Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Pagan
What It Means When Your Prayers Aren’t Answered

What It Means When Your Prayers Aren’t Answered

Last updated on: September 28, 2021 at 3:00 am by John Beckett

What It Means When Your Prayers Aren’t Answered 2021-09-27T17:11:20-06:00 John Beckett

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

What does it mean when your prayers aren’t answered?

Someone asked me this question recently, but I’ve heard it before. Really, I’ve heard it all my life. I’ve heard it asked by Pagans and Christians and by people of no particular religious affiliation.

I’ve heard answers, but many of them have been simplistic: “it’s not your karma to have that.” Some have been authoritarian: “how dare you question God!” Some have been dismissive: “that just proves that prayer doesn’t work.”

Like all “big questions” this is a fair question, but it’s not a simple question. The best answer (I don’t think there is a “right” answer) varies from person to person and from situation to situation. But if we contemplate the possible answers, we’ll be better prepared when we’re the ones wondering why it seems like our Gods are ignoring our prayers.

This question misses the point of prayer

While this is a legitimate question, it’s a question that often misses the point.

“Why was my prayer not answered” (and its corollary, “why was the answer ‘no’?”) implies that the purpose of prayer is to get stuff from the Gods. But the primary purpose of prayer is to maintain good relationships with our Gods.

We pray and we give thanks for the good things we have received, whether they came to us directly from our Gods or through other people. We pray and we express our devotion – our love for Them, for Their values and virtues, and for Their presence in our lives. We pray these prayers not so we can receive, but because we have received.

When we pray regularly, it becomes part of who and what we are. We pray when we get favorable responses, we pray when we get unfavorable responses, and we pray when we get no responses. Praying is simply what we do.

It is good to speak the yearnings of our hearts. Sometimes that means asking for something: health, wealth, wisdom. Sometimes our Gods provide what we ask for. But sometimes They don’t.

And then we wonder why our prayers aren’t answered. Except they were answered – they just weren’t answered the way we wanted.

“You need to do this yourself”

Our Gods are not vending machines. They are not divine helicopter parents. Those we are closest to often care about us and our well-being, but that doesn’t mean They’re going to give us everything we want… or even everything we need.

Self-reliance is often misused to justify hoarding wealth and ignoring those suffering under injustice, but it’s the first place to start when you need something. And sometimes just getting started is all it takes for doors to start opening.

You have to do your part. Don’t pray for protection against Covid if you refuse to get vaccinated. It’s not working for Christians – it’s not going to work for Pagans either.

“You don’t know Me well enough to ask Me for that”

Here I speak from first-hand experience… unfortunately.

Early on my Pagan journey I had a need. And so I prayed to a God who was involved in such matters in ancient times. I got a response – it just wasn’t what I expected to hear.

“Who are you and why should I do anything for you?”

I didn’t know this God. I had never prayed to Them, made offerings to Them, or led a ritual in Their honor. I had barely read anything about Them.

If someone you don’t know knocks on your door and asks you for money, what are you likely to do? Yeah, it’s like that – your prayers aren’t answered.

Yes, different Gods have different areas of interest. But the God to pray to is the God you know – the God you have a respectful, reciprocal relationship with.

“This would be bad for you”

I have mixed feelings about the Gods as our parents. Many times it’s an excuse for wishful thinking, or worse, a holdover from the abusive parenting demonstrated in some tales of the Christian God.

But sometimes it’s a useful metaphor. Just as a human parent has the wisdom and experience to recognize dangers their children can’t spot, so our Gods can see that sometimes we want things that would bring us more harm than good.

Sometimes we know this ourselves, but we want it anyway. Never pray (or work magic) for an ex-lover to come back into your life.

Our Gods also have more vision and foresight than we do. Sometimes They can see that while giving us what we ask for would be good enough, there’s something even better we can’t see yet. And so They tell us “no” (or They just don’t respond), and a month or a year or a decade later we realize They did us a huge favor.

“I have more important things to do”

One of the things I was taught early on is the importance of an ancestor practice: “ancestors are your most accessible allies.” They may be less powerful than Gods, but they’re almost always available. Meanwhile, Gods are often busy doing God stuff.

Now, I’ve found that the more regularly I practice, the more regularly my Gods are noticeably present in my life. And if Their capacity isn’t infinite, it’s certainly very large. But something doesn’t have to be beyond their capabilities to be beneath Their dignity as Gods.

This especially happens when you ask for a spectacle.

Asking for confirmation is one thing – I do that frequently in divination. But asking for confirmation in a way that’s big and boisterous is asking to be ignored. Their communication is usually far more subtle. If your prayers aren’t answered you may not be listening closely enough.

Or you may be asking for something They’re never going to give you.

“You have more important things to do”

Let’s face it: many times we want things that ultimately don’t matter. It’s not that they’re frivolous and fun – we need frivolous and fun, at least occasionally. It’s that they’re trivial. They don’t matter. They won’t make us happy even in the moment, much less help us do our deeper work. This is especially true when our desires have been manipulated by advertising or entertainment.

This is why when I’m discussing petitionary prayer, I say “speak the yearnings of your heart.” What do you really, really want? It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of it – if it’s important to you, ask for it!

But don’t bring trivial things before the Gods.

“Come back when you’ve done what I told you to do”

In my experience – both first-hand and from the experiences of others – the Gods are usually quite forgiving with beginners. They know we’re human – They know we’re going to screw up from time to time. They don’t expect perfection – They expect us to make mistakes (and also to learn from them, but that’s another topic for another time).

But there comes a time when you’re not a beginner anymore.

After a while, the expectations get higher. The tolerance for careless errors gets less and less. And the willingness to overlook your failure to uphold your end of “maintaining a reciprocal relationship” goes to zero.

If your prayers aren’t answered, ask yourself if there’s something you’re supposed to be doing that you’re not. Or worse, if there’s something you promised to do that you’re not. If so, go take care of that and then come back. And if you can’t, then explain why and offer to do what you can instead. Your counteroffer may not be accepted, but it may – and at least you’re demonstrating that you’re taking your obligations seriously.

A process of discernment

Prayer is one of the ways we maintain our relationships with our Gods. When They respond favorably, the feeling is, well, divine.

When They don’t, it leaves us wondering why. These are six of the most common reasons our prayers aren’t answered. We have to do the work to figure out which one it is… or if there are multiple reasons… or if there are reasons that aren’t on this list. If there was an easy answer people wouldn’t have been asking this question for several millennia.

May your prayers always be genuine, may they always be heard, and may the answers always be clear, even when they aren’t the answers you want.

prayers aren't answered

unanswered prayers

Previous Post

September 26, 2021

What It Means To Put Your Gods First

Next Post

October 3, 2021 Don’t Call Me a Content Creator

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Books Community CUUPS Druidry Foundations and Context Gods and Goddesses Magic Myth Nature Ritual Spiritual Practice Theology Travel Uncategorized Videos

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Where did Elisha perform many miracles?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Samaria Jericho Shunem Bethel