All Your Teachers Are Belong to Us

Last updated on: August 17, 2022 at 6:48 pm by Chase Padusniak

All Your Teachers Are Belong to Us 2022-08-17T18:48:01-04:00 Chase Padusniak

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Ernst Ludwig Kirchner’s Street Scene after the Rain (1914). Spooky and alienated, just like these teens.
Source: Rawpixel

1998’s The Faculty (dir. Robert Rodriguez) breaks the golden rule: never mention a better work of art in yours. The diagnosis is typically fatal. The viewer’s mind trails off, thinking about what could’ve been, the more entertaining time they could be having. This is always a risk when watching writer Kevin Williamson’s films [other credits include Scream (1996), I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997), Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999) and Dawson’s Creek (1998-2003)], since his brand of satire doesn’t just deconstruct, it explicitly states, announces its purpose like a footman at a Victorian ball.

And yet it works. By God, The Faculty works.

And I don’t think it’s because of the script, which is The Breakfast Club (1985) meets Invasion of the Body Snatchers (the 1956 and 1978 versions are the most famous) meets Y2K. Our absurd cast includes Zeke (Josh Hartnett), an edgy, guarded genius and school drug dealer (and maker), Stan (Shawn Hatosy) the school’s star quarterback who suddenly feels pangs of conscience for coasting through academic life and so quits the team to “earn his Ds,” and Casey (Elijah Wood), a bullied, nerdy hobbit whose only personality trait seems to be getting pushed around. Stan’s girlfriend, Delilah (Jordana Brewster), the head cheerleader and queen bee of the school newspaper drops him when he quits the team. Usher Raymond (yes, that Usher) even plays a sadistic bully and friend of Stan’s (his torturing of poor Casey is never really remarked upon by the victim’s new popular friends). In a normal late-90s high school, none of these people would talk, even if faced with the end of the world. The quarterback would never quit the team to merit his own awful grades. The school genius probably wouldn’t be making a drug called “scat” in his garage. In the words of Johnny Cochran (sorta): Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about that—that does not make sense.

It may not make sense, but it’s necessary. If we’re going to have a redux of the blood testing scene from The Thing (1982), we need each of our main characters to have undergone some change recently. We need lonely, bullied goth Stokely (Clea DuVall) to be coming out of her shell; we need a new girl, Southern belle Marybeth (Laura Harris). We can even have their side interests be totally off-kilter and non-sensical (e.g., Stokely’s love of sci-fi manifesting as an obsession with Robert Heinlein novels). It doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter because the cheesiness is guided by Rodriguez’s direction. He constantly uses shadows and quick cuts to produce a sense of panicked unease. His steady hand produces discrete scares too. So, for example, one brief jump scare featuring Elijah Wood on the football field actually works (I’ve never ever, over hundreds of horror movie viewings, seen a cheap scare like that work on my wife—yet this one did). He keeps the tone balanced. It would be easy for the film to shade into the quasi-comedy of Scream or Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992 for the movie, 1997-2003 for the show). Nothing about this plot is serious. But instead, he goes for thrills and chills, for entertainment. And he does it by keeping the pace brisk and the scares numerous. You’ll never be bored watching this movie. You can’t say that about most 90s teen horror.

The Faculty has its deeper dimensions. One could read the film as a fantasy of student solidarity against a failing school system, cut to the bone by budget slashing and filled with worn-down teachers (one of the first scenes is a faculty meeting in which the football team gets nearly the whole budgetary pie over grumbling protest, for example). One could even see in it a vain wish for a united student body, one in which years of bullying and social stratification don’t cause trauma and, at their worst, violence. But you don’t need to find that in this movie. It’s fun. It works even though it shouldn’t. That’s the miracle.

Religious Art

Previous Post

May 20, 2022

Temporary Insanity

Next Post

June 12, 2022 When Teen Comedies Go Sad

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Academia Culture Politics Reviews Theology Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 July 2021 December 2020 November 2020 July 2020 May 2020 April 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 August 2019 July 2019 April 2019 March 2019 December 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which Psalm contains "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Psalm 51 Psalm 119 Psalm 1 Psalm 23