Hey Mormons, Help a Guy Out

Last updated on: September 3, 2012 at 1:33 pm by Jeremy Lott

Hey Mormons, Help a Guy Out 2012-09-03T13:33:23-07:00 Jeremy Lott

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As part of a long commissioned piece that I am currently writing, I use a joke. Would any Mormon Jeremy Lott’s Diary readers please let me know if the highlighted part in the first sentence is correct. Bonus: If you read all the way to the end of the joke, I may have improved the punchline. Here it is:

There’s an old joke about the flood and the true believer that gets recycled endlessly in sermons from Protestant, Catholic and Mormon pulpits. Heavy, pounding rains have busted a local levy and water starts pouring into a Midwestern town. The evacuation order goes out. Almost everybody gets out of town to avoid being swallowed up by the flood.

One pious man decides not to get out of town because he has had a revelation: “the Lord will save me.” The waters keep rising and he climbs onto the roof of his garage to temporary safety. A guy in a rowboat who was late to get the evacuation order comes by and says, “Come on in. I’ll row us to safety.” The believer says, “No, that’s OK. You go on. The Lord will save me.”

The waters keep rising. Our pious homeowner climbs onto the roof of his house, because the garage is now completely submerged. One of the last people out of town comes by on a motorboat. He says, “Jump in and I’ll get us out of here.” The religious man is tempted but says, “Thanks, friend, but the Lord will see me through this.”

The waters continue to rise like Noah’s rain shower. Finally, the man gets up to the tip of his roof. Only his head and shoulders protrude from the waters. A rescue helicopter comes by and somehow manages to spot him. Over the loudspeaker, one of the guys in the chopper tells him they’ll throw a rope down with a harness. He’ll need to hook himself in and they’ll yank him up. He yells back, “No that’s OK! Go ahead! The Lord will save me!” Frustrated, they move on, looking for someone else to pull out of the drink.

The guy drowns. He goes to heaven. Once Saint Peter let’s him through the pearly gates, he says to God, “I was so sure you were going to save me from that flood. Why did you let me drown?” God says, “I sent you a rowboat, a motorboat, and a helicopter. What were you waiting for, the parting of the Red Sea?”

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