Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Evangelical
Proverbs 5:1-23 Staying Faithful

Proverbs 5:1-23 Staying Faithful

Last updated on: June 22, 2013 at 6:11 pm by Jim Erwin

Proverbs 5:1-23 Staying Faithful 2013-06-22T18:11:47-05:00 Jim Erwin

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Proverbs 5:1-23 Staying Faithful

Before I married Maggie dear,
I was her pumpkin pie,
Her precious peach and honey boy,
The apple of her eye.
But after years of married life
This thought I pause to utter:
Those fancy names are now all gone,
I’m just her bread and butter.

I know that this is how marriage feels to many people. We used to really love each other, but now we are there just to provide for each other. What happened? My answer to you is that life happened.

You get married and you work hard at it. You are very romantic and you work at meeting each other’s needs. Then all of a sudden, the bills come. The children come. Late work comes. If you are not careful with tending your own marriage, problems.

You see, marriage is like a garden. You plant good fruits and vegetables to provide for the family. But if you don’t tend it, weeds grow up. Weeds, which can prevent the fruit of the garden from producing. The next thing you know, you are upset because your garden isn’t working and so you quit. You don’t tend your garden. Instead, you look to something or somebody else to provide that beautiful garden for you. You get so happy that there is another easier garden, that you forget your own. In time, you move out and stay in another garden.

In this passage, we have a warning against unfaithfulness. The challenge is how to remain faithful in your marriage. The lesson here is this:

LESSON: Be rational, not emotional about staying faithful.

Society says that marriage is like this:

Love –> Like

God says that marriage is like this:

Like –> Love
Let me share with you three secrets to staying faithful in your marriage.

SECRETS TO STAYING FAITHFUL

Listen to Godly advice (5:1-2)

“My son, pay attention to my wisdom; listen closely to my understanding so that you may maintain discretion and your lips safeguard knowledge.” (Proverbs 5:1–2, HCSB)

Here, the father is sharing Godly advice with his son. Many times, people ask for advice before they get into marriage. Some don’t even ask. They just go headlong into it. However, the Bible places great emphasis on getting wise counsel. All through the book of Proverbs, we are advised to seek wisdom.

“a wise man will listen and increase his learning, and a discerning man will obtain guidance—” (Proverbs 1:5, HCSB)

Wisdom is useful in life. It is especially helpful in marriage.

Watch out for the potential of a fatal attraction (5:3-14)

This is where the wisdom plays out in marriage. One of the ten commandments is to not commit adultery, and another is not to desire a neighbor’s wife.

“Do not commit adultery.” (Exodus 20:14, HCSB)

“Do not covet your neighbor’s house. Do not covet your neighbor’s wife, his male or female slave, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” (Exodus 20:17, HCSB)

The same commandment found in Deuteronomy places the neighbor’s wife before the property.

“Do not covet your neighbor’s wife or desire your neighbor’s house, his field, his male or female slave, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” (Deuteronomy 5:21, HCSB)

The idea is desiring a person’s spouse is just as dangerous and having a sexual affair. As the Bible shows, one can easily lead to the other.

Years ago, there was a film entitled Fatal Attraction. The plot of the movie was that woman was literally obsessed with a man played by Michael Douglas. The film illustrates the process of destruction which can happen to a marriage. Let’s look at that process in these verses.

PROCESS OF A FATAL ATTRACTION

Flattery (5:3-6)
Flirt (5:7-8)
Fracture (5:9-10)
Failure (5:11-14)

So what do you do? How do you prevent a fatal attraction from destroying you and your family. The Bible is very clear that as married couples, we were designed to enjoy the person God has give us.

Enjoy who God has given you (5:15-20)

David Jeremiah shares the story in his book, Powerful Principles from Proverbs:

I remember a television interview program some time ago where the guest was a well-known actor. The host asked him, “What makes a great lover?” His answer surprised everyone: “A great lover is someone who can satisfy one woman for all her life, and be satisfied by one woman all his life. Not someone who goes from woman to woman. Any dog can do that.”

“Drink water from your own cistern, water flowing from your own well.” (Proverbs 5:15, HCSB)

“Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth.” (Proverbs 5:18, HCSB)

The solution is to discover your spouse, and then enjoy that person. Society has taught us to enjoy now and discover later. The problem with that notion is that because we are a pleasure driven society, once we enjoy someone, we don’t want to discover more about them.
Discovering —> Enjoying NOT Enjoying —> Discovering

The Bible teaches that we should enjoy everything about our spouse, not just the sex.

Enjoy your spouse, not just the sex. (5:15-18)

The last lesson in enjoying our spouse to spend quality, intimate, and emotional time with our spouses.

Be emotional with your spouse, but be rational with everyone else. (5:19-20)

You should be infatuated with your spouse. You should want to know more about that person. You should be able to invest in that person. You should be able to pour your heart out to that person.
With everyone else, we need to keep some emotional distance. We need to stay rational.

“A loving doe, a graceful fawn— let her breasts always satisfy you; be lost in her love forever. Why, my son, would you be infatuated with a forbidden woman or embrace the breast of a stranger?” (Proverbs 5:19–20, HCSB)

The father here asks a very good question.

“For a man’s ways are before the Lord’s eyes, and He considers all his paths. A wicked man’s iniquities entrap him; he is entangled in the ropes of his own sin. He will die because there is no discipline, and be lost because of his great stupidity.” (Proverbs 5:21–23, HCSB)

He answers that we are not alone when we have an affair.

What if your spouse is not enjoyable?

I know what you are thinking. My spouse is not enjoyable. I don’t like him or her. They are dull. If that is the case, then God is giving you a warning sign. The dullness has come because of some unfaithfulness in the marriage. Maybe she is looking elsewhere. Maybe you are looking elsewhere. The fact that one of you is looking elsewhere means that unfaithfulness is not far behind. This is God’s warning light. He is sounding an alarm to you that you need to take action. So what do you do?

“He will die because there is no discipline, and be lost because of his great stupidity.”
(Proverbs 5:23, HCSB)

It takes discipline to stay faithful. How do you show discipline in your marriage relationship? You have to start again.

THREE WAYS TO SPARK THE ATTRACTION (AGAIN)

(Re)-discover your spouse

Maybe you need to re-discover your spouse. If you are not enjoying your spouse, or you can’t enjoy your spouse, then it’s time to rediscover the person God has brought to you.

Build trust with one another

Second, the whole basis of marriage is trust. When the fatal attraction knocks on your door, then it is time to see where the trust has left your marriage.

Find ways to enjoy each other

Date your spouse again. Dating is not something we do at the beginning. It is something we continue to do even in the marriage.

Let me end with a portion of a poem written by Pastor John Piper, which he has used as advice for young couples. It is entitled: Lover Her More and Love Her Less.

If you now aim your wife to bless,
Then love her more and love her less.

If in the coming years, by some
Strange providence of God, you come
To have the riches of this age,
And, painless, stride across the stage
Beside your wife, be sure in health
To love her, love her more than wealth.

And if your life is woven in
A hundred friendships, and you spin
A festal fabric out of all
Your sweet affections, great and small,
Be sure, no matter how it rends,
To love her, love her more than friends.

And if there comes a point when you
Are tired, and pity whispers, “Do
Yourself a favor. Come, be free;
Embrace the comforts here with me.
”Know this! Your wife surpasses these:
So love her, love her more than ease.

And when your marriage bed is pure,
And there is not the slightest lure
Of lust for any but your wife,
And all is ecstasy in life,
A secret all of this protects:
Go love her, love her more than sex.

And if your taste becomes refined,
And you are moved by what the mind
Of man can make, and dazzled by
His craft, remember that the “why”
Of all this work is in the heart;
So love her, love her more than art.

And if your own should someday be
The craft that critics all agree
Is worthy of a great esteem,
And sales exceed your wildest dream,
Beware the dangers of a name.
And love her, love her more than fame.

And if, to your surprise, not mine,
God calls you by some strange design
To risk your life for some great cause,
Let neither fear nor love give pause,
And when you face the gate of death,
Then love her, love her more than breath.

Yes, love her, love her, more than life;
Oh, love the woman called your wife.
Go love her as your earthly best.
Beyond this venture not. But, lest
Your love become a fool’s facade,
Be sure to love her less than God.

It is not wise or kind to call
An idol by sweet names, and fall,
As in humility, before
A likeness of your God. Adore
Above your best beloved on earth
The God alone who gives her worth.
And she will know in second place

That your great love is also grace,
And that your high affections now
Are flowing freely from a vow
Beneath these promises, first made
To you by God. Nor will they fade
For being rooted by the stream
Of Heaven’s Joy, which you esteem
And cherish more than breath and life,
That you may give it to your wife.

The greatest gift you give your wife
Is loving God above her life.
And thus I bid you now to bless:
Go love her more by loving less.

Previous Post

June 20, 2013

Moving to a One World Economy Through Free Trade Agreements

Next Post

June 28, 2013 Jeremiah 12:1-17 Giving Myself a Spiritual Check Up

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 1 Chronicles 1 Corinthians 1 John 1 Kings 1 Peter 1 Samuel 1 Thessalonians 1 Timothy 2 Chronicles 2 Corinthians 2 John 2 Kings 2 Peter 2 Samuel 2 Thessalonians 2 Timothy 3 John Acts Advent Amos Book Review Colossians Comics Culture Watch Daniel Deuteronomy Ecclesiastes Ephesians Esther Exodus Ezekiel Ezra Galatians Genesis Guest Post Habakkuk Haggai Hebrews Hosea Humor Inspiritational Isaiah James Jeremiah Job Joel John Jonah Joshua Jude Judges Lamentations Lectionary Lent Leviticus Link Love Luke Malachi Mark Matthew Micah Movie Review Nahum Nehemiah Numbers Philippians Political Watch Prophecy Watch Proverbs Psalm Revelation Reviews Romans Ruth Science Watch Sermon Series Sermons Simple Thoughts Song of Solomon Titus Top Ten Uncategorized Video Review Zechariah Zephaniah

Select a Month May 2026 October 2025 September 2025 June 2025 February 2025 January 2025 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 July 2024 June 2024 April 2024 March 2024 January 2024 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 June 2023 May 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 January 2022 June 2021 January 2021 October 2020 July 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2009 June 2008 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 October 2006 September 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 September 2005

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Whose daughter did Jesus raise from the dead in Capernaum?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Mary's daughter Jairus' daughter Nicodemus' daughter Joseph's daughter