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The Label Trap

The Label Trap

Last updated on: January 24, 2018 at 1:32 pm by Bekah Evie Bel

The Label Trap 2018-01-24T13:32:50+10:00 Bekah Evie Bel

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Labels are handy little things, when they are used correctly. Everyone is different and we are made up of all sorts of different things – beliefs, opinions, ideas and ideals, philosophies, lifestyle choices, dietary choices, educational choices, parenting choices, political alignments – these are all things that make up who we are and how we differ from each other. Labels are the things that we use to define or describe these little pieces of ourselves in short hand. Labels exist so we can tell people about ourselves, share these tiny but fundamental parts of ourselves, so we can let them know what is important to us and what we might find more compatible in other people.

But labels are not all there is to our inner selves, they are just names of snippets, pieces. They can only tell us so much. And that is where we see problems arising. Sometimes, especially in group situations, such as a religion or specific life choice (like in homeschooling) labels become more than what they should be. They become more important, they become part of us instead of ways to describe parts of us.

What’s the difference?

When we use a label it should only describe something about us. But sometimes we get so caught up in the labels that we let labels define us, wholly and completely. Sometimes we reach this point where we start to worry about whether what we are doing, how we are behaving, is fitting for our label. When we should be asking ourselves, is the label still fitting for me?

It’s like suddenly calling yourself Christian and going, “Welp, I better start hating the gays now!”
Yes I know not all Christians hate “the gays”. But that’s the point. Generalisations are often what we cling to when we let our labels define us.

Witches brew

You’re a witch? This is what you eat now! Public domain, pixabay.

Once you reach that point, where you ask yourself what to believe based on your label rather than your inner self, that’s when you know something is wrong and you need to make a change. It’s not that anything is wrong with the label, labels are words that we choose. No, something is wrong with how you are using your label.

It’s not a big horrible thing. Many of us end up doing it at some point, I have done it a few times. Simple example, striving so very very hard to celebrate or observe the Pagan Sabbats because, “that’s what Pagans do” is just one example of how I was using my labels wrong – I couldn’t make the cross-quarters work, at all, ever. In the end I realised I shouldn’t be trying so hard, or indeed at all. Just because these festivals are important to a lot of Pagans, doesn’t mean they have to matter to me. Trying to force them to work because my label said I should make them work, was simply the wrong thing to do. Once I let go of this need that wasn’t a need, my life got a bit easier, a weight was lifted from my shoulders and honestly, I found myself happier in my religion than before. I didn’t even notice it before, that trying so hard to do what I shouldn’t be doing was making me almost hate my religion.

I didn’t need to change my label to escape that particular problem, the label wasn’t the problem, my perception of what the label meant was the problem in that instance. But sometimes what needs to change is not your behaviour, but the label you use.

When I first discovered Paganism as an early teen, I discovered it through an Aussie Witchcraft Magazine. It, and the few books I managed to get hold of over the next year or two, were, well let’s just say that I understand why so many people think Wicca and Witchcraft are synonyms. Because I thought so too, because of that magazine and those few books. At my first look through the magazine I had finally discovered a modern belief system that seemed to match my need to work with the Gods, the Greek Gods in my case. The magazine would discuss Greek myth occasionally, as well as other myths and Gods, and I thought, here it is! This is what I have been looking for.

And then I kept reading, more magazines, those few books and, being the naïve teenager who finally found the holy grail, I tried so very hard to follow the rules. The magazines and books were full of generic Paganism, but they were also full of generic Wicca – rules and lores that had to be followed to be Pagan and Witch. The Triple Goddess, Harm None, Threefold Return etc. I tried so very hard. It took a while before I threw my hands in the air and gave up, realising, this was not me, these things did not fit me, I could not follow these damnable rules. They were wrong! It was all wrong!

Goddess statue

A symbol that should mean something to all Pagans, but I can’t seem to care about it. public domain, pixabay.

I abandoned my labels of (newbie) witch and Wiccan. Not that I should have used Wiccan anyway, but I never knew that back then. I felt like I had lost something major, some part of myself. I had been clinging so desperately to those labels, that when I finally realised I couldn’t change myself to fit them, it broke me a little. I felt adrift and alone, lost. Searching again. Because at this point, I also thought, you had to follow those rules to be Pagan.

This was a case where I needed to change my labels – not only because I was using the wrong labels, but also because I had little true understanding of what the labels really meant. Even when I did learn the truth of things, the labels were still important to me and how they made me feel – so important that I refused to use the label of Witch for years to come, despite being a Witch.

In the first example I didn’t need to change my label, just my behaviour and it was a freeing experience. But in the second example the need to change my label was painful. This is because in the second example I was very attached to the label, and what it meant, so it was painful to let go of it. But in the end it turned out to be a good thing, I think my life would have been quite miserable to live a lie long term.

Of course this isn’t really about the labels, so much as it is about what the labels represent. We aren’t necessarily attached the labels, the terms and titles – we are attached to what they mean, to us and to others. Labels represent ideas and beliefs, and in some cases community and kindred spirits. Letting go of that can be hard and painful. We can become so blinded by what we like about a thing, we can’t see it when we shouldn’t be part of it.

Then at some point it really does become about the labels. Suddenly, if you don’t fit the label, you cannot claim the label and you must therefore lose every part of that label. If you cannot believe in the rule of Harm None, you cannot be Wiccan and you must lose everything that made you part of Wicca – friends, teachers, even other beliefs.

Reality doesn’t work that way of course, but fear blinds us to reality just as much as the idea of finally finding a home can.

It’s not about the labels, and yet it is all about the labels.

It’s an easy trap to fall into too. Many of us do it, so easily, without even realising it until we figure it out through some deep and painful introspection. I have come across so many people that do it with Paganism and in Homeschooling too. Most often in Paganism it has to do with Wicca (in Homeschooling it is the Unschooling label). And to be honest, it is often not the fault of the individual – it is as I had, bad knowledge. Our books and magazines and websites and Facebook pages are rife with inaccuracies and misinformation. Newbies learn the wrong stuff and then spread the wrong stuff – which is why all Real Pagans Harm None. Those who figure out the truth often end up with a hatred of Wicca (or whatever the label was) and this explains why many non-Wiccans have a sneer on their face when they talk about Wicca. Because they aren’t actually talking about Wicca – but the crap that pretends to be Wicca, whether they acknowledge that or not.

Labels, such handy little things when used correctly. But they are a two edged sword. They can cause pain, misunderstanding and hatred. They can drive us away from the things we truly believe in because we are striving to escape from the pain of the thing we can’t believe in, despite wanting to.

So what can be done about this problem, this trap we can all easily fall into? Not much in truth. Not many of us are so self-aware that we can always recognise when we are about to fall down a hole. Even when we have done this before and recognised it for what it is, eventually, still we are vulnerable to our own desperate desires and misconceptions. All we can do is try to be aware, and not be afraid to question ourselves every now and then.

I don’t suggest constant vigilance – that would be tiring in the extreme. Simply be aware and question yourself every now and then, the way some hater would question you. And if you find you have fallen into the trap, don’t be too hard on yourself – lesson learned and many of us have been there before. You’re not alone in this.

Have you ever found yourself clinging to a label too hard to recognised that it just wasn’t for you? What did it take to make you finally let go and move on?

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