What is marriage, anyway?

Last updated on: November 7, 2013 at 11:25 pm by Jane the Actuary

What is marriage, anyway? 2013-11-07T23:25:00-06:00 Jane the Actuary

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So I pulled out my catechism — that is, the Catechism of the Catholic Church — for a definition. There isn’t a single definition as in a glossary. But the key items are unity, that is, the two becoming “one flesh” with mutual self-giving; indissolubility; and openness to fertility. To contract a marriage also requires free consent.

My understanding — though it’s not spelled out — is that if one of the two never really was open to children or intended for the marriage to be indissoluble, then this is grounds for annulment.

I wanted to look at other documents by mainstream Protestant churches, for instance, and may do that in the future, anyway — but here’s what I’m thinking: “marriage” as it exists in 2013 America is not marriage in the Catholic Church’s definition. “Marriage” just means “a legal contract (dissolvable by a separate legal agreement) by which two individuals declare themselves to be each other’s next-of-kin and take on a certain degree of financial responsibility for each other, typically motivated by romantic love.”

There’s no expectation of indissolubility — just of a certain legal complexity in ending the relationship. There’s no expecatation of openness to children.

Why, given how much marriage is watered down, do we even require a justice of the piece or religious officiant? Why not just allow a notary to notarize a marriage contract, and, likewise, a “dissolution of marriage” contract?

And here’s what I’m thinking: what we need is some replacement for marriage — either something that demands the indissolubility and connection-to-children of historical marriage, or, more simply, some other kind of structure oriented towards the goal of “providing a stable household for the raising of children.” Some way of making the baby-mama/baby-daddy pairing into legal relationship? Maybe call it a Parenting Union (using the “civil union” terminology, though it’s flawed by the fact that it shortens to “P.U.”), and, at least, as a start, for those young couples who feel they can’t get married (because dad can’t get his act together consistently and reliably), herd them into such a union and provide extra benefits/support for young couples willing to take this step. At a minimum, if these people aren’t going to get married, perhaps such a status could reinforce to them that, hey, multiple fathers (or multiple mothers) is a Very Bad Thing. Maybe Kim Khardashian and Kanye West could prominently enter into a Parenting Union?

Maybe such a Union would even automatically expire when the youngest child reaches the age of 18. Heck, we could even reduce that age a bit — maybe 13? This would put the teen mom in her 30s, and ready to find her Soulmate for marriage and the next stage in her life.

So that’s all very speculative, and just another step in my trying to work out a way forward . . .

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From the Library: American Betrayal: The Secret Assault on Our Nation's Character, by Diana West

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