When Familes Fall Apart

Last updated on: September 14, 2006 at 2:30 am by Scot McKnight

When Familes Fall Apart 2006-09-14T02:30:14-05:00 Scot McKnight

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Once or twice a year a student in my office informs me that his or her parents are getting divorced or going through serious marital issues. One student was overwhelmed by the gravity of her situation: After explaining that she knew her parents were glued together for the last few years by her, and that after leaving for college the glue began to crack, she asked me if the divorce was her fault.

Has this been your story, either as child or parent? If so, how can you help those of us who are called to counsel these young adults?
Children — and I say this to parents and to the students — need an emotional and physical base from which they launch into the world of college and then beyond that into their own homes. When that base falls apart, the children have difficulties both leaving and being away.
Some parents who are experiencing serious maritial tension seem to have the notion that when their children go to college those children will no longer need them. Not true — at least for most. It is very difficult for children in college — and younger and even older — to see their home base fall apart.
Many students have told me how difficult it is to go “home” to “two” homes instead of to one, and that they can no longer participate in their family traditions as they did as children. “It’s just not the same,” is a standard comment. “I wish it was,” is the heart-felt yearning.
I’m not sure what you say about such situations, but I often explain to students the following ideas:
First, they are not to blame for their parents’ divorce. They may have been glue, but the glue was created because their parents were experiencing problems.
Second, I try to get them to see that very rarely can they “fix” the problem by going back home. It seems important to me to explain that their parents’ problem is their parents’ problem — and not theirs.
Third, I do my best to listen to the kids who talk to me about such things. But, I realize each time that a hole has been created in their hearts and lives, and sometimes that hole will remain.
I feel sad when this happens for the child sitting in my office.
Parents … Maybe this can be a wake-up call for our marriages. Even adult and young adult children suffer when familes are broken.
A new principle for the blog: The Blogmeister has to weigh in on an issue. Some have recently been writing extensively long comments and even downloading lengthy quotations of Scripture when a reference to the text (e.g., 1 Cor 13) will do just fine. My problem is that many readers have written to me and said they are shut out of the conversation when someone writes in a 2000 word essay as a comment because they feel they can’t follow the thread enough to comment.
So, be warned: comments that are too long will be deleted. Keep to the point; keep it brief; be a conversationalist. Try to keep your comments to 3-5 short paragraphs; reasonable length; imagine how long you would talk when in a conversation. Give others a chance. Get to the point rather than expatiate on your point. We do a good job in how we behave; let’s also respect the thread so all can follow along.
Final point from the Blogmeister: each of your comments comes to me as an e-mail. I’d like to read each of your comments carefully, so thanks for making my job easier by sticking to the point and doing so with some brevity.

Education

Previous Post

September 14, 2006

The Real Mary: Sample Chapter

Next Post

September 15, 2006 Transforming Sacrifice

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Acts of the Apostles Adam Advent Anabaptism Angels Anglican Apologetics Atonement Baptism BCP Prayers Bible Biblical Studies Birds Blogging Bloglossary Bonhoeffer Books Calvinism Christianity Church Church History Coffee Colossians Commentary Recs Conversion Creation Creeds Culture Death Ecclesiastes Economics Education Embracing Grace Emergent Emerging Movement Eschatology Essays Ethics Eucharist Evangelicalism Family Fasting Fathers Fellowship of Differents Footsteps Tour Fun and Whimsical Gospel Grace Happiness Heaven Hell Holy Spirit Irenaeus James Jesus Jesus Creed Job Justification Kingdom of God Law Lectures Lent Liberalism Love and Marriage Mabanteneni Manhood Mary Miracles Missio Alliance MissioLife Missional Missional Jesus Movies and Film New Perspective Northern Seminary OneLife Origins Project Orthodox Parables Pastor's Spouse Pastoring and Leading Pastoring and Preaching Patristics Paul Paul-John Tour Pharisees Pietism Political Theology Prayer and Formation Preaching Problems for Faith Psalm 119 Psalms Public Issues Purgatory Religions Resurrection Revelation Romans Rule of JCreed Science and Faith Sermon on the Mount Sports Ten Commandments Theology Third Way Top Ten Lists Translations Uncategorized Universalism University Ministry Way Out Weekly Meanderings Wisdom Women and Ministry Work Worship Writing & Blogging Youth Ministry

Select a Month July 2021 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 0000

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does "Deuteronomy" mean in Greek?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Sacred Song Second Law Great Journey Many Stories