Introvert Alert

Last updated on: June 30, 2015 at 3:38 pm by Alyssa Bethke

Introvert Alert 2015-06-30T15:38:10-10:00 Alyssa Bethke

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I am an introvert.

I said it.

Truth be told, there it is.

I never thought I was growing up. In fact, I didn’t really know I was until two years ago, when I went to an overnight event with no one I knew. I was so timid. So shy. I really wouldn’t have minded hanging out in my bedroom all by myself all weekend. I mean, having to meet new people and being in a huge crowd of people that I don’t know? No thanks. My heart is beating fast just thinking about it.

I guess it makes sense then that I am a writer. I process on paper. It takes time for me to understand my heart and feelings, and dig through my layers. I have to pray- a lot. And make lists. Lots of lists.

I love to write. I love to share what God’s doing in my life. I love to type out truths, and share my deep self here on this computer screen. It comes so easy. Tap tap tap go the keys. And then I paste it onto wordpress, click a button, and BAAM. All the world can see (Okay, totally not ALL THE WORLD! Like my mom, and best friend…), and I forget that I wrote it and leave it at that. All done.

Now admitting that I’m an introvert is good. It helps me understand myself better. Helps me know how to fuel up, and how I work. Also being a writer is great. It’s that gift God’s given me, and I’m so thankful for it. I’m thankful for all the journals I’ve gone through throughout the years, for all the words that have been written down on paper where God has met me and healed me, and freed me. Words are so powerful in my world.

But being an introvert, and a writer, is not something I can hide behind.

2 Timothy 1:7, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self control.”

Christ in me. Dwells with me. Resides in me. His Spirit is not a spirit of fear. Not a spirit of timidity, but of great power, wrapped in love and covered in self control.

The message says it this way, “God doesn’t want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold and loving and sensible.”

I have a hard time asking the hard questions- of other people yes, but even of myself! I’m scared it’ll be too deep, that people will be put off that I asked it. Now, I’m not talking about people I just met! Ha wouldn’t that be something? But I mean people that have invited me into their lives. I’m scared they’ll not like me. I’m scared that I’ll ask the wrong question. I’m scared that they’ll get mad, or hurt or… What am I afraid of really?

Because truth is, I love when people ask me the hard questions. When people want to know me- not just surface level me, but the real me. I feel so loved. So cherished. So wanted. And especially because I myself take longer to open up to people, when someone asks me a deep question, I just want to hug them.

It’s easy for me to ask questions, or go deep, on the computer- with emails or texts. But face to face? I close up. Isn’t that so the enemy though? To tell me it’ll be too much for someone. Now, yes, there needs to be discretion and wisdom and deep sense of grace and love. But so often I shy away when really it’s the Spirit prompting me to go further, dig deeper, and get to know someone. Asking questions is an art in our culture today. Listening well.

I want to be that person. I want to be vulnerable and authentic behind this computer, but even more so face-to-face. I want to go deep. I want to dive into true community. The community that God intends for us.

Can you relate to this struggle at all? When was a time that you opened up, or asked a deep question of someone, and saw the fruit and blessing from it? How can you grow in courage with community?

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