Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Catholic
Encourage Through Love, Not Discourage Through Judgment

Encourage Through Love, Not Discourage Through Judgment

Last updated on: July 27, 2016 at 5:54 am by Henry Karlson

Encourage Through Love, Not Discourage Through Judgment 2016-07-27T05:54:51-05:00 Henry Karlson

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Abraham by James Tissot via Wikimedia Commons [Public domain]

It happened one day that one of the brethren in the monastery of Abba Elias was tempted. Cast out of the monastery, he went over the mountain to Abba Anthony. The brother lived near him for a while and then Anthony sent him back to the monastery from which he had been expelled. When the brothers saw him they cast him out yet again, and he went back to Abba Anthony saying, “My Father, they will not receive me.” Then the old man sent them a message saying, “A boat was shipwrecked at sea and lost its cargo; with great difficulty it reached the shore; but you want to throw into the sea that which has found a safe harbor on the shore.” When the brothers understood that it was Abba Anthony who had sent them this monk, they received him at once. [1]

In the monastic community, as with many small communities, it was difficult to keep various faults hidden. Those who found themselves constantly falling for temptation, though striving for virtue, often looked like those who freely gave into vice, and so were readily judged by their brethren, relentlessly cast out instead of looked after and helped to achieve the virtue they sought. Perfection was not instantaneous; for those weakened from sin, the spiritual healing needed would take time. If some monks faced a lot of strong temptations, some other monks judged them, not because they sinned, but because they could be tempted. St. Anthony the Great understood this as he guided many early monastic communities. Though they should not let in those who would do nothing for themselves and freely give into a libertine lifestyle without regret, yet those who honestly sought spiritual healing should not be dismissed but given the aid they sought.

Sinners always need forgiveness if they are going to overcome their sin. Those who suffered temptation to sin, therefore, should also be accorded every help that can be given to them to make sure they did not stumble.

Forgiveness is not only meant to be for ourselves. It is meant to be the foundation of the way we are to deal with others when they make mistakes. It is not easy. We look at someone who stands before us causing some sort of scandal, we want to cast them aside and have nothing more to do with them. The more we judge in this manner, the more likely we will also judge people, not just based upon what they have done, but the desires and temptations they have to fend off. But we must keep in mind, if people only knew us and our lives, if they knew our hidden thoughts and deeds, would they not also be scandalized and would they not want to cast us off as well? When we see someone sinning before us, the first thing we should do is look within ourselves and be reminded of our own sins; we should humbly remember what we have done, the grace which we have received, and stay humble. We pray, hopefully daily, the Lord’s prayer, saying, “And forgive us our debts, As we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matt. 6:12 RSV). How are we to be forgiven if we take pride in ourselves, think ourselves superior to others, and so become judgmental, looking for petty excuses to diminish them based upon mistakes they have made? Because we have been forgiven much must continue to be gracious with others in return; if we do not, we will find that our lack of charity itself will be judged and can lead us to be required to pay our own debt in return, as Jesus explained in a parable:

“Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began the reckoning, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents; and as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, `Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him the lord of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But that same servant, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat he said, `Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and besought him, `Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’0 He refused and went and put him in prison till he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him and said to him, `You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you besought me; and should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his lord delivered him to the jailers, till he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart” (Matt. 18: 23 – 35 RSV).

It is for this reason we should be focused on our own sins, and keep them ever in front of us, so we can look at others with the same kind of merciful love that we want for ourselves. If we are unwilling to give it to others, we will find we do not have it either. We might, in a way, receive forgiveness for some things which we have done, but it will be for lesser sins; so long as we have pride and relentlessly judge others as a way to prop ourselves up, we will find our very character prevents us from receiving the mercy which we so much need for our own spiritual perfection.

This is why Jesus also said we must always be concerned with our spiritual state, to purify ourselves from all defilement, because those who are so filled with pride will ignore their own spiritual needs as the look for and find excuses to reject the other:

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, `Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye (Matt. 7:3-5 RSV).

All sin is a sickness. When we are sick from its effects, we should seek our own healing before we go to others, because otherwise it is likely, as with all sickness, we will spread our disease to others. But it is also why we can and should look to sinners with love. We do not hate someone because they are sick. We love them, hoping that their health will improve. And so, as St. Caesarius of Arles explained, “We hate, not the man, but the sin; not the vicious, but the vice, detesting the disease rather than the sick man.”[2] St. Peter Chrysologus agreed, seeing even more, the implications of sin being a sickness:

A brother has a fever when he does harm to his brother, a neighbor is delirious when he does wrong to his neighbor, he does not know what he is doing, and he is a stranger to his own humanity; the one who does not show compassion and come to his aid, or who does not show patience and provide for his healing, or who does not grant him pardon to make him well, is not well himself, is sick and infirm, has no heart, and is shown to be without any human feeling. [3]

When we are judgmental through our pride, we begin by confusing the person with their sin and so hate them with the sin, causing, as a result, a reason for us to be hated because we too are sinners. When we ignore what sin is and think of it as an actual substance which is to be predicated to some sinner, so that we think they are one with their sin, we create the means for our own spiritual demise. Sadly, it does not stop there. When we see someone tempted to sin in ways which we are not, we begin to judge them for their temptations, and condemn them for their desires. Since we are not tempted like they are, for the sins they are tempted with, because we cannot even begin to understand why such sins would be attractive to anyone, we think less of them and begin to equate them not only with their sins, but their temptations as well. We treat not just the sinner, but the one tempted by sin, as evil. Such dualistic error is to be overturned by love, where we understand sin is unnatural, and so when we see someone sinning, what we see is not who they really are.

How, then, shall we overcome the temptation to judge the sinner? Again, by remembering our own sins, to think ourselves as the first among sinners. Indeed, when we see someone sin, we are tempted to judge them. This temptation is normal. We judge by what we see, but what we see is not the full truth of the matter. We do not know the spiritual battle they are going through, we do not know if they are fighting against the sin through penance, as an anonymous saying from a desert father indicated:

An elder said, “Should somebody sin in your presence in any way, judge him not but regard yourself as more sinful than him. You see the sin, but you do not see the repentance.”[4]

The devil loves it when we revile someone for the sin we see them do, and he makes sure we do not see the sorrow and confession they undergo as a result of their sin. If we do not put a stop to our temptation to judge, we will begin judging everyone, not just for their sins, but for those temptations which they face and we do not. Yes, perhaps not everyone will repent, but we do not know this will be the case for any particular person we encounter. We must hope for their conversion, hope for grace coming to them and healing them from the self-inflicted wounds of sin or to ward off whatever sin they are tempted to commit. We can’t excuse our judgmental attitude by saying we are helping the person repent – as is often the case when a sinner encounters such a judgmental attitude instead of mercy, they are not turned away from sin but only find themselves confirmed in it. The only way forward is love, to show forgiveness to others as we would like to be forgiven, to show mercy and understanding for temptation as we would like people to show us for ours. We must not turn away shipwrecks just because the captain of the ship was a bad captain – for we, ourselves, are shipwrecks, and we would never want others to abandon us for our mistakes. St. Anthony understood this and so he, upon seeing a weak monk who truly struggled for holiness, did all he can to help build that monk up instead of being mistreated and turned away from the port, unable to receive the spiritual repairs he needed to continue his quest for holiness.

[1] The Sayings of the Desert Fathers. trans. Benedicta Ward (Kalamazoo, MI: Cistercian Publications, 1984), 6.

[2] St. Caesarius of Arles, Sermons 81 – 186. trans. Mary Madgeleine Mueller, O.S.F. (Washington, DC: Catholic University of America Press, 1963), 317.

[3] St. Peter Chrysologus, Selected Sermons. Volume 3. trans. William B. Palardy (Washington, DC: Catholic University of America Press, 2005), 217-8.

[4] The Book of the Elders. Sayings of the Desert Fathers. The Systematic Collection. trans. John Wortley (Collegeville, MN: Cistercian Publications, 2012), 139.

Stay in touch! Like A Little Bit of Nothing on Facebook:

A Little Bit of Nothing

Previous Post

July 25, 2016

Vanity, I Tell You! Politics is Vanity!

Next Post

July 29, 2016 The World Is Stacked Against You. Be Angry. Then Find Peace.

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abortion Abraham abuse Aesthetics AI Aliens Ambrose Ancestors and Everything Andrew Angels Animals Anne Anthony Antisemitism apologetics Apophatic Apostle John Aquinas Artificial Intelligence Asanga Ascension Asceticism Assumption Atheism Attachment Augustine Authority Avarice Balthasar Baptism Beauty Biden birthright citizenship Bishops Black History Books Buddhism Bulgakov Byzantine Calendar C.S. Lewis Calcidius Catholic Catholicism Catholicism Celibacy Charity Chastity children Chrismation Christ Christmas Christology Church Climate Change Common Good Communion Confession Confirmation Conscience Constantine conventions conversion councils Covid Creation Cross Dead Death Death Penalty Debate Deception Demagogues Demons Desert Monks Desert Mothers Desire destruction development Dialogue Dignity Dionsyius Dionysius Discipline Diversity Division Doctor Who doctrine dogma Dormition Dualism Easter Easter Series Ecumenical Councils Ecumenism Education Election Empathy Environment Error Eschatology eschaton Eternity Ethics Eucharist Evangelism Eve Evil evolution Faeries Faith Fear femininity Ficino Florence Florensky Folktale Fools Forgiveness Freedom Future gender Gentile Gentiles Glory Gnostic God gods Good Samaritan Goodness Gospel Government Grace Great Fast Guns Hate healing Health Heaven Hell Hellenism Heresy Hierarchy Hildegard Hinduism History Holiness Holy Spirit Holy Week Hope Horror Human rights humanity Humility hypocrisy ICE icon icons Identification Identity Idol II Nicea Immigration incarnation Individualism Informal Reflections Inklings Intention Inter-Religious Interfaith Internet Interpretation Intrinsic evil Irenaeus Islam Israel Jacob Jerome Jesus Jews John Chrysostom John of Damascus John the Baptist Joseph Judaism justice Justification kenosis Kindnesss Kingdom of God Kingdom of Heaven Law Law of Moses Lazarus Leaf by Niggle Lent Lenten Reflection Liberation Theology Lies Life Listen Literature Liturgy locutions Logic Logos Love Marriage Martyrs Mary Mass Maximos The Confessor Meanness Meditation Mercy Middle Path Migrants Mind Miracles Miriam Morals Moses Movies Music Muslims Myths Names Nationalism Native Americans New Year Nicea Nicholas Nothing Novatian Obedience Occam's Razor Ordination Origen Original Sin Orthodox orthopraxis Pagans Palamas Palm Sunday Paradise Paschaltide Paul Peace Pentecost person Peter piety PKD Plato pluralism Plurality Poem Poetry Poiltics Politics Poor Pope Pope Francis Pope Leo XIV Post Office Prayer Pride Pro-life Prodigal Son propaganda Prophecy Prophets Providence Putin Racism Reading Reason Reflection Refugees Relationships Religion Religion Series Religious Liberty Repent Republicans Rest Resurrection Rich Rites Russia Sacraments Saints Salvation Salvian Santa Science Scripture Self-Giving Sexuality Sibyl Sick Silence Sin Singlehood Social Justice Society Sodom Solovyov Speculations Spiritual Reflection St. Cyril of Alexandria St. Justin Martyr Suffering Sunday of the Paralytic Man Sunday of the Samaritan Woman Superhero Supreme Court Teaching Technology Thanksgiving The Father the Universe Theological Reflection Theology Theosis Theotokos Thomas Timaeus Time Tolerenace Tolkien Tradition Transfiguration Trinity Trump Truth Uncategorized Unity Universities USCCB Value Vatican II Vegetarian Vices Violence Virtue Vocations War Water Welcome Wisdom Womanhood Women Work World View Worship Writing Zacchaeus

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz