Atheist Married to a Christian, I’ve received emails asking what my marriage was like during the two years between when I, at thirty-eight, converted to Christianity, and when, two years later, my wife Catherine had her baptism into the faith.

It was fine. It was great. There wasn’t a moment of stress between Cat and me relative to my new perspective on God. She was glad I’d become a Christian, because she could see how happy it made me. She was also deeply amazed by my transformation, because I had always had a very distinct dislike of Christianity, especially insofar as believers used it as a tool to increase their sheer obnoxiousness.

As soon as I became a Christian, Cat started accompanying me to church, because … well, because she likes hanging out with me.

It was at church that our troubles began. Or, rather, hers did. It wasn’t until months into it that Cat shared with me what she had been going through at our church. In a word, my fellow believers were treating her with exactly the kind of smug, condescending, judgmental, self-righteous mean-spiritedness that, I’m sorry to say, non-Christians all too often suffer at the hands of Christians.

She didn’t tell me that that was happening to her, because she knew that I liked going to the church I’d chosen—a large, urban, mainstream, long-established church—and she didn’t want to interfere with my whole new Christian thing.

But one Sunday, after a service at the church we’d by then been attending for three months, I could see how upset she was. I asked her what was wrong—and it all poured out. She told me that people at our church had been treating her as if she were bad for me, as if she were an obstacle to my relationship with Christ. They had been very clear about the idea that I belonged to them now, and that if she wasn’t going to get on board and become a Christian, but soon, then there would be no natural place for her in my life.

She told me a lot of terrible things that a lot of the people at our church had been saying to her. They all boiled down to about the same sentiment: She had to get out of my way, not interfere with my progress as a Christian, convert ASAP. I had a new life now, they told her, and if she wanted to be part of it, fine. But if not–if she persisted in not being a Christian–then my life and hers wouldn’t be a good fit anymore.

And it wasn’t just a handful of people saying such things. It was happening across the congregation. Deacons. Board people. Ministry leaders. Lay people.

Though I hasten to add that it wasn’t everyone. Our dearest friends to this day are a couple we met at that church, people our parents’ age who continue to model for us everything that should be best about people who claim to follow God.

But there were enough people at our church saying those awful things to her—and, by then, we’d all our lives known enough Christians—for us to know that going to another church wouldn’t change what was happening at that one. Besides, we loved our church’s pastor. So we decided to stick it out there.

The things my fellow Christians said to her in that church were so appalling just remembering them makes me want to punch somebody out. Insane stuff. And they bullied her. Little groups of three or four women would sort of get her in a corner, and in low tones just start hissing at her about how wonderful it was that I had converted, and how clearly she, a nonbeliever, was bound to hinder my development as a Christian. They never, ever said anything to her like when I was around. Only when they had her alone.

Yuck. Too creepy to even think about.

But, there it is. That’s what happened. We went to that church for six years. Once Cat became a Christian, the nasty bile people had been spitting at her dried right up, and everyone was just as pleasant and loving to her as they could be.

But that’s too often how we are, isn’t it? Once someone believes what we do, we love them. But before then? God help them.

Personal

Christianity

Previous Post

October 2, 2008

Sex is God's Way of Humbling Us

Next Post

October 5, 2008 Ahhhhh...Sunday Afternoon. I Hate It.

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Christian Issues Christian Spirituality Dear John En Espanol Everywhere She's Not Humor Look See Pastor Bob's Corner Personal Portuguese Relationships Russian Short-short story Smith Family Chronicles Uncategorized

Select a Month March 2024 August 2022 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 February 2020 December 2019 June 2019 December 2018 May 2018 May 2017 January 2017 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What prophet challenged King Ahab and Queen Jezebel over Naboth's vineyard?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Nathan Amos Elijah Elisha

Books by This Author Books by John Shore

See All Titles »