6 reasons why Mom and Dad should move

Last updated on: March 22, 2015 at 10:17 pm by Jane the Actuary

6 reasons why Mom and Dad should move 2015-03-22T22:17:32-06:00 Jane the Actuary

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It’s a listsicle, as I’ve learned this is called!

But we’ll be visiting my parents next week, and trying to figure out how to help them. Dad spends the majority of his time playing computer solitaire or watching TV (often in bed), and Mom is quite unhappy that he won’t get dressed until it’s almost too late to go to the community center senior lunch, and he doesn’t do the exercises he’s supposed to do, or even make other efforts at some kind of activity, but just sits all day — but at the same time, we’re not really sure what more, if anything, Dad is capable of doing, really, in terms of where he is now in his mental and physical abilities.

But we made the pitch to move, to a condo or a retirement community near us, once, before the accident a year ago, and got nowhere, and even since then, when moving makes even more sense: it’s like talking to a rock.

Nonetheless:

1) Family. If they moved near us, they could spend a lot more time with their grandchildren — both our kids and my brother’s family, as they also recently moved comparatively near us (just outside Milwaukee, vs. northwest suburb of Chicago). That’s a plus, right?, especially since they don’t have an active social life where they are now, just acquaintances, really, so, except for the senior lunch, it’s just the two of them, day in and day out.

2) Stairs. Mom and Dad think it’s a nonissue, that Dad’ll be able to safely go up and down stairs until the day he dies, but — really? It’s a huge worry for us.

3) Help. Yes, my sister lives an hour away, but her ability to help is minimal. If Mom were to get injured, they’d be up a creek without a paddle, to put it nicely. Even if there’s not a concrete need, we could be “grandpa-sitters” as my mom is reluctant to leave the house without Dad too much, for fear he’ll cook something and leave the burner on.

4) House upkeep. Yes, they can hire a yard service for the summer and a plow service for the winter, and in principle they could get a cleaning service, though they haven’t. But they can’t really keep their large house properly maintained, or even clean and orderly.

5) Transportation. In their suburb, the only way to get around, other than a car, is the dial-a-ride bus. Moving to a retirement community would mean that there’d be activities available without going outside, just crossing the skywalk. Or there are condos which are on the bus line, across the street from the grocery store, or next to the library, which might mean (should Dad get some motivation/energy back) that Dad could go somewhere, anyway, without being driven by my Mom. Heck, there’s even a condo on the market now, with a Subway on the ground floor.

6) Transition. Mom likes to cite people she knows who moved away from The Family Home and then died (and in her mind, no matter how far removed in time the move was from the death, it was always the cause), but I’ve read that you’re better off moving before you need to, than hanging on until it becomes impossible to stay. You can transition to a new home and a new neighborhood, meet the neighbors, be active and get involved, and just get accustomed to the new place, rather than being in an unfamiliar place and also being trapped their due to infirmity. Heck, my in-laws moved into a condo a good five years ago now, and they’re quite happy there, and were lucky they did so then, so that my father-in-law’s recovery from a long hospital stay, when going up stairs was suddenly and unexpectedly simply not possible any longer, wasn’t devastating.

Anyway, now that I’ve written this out (“off the clock,” so to speak) and feel a little better, it’s time to get back to work!

(This was my rant, as I was stewing over my parents’ situation this morning. Neither of them is happy with their current situation. Neither of them is willing to change — but, unfortunately, there’s an extent to which neither is even able to change, Dad as an effect of his injury, and Mom because, well, that’s just how she is.)

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