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$*^t Jesus Says: “Don’t Worship the Law” Edition

$*^t Jesus Says: “Don’t Worship the Law” Edition

Last updated on: August 20, 2016 at 8:01 pm by Erin Wathen

$*^t Jesus Says: “Don’t Worship the Law” Edition 2016-08-20T20:01:32-07:00 Erin Wathen

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It’s been awhile since we did one of these. In today’s episode of “$*^! Jesus Says,” a woman comes to the synagogue to be healed. On the Sabbath. Here’s what (maybe, probably) went down.

Jesus: So before we hear today’s text from the Prophet Jeremiah (man, that guy is a downer) I wanted to share this little story I heard the other day. It goes like this: a rabbi, a leper, and a Levite walk into a bar…

Stooped Woman: Excuse me, Jesus? I’m sure your story is going to be hilarious and only mildly offensive, and the teaching to follow will be insightful and world-changing, etc. But you see, I’ve kind of got this situation here… For 18 years, I’ve been staring at my feet, because I can’t straighten my spine. It’s getting gradually worse, so soon I will be looking through my knees at the people behind me. In addition to being painful, it is really a terrible view. I want to see the sky. I want to see the faces of my grandchildren. I’m sorry to interrupt while you’re teaching, but I know you probably won’t be in town long, and well, I just can’t wait another minute. Can you help me?

Jesus: Actually sister, the joke is kind of lame. As is the sermon to follow. I’ve done 2 resurrections, a food-related miracle, and a baby blessing this week, and if I’m being honest, I’m just kind of wiped. So what I’m saying is, you’re sparing these good folks a rough 20 minutes of my rambling. Let’s do this! [Rubs hands together, then lays them on her hunched shoulders] The power of Christ compels you!… Just kidding. I only do that one at parties. Ok, for real this time. Child of God, by the grace of the Almighty, go and be made well. You are free.”

Stooped Woman: Hallelujah! Oh, thank you so much. I will live in gratitude all of my days for this. Wow, look at the ceiling in this place! It sure could use a coat of paint…

Rabbi Crankypants: Now wait just a minute! You do realize it is SATURDAY, right? You do realize that this is the Lord’s day, the day of rest. The day for worship and study. I mean, the scripture clearly states…

Jesus: Let me stop you right there, bro. First of all, scripture doesn’t “clearly state” anything. Believe me, I’ve read it. A bunch. And to tell you the truth, even I am kind of fuzzy on some of the details. But I do know this for sure: the letter of the law is not as important as the person in front of you. Ever. You have to read the law in the spirit in which it was intended. Sabbath law is intended to give life. To restore the earth and its connect people. To heal. That is the point of everything. If we can’t be made well on the Lord’s Day, when can we?

Rabbi CP: Yes, but, what it SAYS is…

Jesus: Dude, don’t be an asshole.

Standing Up Straight Woman: Jesus! Language! Where is your mother??

Jesus: Sorry, sister. He had that one coming tho. He is proof-texting!

Standing Up Straight Woman: Quite right. Hey, I’m going to take a dance class. Want to come with?

And, scene. (Based on Luke 13:10-17)

Make no mistake–a dogmatic attachment to a “literal” reading of scripture is a form of idolatry. And Jesus is having none of it.

How much healthier, simpler and more compassionate would the world be if all people would follow Jesus’ wisdom here? To let the spirit of the law inform our faith and our communities, rather than dwelling in a legalistic wilderness?

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A group of 22 Kansas City area clergy went to trial this week for a 2014 protest at the State Capitol. Hundreds of clergy attended the demonstration that day, urging lawmakers to approve Medicaid expansion measures that would extend care to about 300,000 Missouri residents. Arguing that many would die without that much-needed care, the protesters prayed and sang on the House Floor. The measure ultimately did not pass, and many of the protesting pastors were arrested.

Yesterday, they were found guilty on charges of trespassing. In addition to fines, they face possible jail time.

For a peaceful protest.

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