Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Catholic
Promiscuous vs. Predatory: How to Tell the Difference

Promiscuous vs. Predatory: How to Tell the Difference

Last updated on: June 23, 2018 at 2:06 pm by Jennifer Fitz

Promiscuous vs. Predatory: How to Tell the Difference 2018-06-23T14:06:19-05:00 Jennifer Fitz

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

In response to the McCarrick case, Fr. Longenecker, with whom I generally agree, writes something I think is horribly mistaken. He describes McCarrick’s behavior as “sex games,” which he attributes to sexual immaturity. Fr. L. is correct in saying that sexual immaturity is a problem; I think he is wrong in asserting that McCarrick was not being predatory.

We are both, of course, basing our analysis on the publicly-available allegations against the cardinal, and may be lacking crucial additional information. For readers here, though, the question is relevant not because we are judge and jury concerning McCarrick, but because we may find ourselves in the position of having to make the call in other situations. Promiscuous behavior among consenting adults is gravely immoral but it isn’t harassment. I think the allegations against McCarrick are allegations of harassment and molestation.

Yesterday’s post contains links to assorted accounts, some of them quite detailed, of the allegations against McCarrick.

See if this sounds like “sex games” and “horsing around” — from excerpts of the civil suit the Archdiocese of Newark settled concerning sexual harassment claims against McCarrick:

As he continued touching me, I felt more afraid. He even tried several times to force his hands under my shorts. He tried to roll me over so that he could get on top of me, but I resisted, I felt sick and disgusted and finally was able to jump out of bed. I went into the bathroom where I vomited several times and started to cry.

That’s no game.

Here are a few things I’ve written about thwarting sexual predators operating in parish youth programs. When the victim is an adult, sexual harassment is still a crime. The same concepts apply:

My big three red flags are all present in the McCarrick Case:

Inappropriate Intimacy: The Behavior Doesn’t Match the Context. A group of people sharing a hotel room, dormitory, or other communal housing do not therefore automatically engage in sexual activity with one another.
Intentional or Persistent Behavior. McCarrick wasn’t accidentally rolling over and bumping into someone, apologizing, and making sure it didn’t happen again. He was actively groping.
Won’t Accept No. This is the flag that tells us there was no game.

Promiscuity will involve making a pass at one’s intended sexual partner. If McCarrick started with a brush of the hand, and read the signs that an advance was welcome, and thus found one (or several) young men who were interested in a sexual liaison, that would be immoral — Fr. Longenecker’s “sex games” — but it wouldn’t be necessarily predatory.

By definition of course we can ask ourselves if there is true consent between a seminarian and a bishop, since there is a clear power imbalance at play. But we can at least imagine it’s possible.

A predator, in contrast, pursues the victim despite the victim’s efforts to escape the encounter. People don’t run to the bathroom and vomit over an awkward case of crossed signals. If the allegations are true, McCarrick was a predator.

So why would Fr. Longenecker, often a very clear-headed analyst, fail to make this distinction? I’ve written about that, too:

For those who are pure, it is tempting to believe all things are pure. Wise as serpents doesn’t come easily.

***

If you are trying to catch up on this topic, here are a few other links that may be of interest:

The temptation is to over-simplify. If you have no experience with what abusive relationships look like, give thanks to God and then inform yourself.

Artwork via Wikimedia, Ansgar Koreng / CC BY-SA 4.0

Previous Post

June 22, 2018

Soldiers for Christ Hiding Under the Bed

Next Post

June 24, 2018 A New Basilica, and Bishop Who Has Things He Needs to Say

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Books Catechesis Catholic Q&A Chastity Church Craziness Come See Me Talk Disability & Chronic Illness Economics Evangelization Facepalm Forgiveness Good Things History Homeschooling Human Rights It's All Catholic Listen to Me Survey Series Liturgical Living Marriage Modesty Not Satire. But almost. Rant-o-Rama Sacred Art & Music Satire South Carolina Spark Clutter Stick that Corner Suffering Thinking Topics Writing Stuff

Select a Month November 2026 October 2026 September 2026 July 2026 June 2026 January 2026 December 2025 September 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 November 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 May 2019 April 2019 February 2019 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who said, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Peter Jesus Isaiah John the Baptist