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The Vagina of Jesus

The Vagina of Jesus

Last updated on: July 17, 2015 at 12:38 am by Jeff Hood

The Vagina of Jesus 2015-07-17T00:38:56-06:00 Jeff Hood

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“How dare you insinuate Jesus had a vagina!” The woman was livid. In my talk, I stumbled on the most disturbing idea she’d ever been presented with. With church doctrine and dogma over the centuries in mind, the thought of Jesus having a vagina didn’t seem too out there for me. Since the earliest days of the church, haven’t Christians believed that Jesus was fully human and fully divine in every sense of the words?

“So you believe that Jesus was transgender?” “What would be so bad about that?” I mused aloud. Knowing that I didn’t have time for extended conversation about gender performance, I pressed on with a conversation focused on genitalia. While I can’t know for sure, I feel like some combination between a vagina and penis was probably what the most perfect representative of all sexes and genders to ever exist was working with. Regardless, the woman continued, “I know for a fact that Jesus was a man with a penis!” In deep anticipation of a strong argument, I waited for her next sentence. “We all know that God has a penis and Jesus is God.” “What happens when God gets an erection?” I asked. I couldn’t help but make an absurd remark. The idea of anyone being certain that God has a penis and a penis alone was too much for me. Feeling the need to wrap up the conversation, I paused and asked her a question, “How did the penis feel when you reached up Jesus’ skirt and grabbed it?” I don’t know anyone who ever saw or touched the sexual organs of Jesus. Flabbergasted, the woman walked out.

“God created humanity in God’s own image, in the divine image God created them, male and female God created them.” With regard to our connection to God, I believe there is no more powerful of a verse of scripture than Genesis 1:27. The scriptures declare that God created the first persons to be male and female. In Eden, I believe the first persons had both sexual organs and functioned at unique spaces on the gender spectrum. The scriptures declare that the entireties of our beings are created in the very image of God. How could God not have both sexual organs? The first persons were intimately connected to God. Throughout the early church, there was a constant theological desire to connect Jesus with the first persons. If Jesus was like the first persons, then it makes since that Jesus would have a vagina and a penis.

Regardless of whether you believe these theological arguments or not, Jesus declares that the incarnation is not a singular event. In Matthew 25:40, Jesus says, “What you have done to the least of these…you have done to me.” In placing Jesus’ very being with the least of these, Jesus becomes the least of these. Throughout Matthew 25, Jesus says that the person of Jesus will inhabit the hungry, the thirsty, those who are strangers, the naked, the sick and those who are in prison. I think we can be certain that persons with vaginas are regularly a part of each of these categories. With that affirmed and sealed for eternity, we can also be sure that Jesus has a vagina.

I believe that the vagina of Jesus is a miraculous occurrence. We should work to smash the patriarchal understandings of Jesus for broader conceptions that create greater access to the person of Jesus. If this essay offends you…I encourage you to get saved from your addiction to erectile theology.

Amen.

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