The trouble with gratitude

Last updated on: June 18, 2015 at 10:32 pm by Jane the Actuary

The trouble with gratitude 2015-06-18T22:32:24-06:00 Jane the Actuary

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Backstory: my 12-year old son broke his arm on Tuesday.

We had a follow-up doctor’s appointment yesterday, at which they removed and re-applied the cast (OK, technically it’s a splint, not a cast) because the first was too tight. Then today we saw a pediatric specialist to confirm (big sigh of relief) that he doesn’t need surgery, or, at least, at this point it appears that way. We’ll have a further appointment next week, then another one in a further week or two. And we’re now trying to find activities to replace sailing camp (remember, I work at home, so I try hard to keep busy doing at least something to keep him out of my hair) and hoping that he’s sufficiently healed up by the time Boy Scout camp arrives, that he’s still able to go and participate in, if not all, then at least most of the activities.

And again the litany of the at leasts.

At least the doctor was able to reposition the elbow without calling in a pediatric specialist or sending us to the children’s hospital.

At least he doesn’t need surgery.

At least it was his left, not right arm.

At least it was only his arm, and he didn’t injure his head.

At least this was the week that my husband wasn’t travelling, not last or next week.

At least we’re financially comfortable enough that meeting the deductible for the year isn’t going to be a major, or even minor, crisis. We won’t have to pay the bills by credit card and defer paying, or be short the money for school clothes in the fall, or any such thing.

But at the same time: it was a freak thing that he was injured in the first place. He jumped, not out of a tree, but, in his telling, off a waist-high tree stump. This isn’t, “for the nature of the fall, he’s just lucky it wasn’t worse.” It’s “for that minor a fall, it’s unlucky the injury was that bad.”

What it comes down to, though, is that I have a hard time with the notion of “be grateful it wasn’t worse” or “be grateful for all the ‘at leasts’ above.”

Because there are now, and have been, people in those situations.

The right-hand broken arm that required surgery (twice!)? Well, that was me, actually, when I was in first grade — I always blamed having my right arm in a cast during those crucial formative months for why I had such bad handwriting. My school picture that year is of me in a cast.

But the head injury? One of the sailing camp instructors, who also happened to have lived across from us at our old house, and whose family attends our church, did indeed have a head injury, going on two years ago. Lost her memory — to the extent that, last summer, her sister re-introduced me to her: “this is Mrs. ____. They lived across the street from us and later we used to babysit for them.”

So to say, “I’m grateful that he didn’t injure his head” feels wrong. “I’m grateful he escaped C’s fate.” If I’m expressing gratitude to God, that implies that God in some way prevented a worse injury, and yet didn’t see fit to protect C.

Or, heck, “I’m grateful my family is in good health” — when we learned today that a family friend, battling cancer (some backstory here, in what I’ll admit is a post with fairly similar content), has found out that the cancer has worsened despite the past several months of treatment. If our family’s good health is due to God’s care, why not so for our friend?

It’s the end of the school year. I’m relieved that my kids made it through the year with good report cards. Both the middle and oldest improved their grades substantially, no mean feat for the oldest, with his first year of high school and with honors math and science, so this had been a big worry. But am I grateful? I don’t know. Likewise, does it make sense to be grateful that we live in a safe neighborhood, in a comfortable, weatherproof house, and have no financial worries?

Do you see what I’m saying, or has it been to long a day and is it now too late at night?

Uncategorized

Previous Post

June 16, 2015

Long day. . .

Next Post

June 19, 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing - overreach or "meh"?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Actuarial/Retirement Issues Politics Uncategorized

Select a Month September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 December 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 August 2021 June 2021 April 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who said "as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Paul Joshua Peter Abraham