Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Evangelical
Relationships and Religion
Two More Wrong Ways to Handle Shame

Two More Wrong Ways to Handle Shame

Last updated on: May 30, 2023 at 4:15 pm by Brad Vaughn

0 Comments

Two More Wrong Ways to Handle Shame 2023-05-30T08:03:55-07:00 Brad Vaughn

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Credit: Unsplash

Americans are talking about shame far more than in the past. Shame is not a new problem. Instead, people are simply more aware of its presence and power.

Unfortunately, we’re still struggling to respond to it. To be sure, we’ll never get rid of shame, because we’re sinners who do things that are worthy of shame. Also, shame is a basic aspect of godly living. It is a fundamental moral emotion.

My concern is that common ways of dealing with shame today are actually making the problem worse. Previously, I highlighted two problematic ways of dealing with shame. In this post, I note two more mistaken strategies that people are you using to handle shame.

Each misguided approach to avoid shame concerns identity.

1. Idolize Identity

Credit: Unsplash

Shame and honor inherently are relational concepts. Neither exists in a social vacuum. Accordingly, shame and identity are integrally intertwined. When is a person publicly shamed? Why might an individual feel ashamed?

Put simply, it’s often because they feel their identity is being threatened. A person wants to have this or that identity, with its assorted virtues, yet something challenges that identity or exposes that identity as false or less valued.

Therefore, many in our society today have begun to idolize identity. They choose a certain social identity and then absolutize it.

Keep in mind that an individual’s identity is always a composite of social identities. I am a husband, father, friend, employee, author, theologian, missiologist, and athlete. I am also white, American, Enneagram 1, INTJ (or ENTJ?), an abuse survivor, and the basτard son of a poor 16-year-old single mom. But none of those identity roles ultimately defines me… nor you.

Rather, Galatians 3:26-29 explains,

… for in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith. As many of you as were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus. And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to the promise.

Nowadays, some people forget this or simply don’t realize the ultimate source of human identity.

So, they take one aspect of their social identity and virtually essentialize themselves with it. Perhaps, this tactic is often taken with gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, nationality, and occupation. Each of these things is critical to forming and understanding personal identity.

But when we idolize or absolutize one single dimension of our social identity, we make it sacred. And we are not ashamed of what we regard as holy.

On the surface, this is an appealing strategy. You can’t easily shame a person who absolutizes their gender, ethnicity, sexuality, or nationality. However, there’s always something else that a person might feel shame about. And let’s not forget, such sacralizing of social identity only creates more problems. It generates a virtual holy war when diverse groups are idolizing their respective social identities and so become offended by others who did not share their identity.

2. Change Identity at Whim

A second strategy seems to be the inverse of the above approach. A person tries to avoid shame by claiming that they can change his/her identity at a whim. There are individuals, known as “otherkin,” who identify as not fully human. Some people identify as animals (commonly called “furries”).

Most controversial today is the claim by many that they are a particular gender (often untethered to biological sεx). One website lists 105 gender identities; another mentions 112 genders.

Credit: Unsplash

The point here is not to engage again in gender debates. Instead, consider how fluidity in identity claims can affect how we interact with shame. If we want to shun shame or, perhaps, we seek certain honor, it is often allowed for a person to simply change their identity based on little more than personal preference.

Nevertheless, numerous parts of our lives and stories simply cannot be changed, no matter how much we don’t like them.

These are merely two popular but unwise strategies for dealing with shame. Ultimately, they all fail. At best, they present an illusion of a solution.

Are there other approaches that you would add to this list?
Which of these approaches are you most likely to be tempted to use?

Relationships and Religion

Honor & Shame (Face)

identity

Shame

Previous Post

May 23, 2023

Are You Ashamed of Being Wrong?

Next Post

June 6, 2023 The Unforgivable Sin? Rejecting the Sign of the New Covenant

Recent Comments

0 | Leave a Comment

"A thoughtful and thought-provoking article that raises important questions about the challenges facing the Western ..."

amelia854taylor

The War on the Western Church

"to fit social or religious expectations. Especially women, who were expected to sacrifice everything to ..."

shay049ana

3 reasons you should not be ..."

"Powerful reminder short, sturdy truths can lose their weight if treated as slogans. The solas ..."

daniel603maclise

How Western Individualism Quietly Undermines the ..."

"If 'America’s deepest crisis is not merely political. It is moral and spiritual.' is in ..."

klatu

The Real Crisis Beneath America’s Social ..."

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Atonement Biblical Theology Book Reviews China Chinese Church Chinese Culture Chinese Language Collectivism Contextualization Culture (General) Ecclesiology Evangelism Gospel Honor & Shame (Face) Interpretation/Exegesis Justification/Righteousness Missiology Mission Methods One Gospel for All Nations Other Practical Contextualization Reading Romans with Eastern Eyes Resources Romans Salvation (General) Saving God's Face Seeking God's Face The Cross in Context Theological Contextualization Theological Education Theology Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

According to Romans 3:23, who has sinned?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Everyone Those who do not accept Christ Only those who break the Ten Commandments The Gentiles

Books by This Author Books by Brad Vaughn

See All Titles »