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The Mourning of Personal Space

The Mourning of Personal Space

Last updated on: May 31, 2018 at 6:24 am by Suehaila Amen

The Mourning of Personal Space 2018-05-31T06:24:39-04:00 Suehaila Amen

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Personal space, what?

I am mourning the loss of my personal space in Lebanon. Personal space does not exist here. Not in driving, lines at the grocery store, bank, or pharmacy.

It is the one thing that will disappear once a person arrives to the country. Brace yourselves should you ever make a trip here.

From the moment you disembark your aircraft in Lebanon, personal space becomes a long lost lover that you dream of.

Wait your turn

I have been coming to Lebanon for years. Each time, the one thing that leaves me bordering on the emotions of pure rage, is the fact that no one knows how to stand in a line or wait their turn.

People cut in front of you, make their own line next to you, and create an additional lane or two on the expressway, pushing you onto the shoulder or into the median.

There is no care for an individual’s time or position in the line. Complete carelessness and disregard. Yet, they don’t complain and simply move along.

How? Why? I cannot comprehend their acceptance of this behavior?

Is it complicity or do they simply realize they won’t get anywhere if they don’t do the same or close their eyes to it?

It really is intriguing to watch.

Patience! Where is your patience?

Last year, as we were leaving for Hajj (pilgrimage), there were several American Lebanese in our group that were pushing and shoving their way through the line in the Beirut airport. I stared at them in disbelief.

We come from a culture where standing in a line is the norm. Like quality global citizens, we cue up and wait our turn. Yet, upon arrival to Lebanon, all common sense left their brains and they acted like schoolchildren jostling for the front of the lunch line.

Rubbing my head, I reminded them we were bound for pilgrimage and exercising common sense and courtesy should begin now. Patience is a virtue they would need in Hajj, and perhaps they would want to begin using it now.

They looked at me, “Hajji Suehaila, you need to be this way to get what you want in Lebanon.”

“Not me,” I thought. “I won’t let myself get to that point.”

Well, as the saying goes, never say never. *shrugging in exasperation*

Pharmacy: Another UFC arena

Waiting in line at the pharmacy, I was pushed and shoved by three men who were arguing about their place in line. Giving them dirty looks, they continued, unaffected, elbowing me.

Sadly, respect towards others is a thing some people have yet to comprehend.

It’s unnerving to ask the pharmacist personal questions in such a public space. This is the norm in Lebanon.

You go to the pharmacy and tell them your issue and get your medication. The only things that need prescriptions are narcotics and anti-depressants. Almost everything is over the counter.

Embarrassed to share my issues aloud

I began speaking to the pharmacist quietly, two men literally standing on my heels and in my conversation.

I kept pausing, embarrassed to share my medical issue, as the pharmacist asked them to back away and stand in line.

Realizing this was getting us nowhere, I had enough and figured they needed to be put in their place.

The power of the V word

I turned around to the men and said curtly, “Do you mind backing up so I can ask questions about my vagina without you next to me?” Mortified, they took three steps back, heads down.

Finally free to speak without them at my elbow, I went about my business and got the medication I needed for food poisoning.

Heck, if that’s all it took, I should throw the word around more often. I didn’t realize how much power was in one word!

I am not on vacation, anymore

While on vacation, you don’t pay attention much to these things. You simply ignore the impertinence and ignorance and enjoy the beaches, tourist attractions, and sunshine. You know you will be back to what is normal for you.

Now that I live here, I realize that there is “no place like home,” when it comes to some aspects of life here. The realization that lines aren’t respected and personal space is a long lost dream overwhelmed me for a few days.

Asking God to keep me calm and patient, I do not want to become like them and lose my sense of common courtesy. I take pride in being respectful of others and their personal space.

Just give me some inner peace

I never realized how much I would appreciate my level of patience until I had to deal with these things. It is usually the little things that irritate you, right? One would say, “come on, Suehaila. It’s not that serious.”

Yet, in a nation of instability and lack of infrastructure, you want to cling on to anything that brings you inner peace. Order, organization, and structure give me inner peace. Lines give me peace! *smiles*

Stay focused, girl. Stay focused.

While shopping for kitchen appliances and goods, I waited patiently as the staff of Carrefour rang me up. A woman, scarf neatly wrapped, fingers adorned with large gemstone rings, huffs and puffs, ready to blow me out of my place.

“This is taking too long,” she mutters. “Why are you people so slow?”

Her rudeness was appalling.

I turned my attention back to the two staff members working as quickly as possible to finish and said, “Allah ya’ateekon al a’afe,” (may God give you strength).

“Dear God, please keep me patient,” I ask.

The Big Bad Wolf doesn’t have anything on this lady

Gusts of air come out of her, as she impatiently asks how long they will take to finish.

Perhaps she has poor eyesight and cannot see they are in the middle of ringing the purchase. They stare at her and tell her they are in the middle of processing. They ask her to be patient as they complete the purchase.

She huffs and puffs, several more times.

She looks at me, saying in an exasperated tone, “just let me pass and make my purchase and continue yours after, ok?”

I figured she was a card short of a full deck for even thinking to ask such a silly question.

But, God didn’t grant my request

Dripping with kindness, I responded.

“No dear, I will not allow you to go ahead with your purchase. I waited in line, as you are. Having been here for over 2 hours, I would like to complete my purchase without your nagging and heavy breathing. If you were purchasing $4000 in goods for your new home, I would patiently wait my turn. If you cannot bear to stand here, take a walk around the store and perhaps when you return, I will be done. I can bet that if you were in Europe or North America, you would wait in line like a good girl and not say a word. Now please, be quiet so we can finish without your disrespectful comments.”

Needless to say, she went for a walk.

The two staff members said, “This happens every day, all day. Thank you for telling her she was rude. We cannot say a word. Because you’re a foreigner, she won’t respond to you.”

We have to make concessions

Do I miss standing in a proper line? Yes!

Do I miss having my personal space? Yes!

Do I miss driving in a traffic lane on my own? Yes!

Though, I will take the sunshine and Mediterranean views over the dreary and bleak winters of Michigan, any day.

From the two lane expressway that turns into four lanes, the jostling as people feel the need to stand in your personal space, to the 50 question interrogation into your personal life, I have learned that respect for personal space is a thing of the past. I have come to accept my fate!

It is going to take time to adjust to the craziness, though I am focused on staying patient and trying my best to maintain decorum and common courtesy towards others.

Let’s hope that God answers my prayers.

If not, let’s hope God keeps me out of jail!

(Two lane expressway that becomes three and four lanes to accommodate traffic)

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