{"id":1212,"date":"2024-01-29T06:02:21","date_gmt":"2024-01-29T11:02:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/humorbreak\/?p=1212"},"modified":"2024-01-24T12:06:29","modified_gmt":"2024-01-24T17:06:29","slug":"the-secret-of-my-successful-diet-cookies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/humorbreak\/2024\/01\/the-secret-of-my-successful-diet-cookies\/","title":{"rendered":"The Secret of My Successful Diet: Cookies"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

In Humor Break, I have mentioned that my body is a temple<\/a>\u2014a decrepit, crumbling ruin<\/a>.<\/p>\n

"Temple

My Body is a Temple: Decrepit, Crumbling Ruins<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I have also said that cleanliness is next to godliness<\/a> as far as keeping this crumbling temple clean. Now I will address what goes into the temple, as in another Humor Break blog called \u201c6 Reasons Why God Should Have Sent Chocolate Rather Than Manna*.\u201d<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n*

I have always taken good care of my body with chocolate. However, some people don\u2019t view what goes into the body in the same way I do.<\/p>\n

"Kid

Chocolate, the food of the gods\/image courtesy of Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

"Person

With the start of a new year, many people make a resolution to diet\/image courtesy of Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n*
** *With the start of a new year, many people resolve to go on a diet. But why is it that when people go on a diet, they feel compelled to share\u2014in detail\u2014with everyone within hearing range, everything that is allowed to pass through their lips? There are so many diets out there, each with its own unique \u201crules\u201d and complicated method of accounting for each consumed morsel. \u00a0Is there anything more tedious than having to listen to someone recite how she \u201cjuices\u201d four carrots, a head of lettuce, three cloves of garlic, a pineapple, and a tomato every morning for breakfast? Or how delicious it is?<\/p>\n

"Two

I had Krispy Kreme donuts for breakfast\/image courtesy of pixabay<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

All I can respond with is, \u201cI had two cr\u00e8me-filled doughnuts from Krispy Kreme.<\/a> Talk about delicious! But it\u2019s okay because I ate them with a diet Coke<\/a>, so the calories don\u2019t count.\u201d\u00a0""<\/p>\n

I particularly dislike the diets which assign \u201cpoints\u201d to food. The dieters become obsessed with numbers and feel the need to regale everyone around them with the math. \u201cI had an egg for breakfast. That was two points. I had a grilled chicken breast for lunch. That was five points, which means I can have a super-sized combo meal at Burger King<\/a> with a Whopper, large fries, milkshake, and peanut butter pie for twelve-thousand, six hundred and fifty-nine points. Of course, I can\u2019t have any points for the next two weeks, so I\u2019ll just be having water.\u201d<\/p>\n

"Person

It\u2019s time to watch what I eat\/image courtesy of Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n*
** \u201cI don\u2019t see the point,\u201d I admit. \u201cAll you have to do is eat from someone else\u2019s plate. There are no calories or points unless the food is actually consumed from your own plate.\u201d Duh! I thought everyone knew that. Just like there are no calories in broken pieces because when the cookie, candy bar, breadstick, etc., is broken, all the calories fall out. There are also no calories in foods you eat that you don\u2019t like. Think how unfair that would be\u2014to penalize a person with calories when she didn\u2019t enjoy what she ate.<\/p>\n
** There are always \u201cnew and guaranteed to work\u201d diets coming on the scene, which promise weight loss without effort.<\/p>\n
** \u201cI\u2019m on a new diet I saw on Oprah, which was developed by a naturopathic doctor. I can\u2019t have chicken, corn, wheat, carrots, peas, milk, or butter,\u201d says my coworker.<\/p>\n
** \u201cThat\u2019s too bad,\u201d I say, \u201cI brought chicken pot pie to share with everyone at lunch. And a death by chocolate cake.\u201d<\/p>\n
** *\u201cOh, the cake I can have!\u201d Go figure.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know,\u201d says another dieter, \u201cyou really should try the \u2018Werewolf Diet.\u2019<\/a> You fast during a full moon.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI generally fast during all moons,\u201d I reply. \u201cI don\u2019t eat when I\u2019m sleeping.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe cabbage soup diet is the best,\u201d insists still another dieter. \u201cIt fills you up so you don\u2019t feel hungry.\u201d She goes on to describe in great detail how to make yummy cabbage soup as if that were even possible.<\/p>\n

Is there a delicate way to suggest she may be contributing to Global Warming with that one?<\/p>\n

Finally, I heard of a diet that even I can sink my teeth into. There are three variations of this diet\u2014Dr. Siegal\u2019s Cookie Diet,<\/a> The Hollywood Cookie Diet,<\/a> and the Smart for Life Cookie Diet.<\/a> All promise that eating cookies will help you drop pounds. On the surface, it sounds too good to be true, which of course it is. It seems you don\u2019t actually get to sit down with an entire plate of Oreos<\/a> and munch to your heart\u2019s content.<\/p>\n

"Plate*
** If it doesn\u2019t involve Oreos, I\u2019ll pass\/image courtesy of pixabay<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
** You just eat high-fiber (another term for \u201ccardboard-tasting\u201d) cookies for breakfast, lunch, and snacks, with a healthy dinner. If it doesn\u2019t involve Oreos, I\u2019ll pass.<\/p>\n
** Just let me say this. Nobody really cares about what you are allowed to eat on your diet or what you actually ate. If they do, they will ask. If nobody asks, it\u2019s a safe bet they don\u2019t want to hear. However, if you want my professional advice on weight loss, here it is: Eat less\u2014after<\/em> the holidays, of course, because as everyone knows, the whole month of December is for pigging out. Oh, wait. December is over.<\/p>\n
** So have a Valentine\u2019s cookie (or a dozen) and forget about it. Just be sure to break them first.<\/p>\n
** "Broken
** Be sure to break the cookie so the calories fall out\/image courtesy of pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
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** *In Humor Break, I have mentioned that my body is a temple\u2014a decrepit, crumbling ruin. I have also said that cleanliness is next to godliness as far as keeping this crumbling temple clean. Now I will address what goes into the temple, as in another Humor Break blog called \u201c6 Reasons Why God Should Have […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5198,"featured_media":1230,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[234],"class_list":["post-1212","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-dieting-secrets"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Secret of My Successful Diet: Cookies<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"With the start of the new year, many people resolve to go on diets. But please don't share every detail of your diet with me. 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