Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
General Christian
Christian Marriage: Mutual and Celebrative Self-Donation

Christian Marriage: Mutual and Celebrative Self-Donation

Last updated on: September 17, 2021 at 11:13 pm by B. J. Oropeza

Christian Marriage: Mutual and Celebrative Self-Donation 2021-09-17T23:13:55-07:00 B. J. Oropeza

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

In New Testament scriptures, a healthy view of the marital bedroom begins by taking the concept of loving one’s neighbor as oneself a step further. Spouses are to love their partners as themselves (Ephesians 5:33). This final instalment of Christian sexual ethics focuses on marital sex.[1]

According to Paul the apostle, sexual love making involves mutual pleasure. In 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 he affirms that both the husband and wife are to give sexual satisfaction to one another. Nowhere does this text in 1 Corinthians discuss procreation; here sex is intended for pleasure rather than producing offspring (though of course nothing deters believers from having children).

Mutual Self-Donation

As a well-learned Jew, Paul probably read in the Song of Solomon something similar about reciprocating benefits in love making (e.g., Canticles 2:16). Elsewhere mutual benefit in marriage is encouraged (Ephesians 5:21-22).[2] Moreover, if love does not insist on its own way (1 Corinthians 13:3-5), both the husband and wife are to seek the benefit of the other. The type of sexual love 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 promotes might be captured by what John Grabowski calls “mutual self-donation.”[3]

This perspective provides a biblical basis for suggesting that Christian couples are free to engage in creative sexual pleasures as long as their goal is to love one another and seek mutual rather than selfish ends. The erotic marital bed should promote faithfulness, oneness, and human dignity as male and female created in God’s image.

Mutual self-donation strives for pleasuring the other partner and trusts the other partner will reciprocate. It also allows for shared voluntary submission when sexual disagreements arise. Both partners are willing givers to the other’s sexual desires.

Celebrative Self-Donation

Marital sex in Christian context should also be celebrative self-donation. God-given sex offers a dimension of recreation – it embraces celebration. Since a significant facet of marital sex involves pleasure, there is nothing wrong with improving one’s sexual techniques in bedroom. Marital sex does not need to pit the notions of sobriety/sex for love’s sake against the concepts of sexual technique/sex for recreational sake. As long as love and total commitment is the ground for sexual activity, Christian couples can have sex for the sheer enjoyment of it.

If the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians prioritizes love, its second virtue is joy. A voluntary sex partner that shows reluctance does not seem to be operating in this virtue in a proper manner. Being full of joy and God’s Spirit helps enable the couple to long for sexual union, be passionate when making love, and enthusiastic about pleasing the other person.

Mutual love-making transcends an attitude that only affirms, “I must try to please my spouse sexually because I have to love him/her as myself.” Instead, it eagerly asks the other partner, “How can I best please you when it comes to sex?” If the wife communicates that she wants her husband to cuddle with her in a very long afterglow, this means the husband will not roll over and sleep but will learn to fulfill his wife’s desire completely. If the husband craves a sane and healthy sexual fetish, this means the wife will try her best to satisfy her husband. Celebrative self-donation continually seeks to augment sexual pleasure.

Sex is more than coitus, and sexual vice is more than fornication. We are called to glorify God with our bodies, and Christian sexual ethics should nurture this belief. Loving God in this sense means loving our bodies, which includes spiritual and social communion as well as mutual-celebrative characteristics.

[1] For a more thorough study on Christian sexual ethics, see my previous instalments on this “In Christ” blog: part 1 (single Christians and erotic boundaries); part 2 (fornication); part 3 (glory God with your body); and part 4 (sex, love, and walking in the Spirit), and my article “What is Sex?” in Religion and Sexuality: Passionate Debates. C. K. Robertson, ed. (New York: Peter Lang). A draft version of the article is available via academia.

[2] Too often churches have stressed the wife’s submission to the husband and have overlooked the husband’s implicit submission to the wife (Eph. 5:21). The Pauline writer points to the example of Christ as the head in Ephesians 5:22-23. In the gospels, however, Christ teaches that Christian leadership must take on the role of servanthood, unlike Greco-Roman hierarchical structures of the time (Mark 10:42-45; John 13). In light of this perspective if the husband insists on being the head, he is to act like the servant!

[3] John S. Grabowski, Sex and Virtue: An Introduction to Sexual Ethics (Washington: Catholic University of America Press, 2003), 46-47.

Image: Heart Wedding Marriage via pixabay.com

About B. J. Oropeza

Dr. B. J. Oropeza is a well-recognized scholar, professor, and author of numerous books and articles on theology and biblical studies. You can read more about the author here.

Previous Post

January 14, 2021

Sex, Love, and Walking in the Spirit

Next Post

February 6, 2021 Will the Real St. Valentine Please Stand—or could we at least find some meaning behind his Day?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category "in Christ" 1 Corinthians 1 Enoch 1 John 2:19 1 Peter 1 Thessalonians 1 Timothy 1Peter 2 Corinthians 2 Timothy 400 years of silence A. I. A. M. Hunter Abraham Achilles Tatius Acts 13 Acts 19 Acts 22 Acts 26 Acts 9 addiction adultery Aesop's Fables Affliction afterlife allegiance allusions amanuensis Amen Ananias Ancient Biography Andrew Wilson Andronicus Angels anger Anglicanism anointing aorist tense Apep apocalypse apocalyptic Apocrypha apologetics apostasy Apostle Apostle Paul Aquinas archaeology archangel Ardel Caneday Arminianism armor of God article from journal artificial intelligence Asbury ascension atlas atonement Augustine Augustus authorship Awakening awards baptism Battle of Armageddon beasts behemoth Belial Beliar belief Benediction between Testaments Beverly Roberts Gaventa Bible Bible discrepancies Bible Gateway Bible reading Bible reading plan Bible Study Bible translations Bible version Bible versions biblical inerrancy Biblical Theology blasphemy blindness Boethius boldness Book of Acts Book Review Born Again bravery burial Caesar calling Calvinism canon canon Cassius Dio Catholics Channing Crisler charistmatic Christ Christian behavior Christian origins Christian theology Christians Christology church church fathers Church of England Chuza Cleopas Commandments Commentaries congregation conversion Corinthian letters coronavirus courage Covenant covenant theology covenantal nomism coveting COVID-19 Craig Keener Crescens crocodile Cross crucifixion curse custom Cyprian Daily Bread Dale Allison Damascus Damascus Experience Damascus road David Moffitt Day of Atonement deacon dead Dead Sea Scrolls death Deity of Christ Demas demonology demons determinism Deuteronomy Devil devotion dinosaur Dio Chrysostom divided I Divine Christology divine punishment divorce Do not fear Doxology dragon E. P. Sanders Eastern Orthodox Ebeneazer Urga echoes ekklesia election Elijah the Prophet Elymas embodiment of the gospel embodying the gospel emperor empty tomb Encouragement end times enlightement Ephesians Ephesus Epistles of Paul eschatology eternal life Ethics (Christian) euchlaion Eusebius of Caesarea evangelical evangelism evidence exile extreme unction Ezekiel faith falling away false prophet fate father Father's Day favorite Fear film Final Judgment Flood foreknowledge foreordain forgiveness fornication freewill from Saul to Paul Galatians Gary Cooper Genesis Gentile studies Gentiles geography giants gift gift giving global perspective Glossa Ordinaria God God perception good news gospel gospel 2.0 Gospel of John Gospel of Luke Gospel of Mark Gospel of Matthew Gospels grace gratitude Great Awakening Greco-Roman Greco-Roman world Greek Greek classic literature Greek lexicon Greek Orthodox Greek prepositions greetings guilt Habakkuk hair Halloween head covering head coverings healing heaven Hebrew Hebrews hermeneutics Hesed high Christology Higher Christology highlights holiness holy Holy Bible Holy Scriptures Holy Spirit Homer hospitable hospitality how to read the Bible human effort I Am sayings imperialism in Adam In Christ inspiration intercession Interpretation intertestamental period Intertextuality Interview intimidation Isaiah Israel Israel (land of) James James D. G. Dunn Jason Staples Jerome Jesus Jesus sayings Jesus traditions Jesus: Studies Jewish literature Jewish names Jewish Scripture Jewish studies Jews Joanna Job John John 3:16 John Chrysostom John Hyrcanus John Mark John of Damascus John the Baptist John Wesley Josephus joy Judaism Judgment day Julia Junia Justice justification kerygma King Kingdom kingdom of God Krister Stendahl lament Law lecture hall letter writing Letters of Paul Leucippe et Clitophon Leviathan Leviticus light Logical fallacy looting Lord Lord's Prayer lose salvation Lot Lotan love lovingkindness Lucifer Luke lust Luther LXX maenads Malachi Marcion marginalization marital affair marriage martyrdom Mary Matt Damon Medieval theologians Medieval theology memorization mercy Michael the Archangel miracles Mishnah missiology mission missionary missions monergism monogenes monster monsters Mysterious Ways mythology N. T. Wright name change names narrative Nephilim New Birth new covenant new covenant pneumaism new creation New Perspective on Paul New Testament New Testament use of Old Testament Noah Noah's ark non-Christian oath obedience Odysseus Odyssey oil Old Testament only begotten Origen Outpouring pagan pagans parable paraceratherium Parousia participation in Christ Pastoral Letters patristic theology Paul in prison Paul letter of Paul teaching Paul the Apostle: Studies Paul within Judaism Paul's calling Paul's conversion Paul's death Pauline Theology persecution perseverance perseverance of the saints Persis personal devotion pesher Peter Abelard Philo philosophy Phoebe Pink Floyd pistis Plague plutarch pneuma pneumagism popular culture sayings Porneia Post-New Perspective on Paul praise prayer preaching predestination Prisca Priscilla Prison Epistle Prophecy prophets Psalm Psalms Pseudepigrapha Q Q source quest for the historic Jesus quotations Rabbi Pinhas be Yair Rabbinic literature Rainer Riesner raised from the dead rapture reading missiologically reading plan recipients reciprocity reconciliation Red Herring red letter edition redemption Reformation Regeneration rejoicing reminder renewal repentance restoration resurrection revival righteousness riot Roman Antiquity Roman names romance Romans Romans 12-16 Romans 16 Romans 4:25 Romans 7 Rome Rufus's mother sacrificial system salvation Salvation/Soteriology sanctification Satan Satan's fall Saul the Pharisee SBL Scholars school Scripture Second coming of Christ Second Temple Judaism secretary Septuagint Sergeant York Sergius Paulus Servant in Isaiah sex and sexuality sex ethics sexual immorality sheep sick sin sinful nature single Christians and dating social justice Society of Biblical Literature sons of God soteriology spinosaurus spiritual gifts spiritual renewal spiritual warfare Stephen Wilson struggle Study Bible studying the Bible Suetonius suffering Suffering Servant suggestive commentary Survey synergism Synoptic Gospels Tacitus teacher teaching telos temptation Tertius The Chosen the flesh Theology Thomas Aquinas Thomas Robinson Thomas Schreiner Thorn Thucydides Timothy Titus tongues Top 10 top 12 Torah trust Tryphaena Tryphosa Tyrannus U2 Ugaritic Ukraine Ukrainian Uncategorized unconditional love unforgiving Union with Christ unity/solidarity unpardonable sin Valentine's Day veils vice vices victory warnings Watchers witnessing Woman ministers women women ministers women speakers women teachers word of God works works of the law worship writing YouVersion Zen Hess

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

True or False: The parable of the Good Samaritan is found in all four Gospels.

Select your answer to see how you score.

TRUE FALSE