Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Evangelical
Ephesians 5.33 | Love

Ephesians 5.33 | Love

Last updated on: February 3, 2020 at 9:00 am by Rev. Jared V. Ingle

Ephesians 5.33 | Love 2020-01-31T11:06:08-05:00 Rev. Jared V. Ingle

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband. – Ephesians 5.33, NRSV

Wesley Adams, a commentator in the Full Life Bible Commentary, writes, “5:33 summarizes the entire passage: The husband ‘must love his wife,’ and ‘the wife must respect her husband.’”[1]

In 2004, Thomas Nelson published the book Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs, by Emerson Eggerichs.[2] This book has been transforming marriages ever since, based on this simple concept in Ephesians 5. As Emerson teaches about love and respect, he shows us the importance of this Scripture.

In this culture, a love-dominated society, a woman tends to talk far more about her need for love than her husband talks about his need for respect. Biblically there are two sides to the marital coin: love AND respect. We need to think Biblically not just culturally . . .

Ephesians 5 | Love

Unconditional respect is as powerful to a husband as unconditional love is to a wife. This truth needs to be put back on the marital radar screen. It’s a lasting contribution that Emerson has made to the ongoing dialogue among Christian marriage and family leaders.

Running in circles

Most of the time, we are hardwired to think in terms of cause and effect. We want to trace a problem, or a success, back to its root causes. This is evidence of a linear mindset. We usually apply this type of thinking in our marriages when we’re troubleshooting or trying to stop arguments.

A + B = C

i.e. A (someone starts something) + B (the spouse reacts) = C (an argument follows)

Is it really that simple?

Most of the time we’re not operating in a linear fashion. More than likely we’re running in circles. Consider these lines that pastors and marriage counselors often hear.

“You know, if you’d be a little more submissive, I’d be a little more loving!” claims the husband and, of course, she retorts, “Well, if you’d be a little more loving I might consider being more submissive.”[3]

Love and submission are like love and respect. Both are needed in marriage, but one does not build off of the other as much as they both support each other. Therefore we are not talking about linear thinking.

We’re talking about circular causality.

This is a cycle that spins, for better or for worse. If a husband does not feel respected by his wife, it is sometimes difficult for him to show her the love she needs. If a wife does not feel loved by her husband, it’s sometimes difficult for her to show him the respect he needs.

Whether or not the cycle is spinning in a positive or negative direction, we are called by Scripture to operate this way in marriage. So if my spouse does not respond the way I like, it does not mean I’m off the hook. I answer to God for the way I treat my spouse.

agape

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her . . . In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself . . . Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband. – Ephesians 5.25, 28, 33

The word that is used six times here for “love” is the verbal form of agape. We tend to think of it as the love of God, and it certainly is associated with the love of God in the New Testament. We may also think of agape as unconditional love, but that is not quite a full understanding.

When we speak about unconditional love, it is usually in the context of me as a receiver of the love. In some instances, we come to expect this love from God, just like we come to expect forgiveness. We may even develop a sense of entitlement. “I’m entitled to God’s love and forgiveness because it is unconditional.” When we think this way, we are treading on thin ice.

To understand agape, we must think in terms of the doer rather than the receiver. Agape is better understood as committed and even sacrificial love. Therefore instead of receiving unconditional love, I become a conduit of the committed love of God that flows to all of humanity within my reach.

In marriage I love my wife with a love that is constant in good times and bad . . . available with or without the feelings . . . sacrificial to the point of valuing her life above mine . . . and committed to seeing her as God sees her.

The love of Christ

Agape is less about unconditional love that I receive and more about a committed, self-sacrificial love that I offer freely.

This is the love of Christ for His Church. This is the kind of love that can stop the deadly cycle of sin in our lives. It’s also the kind of love that can stop the downward spiral in our marriages.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. – Ephesians 5.25

This committed, self-sacrificial love from the husband is complimented by her honor for him.

Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband. – Ephesians 5.33

featured image:

Dan & Angela Norris | Empire State Building | 03.04.19 | used with permission

Pastor Dan Norris is simply a paragon of Christian love for his wife, their three daughters, their next generation that is coming along, his church, the people of God, people in general, and fellow ministers. One way his love is exhibited is in his authentic approach in any conversation, the way he tunes out excess chatter, and hones-in on anyone he’s talking to. In a crowd, he can make you feel like you’re the only one in the room. Anyone who has been in a good conversation with Pastor Dan has come away encouraged by the heart of God.

Rev. Jared Ingle
Pastor: Long Lake Friends Church
Supervised Therapist: personal, couples, families
Traverse City, MI

Meet Jared

Related Articles & Sermons

articles:

Submission CLICK HERE

Submission in the House of God CLICK HERE

The Sanctity of Water & the Word CLICK HERE

The Husband as Kephale CLICK HERE

Paul on the Role of Husband & Savior CLICK HERE

Revisiting the Wife’s Role as Help Meet CLICK HERE

sermons:

Submission CLICK HERE

Sanctification CLICK HERE

Sexuality CLICK HERE

Husband, Head & Savior CLICK HERE

Revisiting the Wife’s Role as Help Meet CLICK HERE

Love CLICK HERE

notes:

[1] Wesley Adams, Ephesians, in the Full Life Bible Commentary: An International Commentary for Spirit-Filled Christians, eds. French L. Arrington and Roger Stronstad (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1999), 1075. [2] Emerson Eggerichs, Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs (Colorado Springs, CO: Focus on the Family / Thomas Nelson, 2004). [3] Vernell Ingle, The Truth About The Family: Biblical Patterns And Principles (Joplin, MO: Messenger Publishing House, 2005), 70-71.

JC Ingle, Inc.

Previous Post

January 30, 2020

Ephesians 5 | Revisiting the Wife's Role as Help Meet

Next Post

February 6, 2020 The voice of many waters vs. moral norms?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Communion Cruz Ingle Crystal Ingle Early Church Engaging Culture Ethics & Society Family Formation History In Dialogue Jared & Crystal Kingdom of God Majority World Church Mateo Ingle Messenger College Mission Narrative Pentecostal Church of God Prayer Shepherding The Sermon The Writings Theology Theology & Psychology Traverse City Uncategorized Vernell Ingle Word Study

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 May 2017 March 2017 March 2014 February 2013 January 2013 October 2012 July 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 August 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does Hebrews define as "confidence in what we hope for"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Love Righteousness Faith Salvation