Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Pagan
5 Things I Had to Unlearn as a Pagan

5 Things I Had to Unlearn as a Pagan

Last updated on: September 16, 2021 at 3:00 am by John Beckett

5 Things I Had to Unlearn as a Pagan 2021-09-14T14:35:08-06:00 John Beckett

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Thorn Mooney of the Oathbound blog had a post last week titled Learning and Unlearning Witchcraft: Can Bad Info Ruin Your Practice? It’s a excerpt from her new book The Witch’s Path: Advancing Your Craft at Every Level. I encourage you to read the post – if you like it read the whole book.

Her point in the post is that while there are problematic sources in witchcraft and Paganism, beginners shouldn’t obsess about avoiding all the “bad” stuff. Learning is a process and none of us get it all right the first time. She concludes by saying:

You don’t “unlearn” things – you analyze why they were meaningful at the time, what should change, and then you take the next step forward. That’s all any of us can do.

When I think about how my spiritual thinking has changed over the years, I see that I’ve followed a very similar process to what Thorn recommends. Is it fair to call that “unlearning” or is there a better term for it? I don’t know. But I think it’s helpful to review some of those changes, and the process by which they changed.

1. The Divine as a parent in the sky

Growing up Christian, I was taught that there is one God who is our father. I was taught that he loved us, but that he was a very strict and angry father. Being Baptist, we never heard about Mary or about the femininity of the Holy Spirit. One of the main things that attracted me to Paganism was the idea of a Mother Goddess as well as a Father God.

But early on I simply substituted a kindly Mother Goddess for an angry Father God. And in doing so, I kept the same monotheist cosmology, including the idea of the Divine as a parent.

In retrospect, I don’t know how I could have done otherwise – I had spent my whole life thinking of the Divine as one.

When I spent nine nights meditating on the Gods of the Egyptian Ennead, I realized that my experience of each deity was different. And so if I experienced Them as individuals, then I should understand Them as individuals and relate to Them as individuals.

Beyond that, I came to understand that the real problem here isn’t the idea of the Gods as parents, it’s the idea of humans as children. Sometimes the Gods are our parents, but They’re the parents of adult children, not the parents of infants. They’re not trying to smack us down and They’re not trying to make everything OK for us. They want us to be healthy adults.

2. Magic requires payment to keep the balance

This comes from fiction, but it’s made its way into Paganism and witchcraft. I’ve seen multiple fantasy authors create a world where magic exists, but it disrupts Nature. Payment is required to “maintain the balance.” Sometimes that’s a sacrifice (“a life for a life”), sometimes it’s suffering, and sometimes – clearly inspired by Doctor Faustus – it’s damnation.

The idea that Nature desires balance is attractive, and when we see symbiosis it’s understandable that we think that’s the way things should be. I don’t fault myself for thinking this way.

But when you step back and look at the big picture (especially from the perspective of deep time) you see that Nature is in constant change. Any balance that occurs is only temporary, at least on a cosmic time scale. There is no “balance” to maintain.

Beyond that, payment to maintain the balance requires some sort of cosmic accounting system, and I see no reason to believe such a thing exists.

The more I’ve practiced, the more I’ve come to see magic not as something outside Nature, but as part of Nature. Magical ability is part of our legacy as humans. It’s not evenly distributed: some of us are born with a lot, most of us are born with some, and a few are born with little. At the end of the day what matters most is what we do with the ability we have.

Either you can work the spell or you can’t. There is no balance to be maintained.

3. Interfering with someone’s free will is a terrible sin

“Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill – an it harm none do what ye will.”

Those words come from Doreen Valiente, in 1964. It’s a good piece of non-dogmatic ethics. It’s also a good piece of PR for witches, who historically have been feared as evil doers. But when I came into Paganism in the early 1990s, it was frequently expressed as “you cannot interfere with someone else’s free will.”

That’s a noble goal, and it stands in clear opposition to fundamentalists who attempt to force everyone to live by the rules of their religion.

The problem is that it’s an impossible goal. No one is an island – we are all connected, and whatever we do has at least some impact on everyone else. And while the universe is a place of abundance, it’s not a place of unlimited abundance. Work a quick spell to find a parking place and you may get it, but if you do you’ll keep others from getting it – and they may need it more than you.

This isn’t something I’ve unlearned so much as it’s something I’ve moderated over the years. I do my best to respect other people’s free will, because it’s the right thing to do. But to work magic is to steal fire from the Gods. It’s to say “I choose this” with the full understanding that there will be unforeseen consequences, some of which you will bear and some of which will be born by others. We make this choice because we also understand that if we don’t, others will – and we may not like what they choose.

Respecting other people’s free will is a noble goal, but violating it is a necessity.

4. The old ways are best

I think there’s something universal (or very nearly so) in the idea of a Golden Age – a time when all was right in the world. And then – so the story goes – either something bad happened or people gradually fell away from the True Way, and now the world is all messed up.

Christianity teaches a Golden Age: Eden, followed by the Fall. Beyond that, the fundamentalist church of my youth idolized “the New Testament Church” – which had little to do with what we know about how early Christians worshipped and more to do with retconning the Bible to match the 19th century U.S. revival movement.

Pagans have various expressions of this. The idea that early tribal societies were matriarchal and peaceful (they weren’t, at least not most of the time). Margaret Murray’s idea of medieval witchcraft as the remnants of a Goddess religion. The reconstructionists who aren’t satisfied to be inspired by our ancestors (as are most reconstructionists) and instead try to mimic their every custom and practice… with an emphasis on those that look like they came off the set of Vikings.

I’ve spent a fair amount of time looking into the origins of religion, and also into the origins of language. Part of that is simple curiosity, but much of it is the feeling that if I could grasp how it all began, I could connect to the Gods and other spirits in a cleaner, purer, and more direct manner.

The first problem is that we will never know enough about the supposed Golden Age to be able to reproduce it with any degree of accuracy. The more important problem is that we are not an ancient tribal society, or first century Christians, or Vikings. We’re 21st century Americans (or Canadians or Italians or whatever you happen to be). Our religions, our beliefs and practices, have to speak to us here and now.

Yes, there are some timeless truths. Hospitality and reciprocity are virtues today just as they were in Iron Age Britain. And we struggle to reclaim what was taken from our Pagan ancestors when Christianity and Islam conquered them. But our Paganism, our polytheism, our witchcraft must be ours.

Let’s build a place where we belong instead of searching for a past that never was.

5. Gender polarity is a necessity

I learned this early on my Pagan journey. Male and female had to be kept in balance. Every ritual needed a high priest and a high priestess. It needed a Goddess and a God. Some traditions taught that initiations could only be given male to female and female to male (and some still do).

Coming out of centuries of male-dominated religions, this made sense. Women had been ignored and excluded, and in some religions they still are. As modern Pagans, we would do better.

I didn’t give this much thought until I got to Denton CUUPS in 2003. And then one time I questioned the ritual part assignment – it wasn’t balanced. The leader – who was much younger but also much more experienced than me – said “yeah, well, we like to gender bend around here.” We did things her way, it worked fine, and I started wondering just how important all this was.

It wasn’t until one of our lesbian members asked “where am I supposed to fit into all this polarity?” that I started seriously questioning the whole concept. The more I thought, the more I realized that while like so many of us I simply accepted the gender I was assigned at birth, gender didn’t seem to make much difference in my spirituality.

Where do childless people fit into a fertility religion? Where do gay people fit into the chalice-and-blade Great Rite? Where do asexual and demisexual people fit into a “sex positive” religion? What do we do about those who pervert these sacred concepts for exploitative purposes? How do we deal with those who use these concepts to exclude trans people from their groups and their events?

There’s more than one good answer to each of those questions. My answer has been to make gender irrelevant. We honor the Gods for who and what They are. Any human can take on any role they’re up to doing, and they don’t have to take on roles that don’t feel right to them.

It works.

What do I need to unlearn next?

This post is over, but the process of learning and growth is not.

Some religions teach that revelation is sealed and that our understanding of the truth should never change. The Romans built some great roads, but I want my bridges designed and built by 21st century engineers. The Egyptians had some good physicians, but I prefer modern medicine, particularly if surgery is involved. Or vaccines.

I look back at some of the things I believed (and some of the candidates I voted for) when I was younger and I cringe. But only for a moment. When you learn better, then you can do better.

I genuinely do not understand people who deny facts and twist logic so they can cling to lies, misinformation, and ideas that just don’t fit any more. They insist they’ve always been right, facts be damned. I’d rather change my beliefs and practices and actually be right going forward.

And so I have no doubt that there’s something I think or believe or do right now that some day I’m going to have to unlearn. I don’t know what it is – if I did, I’d already be working on it. But when I find it, I’m confident I’ll change it – because I’ve done it before.

Previous Post

September 14, 2021

A Public Prayer

Next Post

September 19, 2021 The Pew Doors of St. Cuthbert’s – A Cautionary Tale for Us All

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Books Community CUUPS Druidry Foundations and Context Gods and Goddesses Magic Myth Nature Ritual Spiritual Practice Theology Travel Uncategorized Videos

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which Christian denomination is most common in Russia?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Methodist Baptist Eastern Orthodox Catholic