Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Pagan
Must We Speak No Ill of the Dead?

Must We Speak No Ill of the Dead?

Last updated on: February 25, 2021 at 3:00 am by John Beckett

Must We Speak No Ill of the Dead? 2021-02-19T17:05:14-06:00 John Beckett

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

The death of Rush Limbaugh last week raised an issue that comes up every time someone who is disliked – by anyone – dies: must we speak no ill of the dead?

And where did that idea come from, anyway?

This Washington Post article, written in 2018 after the death of John McCain, traces the saying to the Greek philosopher Chilon of Sparta, who lived in the 6th century BCE. It comes to us from Chilon through Diogenes Laërtius (4th century CE), and then through Ambrogio Traversari (1433) who translated it into Latin: De mortuis nihil nisi bonum: “of the dead, say nothing but good.”

The saying is both very old and non-Christian. So while the idea that only the Christian God can judge the dead may help explain its continued use, it doesn’t explain its origin.

In any case, I’m less concerned with where it came from and more concerned with whether or not it’s something we should observe.

Julius Caesar. “The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones.”

The desire to pass judgement

We need to start here. Whether our politics are left, center, or right; whether our religion is Pagan, Christian, atheist, or anything else; whether we liked the deceased or not, most of us do this. When someone dies we want to instantly declare them “good” or “bad.”

The problem is that we rarely know someone’s full life, and we never know their heart. And so we make two mistakes.

The first mistake is that we draw conclusions based on incomplete information. And sometimes, on wrong information. I was getting ready to write a rather different piece on Rush Limbaugh. Then I looked through his book (published in 1993, when I was listening to him regularly) and realized that my memories of what he used to say were faulty.

The second mistake is that we quickly and intuitively distill a lifetime down to “good” or “bad.” If we liked the person we praise them and mourn their passing. If we didn’t like them we criticize them and say how the world is better off without them.

People are complicated. Their lives are even more so. Whether we speak good or ill of the dead, what we say is guaranteed to be incomplete.

The living are not a jury for the dead. Our opinions – however valid they may be – have no impact on the kind of afterlife the deceased will experience (our actions may have an impact, but that’s another topic for another time).

When we pass judgement on the dead what we say is usually more about us than it is about them.

Judging actions vs. judging people

We don’t know everything about anybody and we don’t know much about most people, especially public figures. But what we do know is how they impacted our lives.

The sometimes-popular New Age saying “nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent” is spiritual bypassing. The truth is that those who verbally attack others harm them. Those like Rush Limbaugh who ridicule people who are suffering make things worse for them. Those who advocate for policies that cause harm bear some responsibility for that harm, even if they didn’t cause it directly.

Maybe someone else could “just ignore them.” Maybe someone else had the resources to insulate themselves from the person’s words and actions. That doesn’t mean everyone could.

And that’s before we get to abusive parents and spouses and others who caused physical suffering in addition to emotional suffering.

It is normal, healthy, and ethical to be glad a source of your suffering is gone.

There have been few people whose deaths I celebrated. There have been many who I was very glad were finally gone.

Respect the grieving

For you, a source of suffering or irritation is gone. For someone else, a loved one is gone.

This, more than anything else, is the true wisdom behind nil nisi bonum. Whatever complaint you may have had with someone who did bad things, it does not extend to those who loved them. This is not the time to tell people “the hard truth” about a parent, child, or friend. They have their hands full dealing with a very real loss. It is selfish and blatantly disrespectful to attack the grieving and make their suffering worse.

Here’s an article from 2019 about a Catholic priest who turned the funeral of a young man into his own rant against suicide. “He was up there condemning our son, pretty much calling him a sinner. He wondered if he had repented enough to make it to heaven.” Whatever the position of the Catholic church and this particular priest on the question of suicide, adding to the family’s grief was inexcusable.

There may be times when the record needs to be set straight. But that time is not in the hours and days immediately after someone’s death.

When the dead are public figures

The Washington Post article discussed how the internet has changed how we talk about the dead. As with the living, people say things from behind a keyboard that they’d never say face to face. They also say thing about people they never knew beyond their public persona.

Our obligation to “fans” (a word that grossly understates what some public figures mean to some of us) is less than our obligation to the family and close friends of the dead. But it’s not nothing, either.

When Ruth Bader Ginsburg died, my first public response was a brief Facebook post expressing shock and grief. Many people joined in with their own thoughts, and their fears for the future. But one person commented that while they weren’t celebrating her death, they were glad there would be no more of her liberal opinions on the court. I shut them down, which I rarely do: “not tonight – people are grieving.”

I said what I thought needed to be said on the death of Rush Limbaugh: he was a skilled entertainer who got rich mocking people who were suffering, and anyone who disagreed with his politics.

But I did not post this or similar comments on the pages of my friends who remembered him fondly. There will be plenty of other times to discuss the reasons we viewed Limbaugh so differently. In the moment, I need to let them mourn their loss.

What will people say when you die?

I think this is the other primary logic behind nil nisi bonum. If I say something bad about the dead, someone else may say something bad about me when I die.

But keeping people from saying bad things about you doesn’t require a mutual non-aggression pact. Rather, the best way to keep people from saying bad things about you after you’re dead is to live in such a way as to make such comments unthinkable.

A quote from Franklin Roosevelt that made its way into a 2015 Democratic Presidential debate says “judge me by the enemies I have made.” If fundamentalists and fascists speak ill of me after my death, I will consider that a great victory.

I’m more concerned with what my family, friends, and co-religionists say about me.

And the time to work on that is now.

Previous Post

February 23, 2021

Interpreting Dreams, and Why I (Probably) Can’t Do It For You

Next Post

February 28, 2021 The 6 Celebrity Deaths That Impacted Me The Most

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Books Community CUUPS Druidry Foundations and Context Gods and Goddesses Magic Myth Nature Ritual Spiritual Practice Theology Travel Uncategorized Videos

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who was the longest-reigning king?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Solomon David Manasseh Asa