Is Love Nice?

Last updated on: December 13, 2017 at 12:44 pm by Chase Padusniak

Is Love Nice? 2017-12-13T12:44:15-04:00 Chase Padusniak

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Elisabethufer (1913) Ernst Ludog Kirchner. Public Domain.

These sorts of pieces often begin by letting the reader know where the word “nice” comes from. As a medievalist, I especially should delight in bringing this little bit of half-forgotten knowledge to light. It comes to us from the Latin “nescius,” meaning “ignorant” (itself coming from “nescire,” “to not know”) by way of French. By the late 12th century, it meant “silly” or “stupid.” One can observe its transition from its initial meaning to the one we know today in this passage from Jane Austen:

“I am sure,” cried Catherine, “I did not mean to say anything wrong; but it is a nice book, and why should I not call it so?” “Very true,” said Henry, “and this is a very nice day, and we are taking a very nice walk; and you are two very nice young ladies. Oh! It is a very nice word indeed! It does for everything.” (Northanger Abbey)

This fact is often taken up in what might be termed our “nice wars” (such a wonderful coinage on my part, I know). On the one hand, there’s a slew of pieces, especially in Christian circles committed to the destruction of “niceness.” Sometimes, “love the sinner and not the sin is invoked.” Other times, the whole point seems to be that love cannot avoid sometimes being mean. There’s also a whole secular culture committed to this. At some level, this makes sense. I know for a fact that I care too much about what others’ think. Being nice can thus effectively be a way to escape the possibilities of betrayal and deferred pain:

Why do we do this? Because for many of us, we have wrongly believed that being “nice” is akin to being “godly.” We don’t want to ruffle feathers, we don’t want to bend the rules, we don’t want to speak honestly and we don’t want to say no. Why do we do this to ourselves? Because we’re too nice, hiding under the guise of our faith and performing duties that suck the life out of us all because we somehow think this is how God would want us to live.

Yet by examining the life of Jesus, the Son of God, we see that sometimes Jesus did things that were not “nice” yet fulfilled God’s purpose, a much higher calling than people pleasing will ever be. (Eric Hoke)

Typically this tack is followed up, rather understandably, by citations of Jesus’ many moments of seeming unkindness (there are quite a few examples, so take your pick, though phrases like “you brood of vipers” make the point well enough).

Of course, there exists a counter-perspective that emphasizes kindness or niceness. It’s less overt in Christian circles (though I think many would impute it to, say, Pope Francis). In secular-utilitarian terms, it’s everywhere:

If you’re kind to other people, then most of the time they’re being kind to you too. Kindness brings out cooperative nature out of us and that’s good.

You basically increase your chances of being liked, of gaining what you want, you fill your car with the fuel and you’re good to go.

The fuel to keep going – that’s kindness.

That’s all the good stuff that you get from being kind.

I’m not talking about external stuff.

You get internal stuff – joy, happiness, excitement, a sense of contribution.

Of course, just like anything else Everything has a ” Dark side “.

Oh no.

Some people take your kindness for granted and when you give it to someone who doesn’t appreciate it you get fucked up. Taken advantage of.

Your fuel turns into alcohol and instead of going forward you are stuck.

Stuck like a tree. But you’re no tree.

You realize that kindness should be given freely to everybody because it is YOU who changes, YOU who gets the fuel, but those that take it and need it get the good stuff too.

How awesome.

Everybody deserves it. Even those that ” do not deserve it “.

We don’t know their stories. We can’t be them and see what they have experienced, what they have seen and felt. What shaped them into who they are.

Kindness should be shown to everybody, but walk away from those that reject it and intend to screw you up.

(Rička Stan)

To my mind, both of these takes are wrong. The former misunderstands that love is rarely, if ever, “mean.” It may occasionally demand unpleasant-ness or put one in an awkward situation. That much is true. We are to expect persecution for being Christians after all; at some fundamental level, we simply cannot hope to please everyone.

But this does not mean that love, that is, the Christian way, is ever “mean.” Rather, it remains open to the fact of our sinfulness. It cries (with St. Andrew of Crete):

Him Whom the hosts of heaven glorify, Whom the Cherubim and Seraphim dread,
let every breath and creature praise, bless and magnify
throughout all ages.
Have mercy on us, O God, have mercy on us.

As the prostitute broke her priceless jar of myrrh to anoint Your head, O Saviour, so do I weep before You with a broken and contrite heart. Hear my prayer; forgive and have mercy on me.

I am the first and greatest of sinners, O patient Saviour, but I cry to You in fear and love, “Though I have sinned against You alone, and done evil in Your sight, nevertheless have mercy on me!”

Spare me, O my Saviour, for I am the work of Your own hands. Seek me, Your lost sheep, O Good Shepherd, and deliver me from the jaws of the wolf including me as a lamb in Your royal fold.

O most-merciful Christ, when You ascend Your dread tribunal as judge, all of creation will be overcome with fear and tremble, for on that day Your glory will be revealed as a blazing fire.

O venerable Mary of Egypt, pray to God for us.

The mother of the never-ending Sun enlightened you and freed you from the darkness of your passions. Since now you rejoice in the grace of the Spirit, O Mary, illumine all who praise you in faith.

O venerable Mary of Egypt, pray to God for us.

Zosimas the Elder marveled meeting you, O Mother, for in you he saw an earthly angel. Filled with awe he praises Christ forever.

Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.

O eternal Father, co-eternal Son, and gracious Comforter, the Spirit of Truth, O Father of the Divine Word, Word of the eternal Father, and life-creating Spirit, Trinity in unity, have mercy on us.

Now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.

O pure Virgin, the flesh of Emmanuel was formed within your womb as a robe of royal crimson in spun from scarlet silk. We proclaim you to be truly the Mother of our God.

Previous Post

December 6, 2017

Byzantine "Advent"

Next Post

December 22, 2017 Language Matters

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Academia Culture Politics Reviews Theology Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 July 2021 December 2020 November 2020 July 2020 May 2020 April 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 August 2019 July 2019 April 2019 March 2019 December 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which relative of Saul cursed and threw stones at David during Absalom's rebellion?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Jonathan Ish-bosheth Mephibosheth Shimei