Manhood And Toxic Masculinity

Last updated on: August 19, 2020 at 8:29 am by Henry Karlson

Manhood And Toxic Masculinity 2020-08-19T08:29:41-05:00 Henry Karlson

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Tibor Végh: Boxing Children / Wikimedia Commons

In the shot story, “Manhood,” the former student and friend of C.S. Lewis, John Wain, writes of a youth whose father wants him to grow up to be a strong man, a youth who is being pushed by his father into all kinds of exercises and sports in order to attain his father’s ideal of manhood. The father, Mr Willison, felt he had to do this so that his son, Rob, could be better than he, that is, to have all the advantages he did not have while he was growing up:

“Now look,” said Mr Willison again. “When I was a boy, it was study, study, study all the time, with the fear of unemployment and insecurity in everybody’s mind. I was never even given a bicycle. I never boxed, I never rowed, I never did anything to develop my physique. It was just work, work, work, pass this exam, get that certificate. Well, I did it and now I’m qualified and in a secure job. But you know as well as I do that they let me down. Nobody encouraged me to build myself up.”[1]

Rob does not want to let his father down, and yet, he is being pushed beyond his capabilities. His father is constantly having him trained, from extreme bike riding to boxing. When Rob was not able to make it into any of his school’s sports teams, he lies to his father, telling him he has taken up boxing, making his father proud. The school had no boxing team. Rob, however, knew one day he would have to pretend to have a fight- but when the time comes, he makes up another lie, saying he is not well, claiming appendicitis:

Mr Willison ran up the stairs. “What is it?” he panted. “D’you want something?”

“I think I’ve got appendicitis,” said Rob. He lay squinting among the pillows, his face suddenly narrow and crafty. [2]

Because his son was going to miss the fight, Mr Willison calls Mr Granger, whom Rob had indicated was his trainer. It was then he learned the truth. There was no boxing team. The school frowned on boxing. His son had been lying to appease him.

One of the lessons one can get out of “Manhood” is the way people create an ideal version of manhood, of masculinity, which they try to impart on the next generation. It isn’t real, but to appease their parents, many children will try to conform to that ideal, and when they cannot, they will still try to appear to do so by lying. The reality is that the ideal itself is the lie. It takes a lie to continue a lie. There is no one universal “masculinity” which is to be enforced upon all men; to try to make one leads to toxic masculinity, to a destructive vision of manhood which relies upon lies and violence in order to reproduce itself in the world. And in the modern world, this toxic masculinity is seen in the way masculinity is reduced to a few qualities, such as strength (and muscles), revealing itself in someone who “takes charge” over others, or at least, by someone who is capable of taking all that can be unleashed at them without complaint. Those who are not so strong, those who are not so aggressive and “take charge” are treated as less than manly. This leads to would-be men fighting against each other, trying to show themselves to be stronger than each other, and indeed, to have men fighting anyone who comes in their path who would undermine their “authority.”

“There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death” (Prov. 14:12 RSV). There is a way which seems to be right about manhood by so many people, but its end is also death, because it does not allow men to be themselves. It forces men to conform to false expectations. When those expectations are not met, suffering will follow: either with the man who does not conform, who feels as if they are a failure, or those around such a man, who try to meet those expectations by taking it out on those around them to prove their supposed strength, or likely, both. To try to conform to what seems “right” about manhood, to create a false vision of masculinity which envisions man as strong (“body builder”), incapable of showing emotions (“men do not cry”), as being in control (especially of their spouse), indeed, to be all concerned about making money (for the man alone must provide for the family), might seem right to some, because it is an ideology which has been perpetuated through various social constructs, but because so many men do not meet its criteria, it is clear it fails to represent the truth.

Scripture, of course, undermines the ideology which has led to modern toxic masculinity. It promotes wisdom over strength, compassion over dominance, self-giving love over avarice. “A wise man is mightier than a strong man, and a man of knowledge than he who has strength; for by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory” (Prov. 24:5-6 RSV). Men are to show kindness to their families, instead of being domineering. “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Col. 3:19 RSV). “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” (Col. 3:21 RSV).

Masculinity, when reduced to a few, questionable qualities, undermines all those men who do not possess them. They are forced either to try to pretend to have them, and lie to themselves and the world (like Rob in the story, “Manhood”), or suffer various indignities by those who follow such an ideological vision of the masculine. Toxic masculinity has become an increasing problem because the ideology behind it has been exposed, but instead of accepting it, ideologues double down and try to reify their ideology. They become caricatures of the manhood they describe.

Manhood, masculinity, doesn’t have to be reduced to a few qualities. Such reductionistic representations of masculinity (and likewise, femininity) will always cause pain and confusion. If we want to get rid of toxic masculinity, and the problems associated with it, we must realize that masculinity itself is empty, that is, it has no specific qualities but rather, is capable of being expressed in a full range of possibilities. Each man should be free to express themselves as this wish (so long as they do so respecting other potentialities, other ways of manifesting the masculine, and, of course, so long as their expression is filled with compassion and is not one which harms others). For the Christian, that means they should be able to express themselves in and with the fruit of the Spirit: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law” (Gal. 5:22-23 RSV). This is far from the image of masculinity which has been reinforced by patriarchal systems, and so far from the image which creates the toxicity which destroys lives, both of the man and of those around him.

The story of “Manhood” shows us, in its own fashion, the pains and sorrows which come out of the lies which are used to promote a vision of manhood which has never been, and can never be, true. The ideological vision of manhood which has come down to us, though not true, tries to make reality meet its claims by force, by training the next generation to meet its criteria. Rob’s mother was not happy with Rob being involved with boxing, but his father promoted it as a way to make Rob a true man:

“That’s where you’re wrong, Grace,” said Mr Willison sternly. “There is a law. The unalterable law of nature that says that the young males of the species indulge in manly trials of strength. Think of all the other lads who are going into the ring tonight. D’you think their mothers are sitting about crying and kicking up a fuss? No – they’re proud to have strong, masculine sons who can stand up in the ring and take a few punches.” [3]

When we think being a man is about giving and receiving punches, we should not be surprised with the violence and destruction which comes in its wake. True masculinity is strong, but its strength lies in the spirit, not physical strength and feats of endurance. Of course, some men will have such qualities, but it is not what makes them men, nor should it be expected of all men. Likewise, those who have such qualities should not be encouraged to think they exist for the sake of proving their superiority over others. For once again, if that is what they believe, they will act on it, causing pain and sorrow to themselves (as those qualities are impermanent) and on others around them (as they try to prove their superiority through the violence indicated by their ideology).

True masculinity lies in and with every man; not all of them are physically strong, not all of them are brave, not all of them have iron constitutions. To get to the heart of masculinity we must move beyond all such expectations. We must stop lying to ourselves by trying to create an ideological image of the masculine. Only then can we begin to solve the problem so many men and boys face today. For then they will not feel bad for failing to meet some false ideal. Only when we can stop lying to ourselves and lying to the next generation, can we begin to accept men who do not fit such ideological expectations, freeing them from abusive qualities, and truly allowing them to come together in harmony with everyone else. Only then can they also learn to accept women likewise cannot be reduced to ideological qualities about femininity, allowing them to appreciate and accept women as women instead of things which must be objectified in order to fit in their ideological perspective.

[1] John Wain, “Manhood” in Death of the Hind Legs and Other Stories (Middlesex: Penguin Books, 1970), 61

[2] John Wain, “Manhood,” 66.

[3] John Wain, “Manhood,” 66.

Stay in touch! Like A Little Bit of Nothing on Facebook.
If you liked what you read, please consider sharing it with your friends and family!

Identification

John Wain

Masculine

Previous Post

August 18, 2020

Jesus And The Death Penalty

Next Post

August 20, 2020 Single-Issue Voting Vs. The Common Good

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abortion Abraham abuse Aesthetics AI Aliens Ambrose Ancestors and Everything Andrew Angels Animals Anne Anthony Antisemitism apologetics Apophatic Apostle John Aquinas Artificial Intelligence Asanga Ascension Asceticism Assumption Atheism Attachment Augustine Authority Avarice Balthasar Baptism Beauty Biden birthright citizenship Bishops Black History Books Buddhism Bulgakov Byzantine Calendar C.S. Lewis Calcidius Catholic Catholicism Catholicism Celibacy Charity Chastity children Chrismation Christ Christmas Christology Church Climate Change Common Good Communion Confession Confirmation Conscience Constantine conventions conversion councils Covid Creation Cross Dead Death Death Penalty Debate Deception Demagogues Demons Desert Monks Desert Mothers Desire destruction development Dialogue Dignity Dionsyius Dionysius Discipline Diversity Division Doctor Who doctrine dogma Dormition Dualism Easter Easter Series Ecumenical Councils Ecumenism Education Election Empathy Environment Error Eschatology eschaton Eternity Ethics Eucharist Evangelism Eve Evil evolution Faeries Faith Fear femininity Ficino Florence Florensky Folktale Fools Forgiveness Freedom Future gender Gentile Gentiles Glory Gnostic God gods Good Samaritan Goodness Gospel Government Grace Great Fast Guns Hate healing Health Heaven Hell Hellenism Heresy Hierarchy Hildegard Hinduism History Holiness Holy Spirit Holy Week Hope Horror Human rights humanity Humility hypocrisy ICE icon icons Identification Identity Idol II Nicea Immigration incarnation Individualism Informal Reflections Inklings Intention Inter-Religious Interfaith Internet Interpretation Intrinsic evil Irenaeus Islam Israel Jacob Jerome Jesus Jews John Chrysostom John of Damascus John the Baptist Joseph Judaism justice Justification kenosis Kindnesss Kingdom of God Kingdom of Heaven Law Law of Moses Lazarus Leaf by Niggle Lent Lenten Reflection Liberation Theology Lies Life Listen Literature Liturgy locutions Logic Logos Love Marriage Martyrs Mary Mass Maximos The Confessor Meanness Meditation Mercy Middle Path Migrants Mind Miracles Miriam Morals Moses Movies Music Muslims Myths Names Nationalism Native Americans New Year Nicea Nicholas Nothing Novatian Obedience Occam's Razor Ordination Origen Original Sin Orthodox orthopraxis Pagans Palamas Palm Sunday Paradise Paschaltide Paul Peace Pentecost person Peter piety PKD Plato pluralism Plurality Poem Poetry Poiltics Politics Poor Pope Pope Francis Pope Leo XIV Post Office Prayer Pride Pro-life Prodigal Son propaganda Prophecy Prophets Providence Putin Racism Reading Reason Reflection Refugees Relationships Religion Religion Series Religious Liberty Repent Republicans Rest Resurrection Rich Rites Russia Sacraments Saints Salvation Salvian Santa Science Scripture Self-Giving Sexuality Sibyl Sick Silence Sin Singlehood Social Justice Society Sodom Solovyov Speculations Spiritual Reflection St. Cyril of Alexandria St. Justin Martyr Suffering Sunday of the Paralytic Man Sunday of the Samaritan Woman Superhero Supreme Court Teaching Technology Thanksgiving The Father the Universe Theological Reflection Theology Theosis Theotokos Thomas Timaeus Time Tolerenace Tolkien Tradition Transfiguration Trinity Trump Truth Uncategorized Unity Universities USCCB Value Vatican II Vegetarian Vices Violence Virtue Vocations War Water Welcome Wisdom Womanhood Women Work World View Worship Writing Zacchaeus

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz