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Clergy Survival Guide: Flu Season Edition

Clergy Survival Guide: Flu Season Edition

Last updated on: February 2, 2018 at 8:07 am by Erin Wathen

Clergy Survival Guide: Flu Season Edition 2018-02-02T08:07:11-07:00 Erin Wathen

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I once had a teacher who suffered from severe mysophobia (fear of germs) to the point that it significantly interfered with her life. Her husband taught in the next classroom over, so every morning he would open all her doors, turn on all her computers/projectors, etc, and set her up for the day. She rarely stepped out from behind her desk, and as far as I can tell, never ventured to the bathroom or the cafeteria. We all thought she was nuts.

But now, I kind of get it. Because, you guys, kids are gross.

My daughter was a thumbsucker from the minute she had the coordination to find her mouth until she was almost 5. So during her brief stint in daycare, we were sick. And by ‘we,’ I mean the whole family. All the time. She was like a giant petri dish, out there in the world every day, and no sooner would we recover from one malady than she would bring home another. And another.

image via Pixabay

Which is why, when I had a second kid–who was such a tiny, helpless infant compared to the giant thumb-sucking petri dish–we rearranged our lives and opted out of daycare. I know that doesn’t work for everyone, but for us, it was what we had to do at the time. Clean up enough snot and puke and you will move heaven and earth to stay well. And after that–stay well we did.

Until. Until we moved to Kansas. Have mercy. I don’t know if it was the shock of the climate change (moving to the Midwest after 7 years in the desert) or just our bodies adjusting to a whole new pool of germs. But man, it was a rough year.

Just when you are supposed to be knocking people’s socks off at a new job, you are also struggling to find a place to live, plus figure out school/doctors/insurance and who’s going to cut my hair now?? and where in the world am I going to find a decent taco in this tundra?? and meanwhile… you are sick. And so is everyone in your house. I mean, we had stomach bugs and colds and upper-respiratory infections, and then… the ACTUAL flu. Which, as you know, can lay you flat for the better part of a month.

So yeah, back to my teacher in high school…I kind of get it. It’s a jungle out there. Not only are kids gross, but if you are a pastor, you also slog your way through hospitals on a regular basis, AND you hug several hundred people on Sunday morning. Not to mention the daily landmines of grocery stores, public libraries, restaurants and, you know, life… You need a plan. Self-care 101: for all who have ever coughed their way through a sermon, or had to skip a hospital visit because you were sicker than the person in the hospital…this is for you.

Danger Zone 1 –-The hospital** (and other public places, but ESPECIALLY THE HOSPITAL!):

1. Hands to yourself. Don’t touch anything you don’t have to touch. Hit elevator buttons with your elbow or knuckle. Pretend the stair rail is a giant rattlesnake. Do not lean on the reception desk or the nurses’ station and, for the love, do not use the water fountain.

2. Step away from the hand sanitizer. While I am an advocate of frequent hand-washing, many health experts say that hand sanitizer is going to be the downfall of civilization, and I think they may be right. If you use it frequently, it diminishes your body’s natural ability to deal with bacteria. Stick to soap and water if you can. (Unless you are handling a newborn or visiting another highly vulnerable person, like a cancer patient or an elderly person with pneumonia. In which case, you do it for their benefit, not yours).

3. Don’t be a hero. If you think you might be coming down with something, skip the visit. Not only are you run down and vulnerable to hospital germs, the sick person does not need whatever crud you have on top of what they have! This seems like common sense, but you’d be surprised how many pastors would limp to the hospital with the full-on plague and be like “my people need me!!” It’s a savior complex. We’re working on it.

Danger Zone 2–Sunday Morning

1. Communion. Just one rule for communion: don’t overthink it. We don’t drink from a common cup at my church, but we do ‘rip and dip,’ which is a lot of touching all the same stuff other people just touched and then putting it in your mouth (ewww!). But really, if you do all these other things, you can take the risk of sharing some sacred germs with your church family. However,

2. Don’t be a passing of the peace martyr. I know some churches do away with it entirely during flu season, to avoid the touching of hands and sharing of germs. But that seems extreme, and also a little wimpy. You can still “share a sign of peace with your neighbor.” HOWEVER, it is totally ok to avoid touching the person who is openly coughing, sneezing, wheezing, or otherwise looking like something the cat dragged in. Not long ago one person–I kid you not–blew their nose, put the hanky in a pocket, and then TRIED TO SHAKE MY HAND USING THE HANKY HAND. Um, I love you and all but no thanks. I’m good. Sometimes, an arms-length pat on the shoulder will have to do… (Same applies for the hug/hand-shake line after worship…)

Danger Zone 3 –Your Gross Kids

1. Keep their hands out of their mouths. I don’t care what it takes–aversion therapy, shock treatment, bad-tasting nail polish… Just because the kids outgrow sucking their thumbs doesn’t mean they don’t wiggle loose teeth, bite their nails, pick food out of their gums, or eat stuff they find on the floor, 84 times a day. Discourage this at all costs. (It is really an uphill battle, I know…but we try).

2. Vitamins– with extra immunity boosting stuff, like Zinc. Flintstones makes those, and so do the little bear kind.

3. If they’re sick, keep them home. And spare other people’s kids from your gross kids. And also, keep them from picking up something ELSE from the other gross kids when they are especially vulnerable.

Danger Zone 4–Your Own Stupid Self

1. Prioritize self care. I know about the savior complex. We need to be all the places, do all the things, help all the people… But, when that means putting our own rest very last, we wind up sick–and unable to do anything for a long time. Take your day off (every week! No excuses! Except like last week when I didn’t because sometimes life happens, butdoasIsaynotasIdo, etc). Use your vacation time, and if you DO get sick–use your sick days. Sleep it off and bounce back quicker. Also, exercise. Doesn’t have to be fancy, just–move a little every day. [We know all this without being told, right? And yet, Sundays just keep coming, and if we’re not careful, 4 of go by and we haven’t had a real day off. Or a nap even).

2. Your holy trinity–green vegetables, echinacea, and herbal tea. Not just when you feel something coming on. Every day. This trifecta creates a magical force field around your body. Take that, gross kids and handkerchief hands!

3. Get your flu shot. Like, yesterday. I skipped it that one year, and was I ever sorry. As was my family, who picked it up from me even though they’d had their shots. Because there was no escaping the amount of nastiness I coughed and sneezed around the house…

Anyway… we can do all these things right and we will still, sometimes, succumb to the joys of shared communal crud. But–for the most part, when I follow this gospel, I manage stay well, so I think they are practices worth keeping. I haven’t taken a sick day in 2 years, my kid only missed one day of school last year, and so far, nobody in my family has been to the doctor yet this winter.

Of course, I probably just jinxed us all by writing this… Come visit me in the hospital?

Be well out there, folks. Ministry is hard, whole-person work, so take care of your whole self.

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