In case you want to talk about the Duggars

Last updated on: May 23, 2015 at 3:00 pm by Jane the Actuary

In case you want to talk about the Duggars 2015-05-23T15:00:16-06:00 Jane the Actuary

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Here’s an article (from a Patheos blog which appears to get way, way more traffic than me) which lays out the facts, as best as its author can compile them, and attempts to be factual and non-gossipy.

So, yeah, it’s bad. It’s again another occasion for non-Christians to say that we need to get our own house in order before we start talking to anyone about sexual morality. (See Ann Althouse, and the video she links to.)

No, I’ve never been a fan of the Duggars, nor of their show, which I flip to occasionally when I want something while I’m sorting laundry or the like, but just doesn’t seem to be particularly entertaining. And I don’t know if their audience is composed primarily of people who genuinely see them as role models, or just gawk.

But my reaction in reading this news was not, “shame on Josh Duggar,” nor do I think he should be imprisoned or barred for life from any meaningful, well, life, in the way that sex offenders are. Nor am I willing to say that this is somehow the inevitable byproduct of the awfulness of the family’s religious beliefs.

My first reaction — because news reports suggested that dad Jim Bob learned of these events* after they had occured — is that I’m not entirely sure what I would do, were I in his place. Or, rather, I think that any parent’s instinctive reaction is to protect their children, and, in this case, if the victims don’t, from external appearances, to have been harmed, I think a parent would turn to protecting their perpetrator-child, especially since he was only 14 years old. Do you send him to juvy? What happens in such a case? Presumably the child’s life is seriously uprooted, with a rather dim future ahead of him, even if he escapes adult charges and sex offender status.

(* Yeah, I’m not going to be specific. You can read the details elsewhere.)

I’m not saying I support the family’s choices, but, oh, man, I just can’t begin to fathom being a parent in that situation.

(Ed. to add: just to be clear: this is a horrible situation. I’m not saying the Duggar family did the right thing. All I’m saying is that I think there’s a good chance I wouldn’t do the right thing either.)

Now, the link above claims that Jim Bob knew what was happening for a full year during which Josh continued to, er, misbehave.* Did Jim Bob just ignore the whole thing? Have repeated stern talking-tos with his son, during with Josh promised that he’d stopped? I don’t know.

(Ed. to add: yes, that’s a euphemism; I don’t think that his actions are really merely “misbehavior.”)

One has the feeling that this was treated as something of a victimless sin, and that Jim Bob reacted in the same way as he might if the boy were caught masturbating, or fooling around with a girl his own age — and, conceivably, even though the report is that much younger girls were victims, he might have believed that it was only same-aged children, in which case, well, what would a parent do?

But, of course, even in that situation, and even in the case in which you believe that the child’s behavior isn’t doing a grave harm to another person: well, imagine that the chain of events was that Josh Duggar had gotten himself addicted to internet pornography; parents have a responsibility to take away the opportunity, don’t they? Or did they not want to bring shame upon the boy by telling everyone else, “don’t leave him alone with girls,” or were they too busy with their TV show and other activities (in the same way as countless other parents are “too busy”) or is this a difficult battle to fight if he slips into a bedroom in the middle of the night?

Last thought: I’ve seen multiple statements that the parents went wrong in not getting “counseling” for the boy. Haven’t we abandoned the idea that all it takes to fix things is a therapist?

And now it’s your turn — because I’m not interested in this as a means of tearing down a family or yelling “hypocrite!”, but in thinking abut young offenders, that line between “sin” and “crime,” and parenting when things go wrong.

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