24 Ways I Know I’m Not Jesus

Last updated on: August 4, 2016 at 9:15 am by Steve Austin

24 Ways I Know I’m Not Jesus 2016-08-04T09:15:11-05:00 Steve Austin

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I’m not Jesus. And for good reason.

24 Ways I Know I'm Not Jesus

Every time I try to walk across the neighborhood pool, my shoes get wet.
If I could turn water into wine, I would never turn off the faucet.
If I had the power to make a fig tree wither, I would totally zap my neighbor’s yard. Just for fun.
There is no way I’d be caught mixing spit with mud to smear on somebody’s face. I can barely handle my two-year-old’s snotty nose.
If I could do magic, it wouldn’t be multiplying loaves and fishes. I’d have a chain of Italian restaurants and a watermelon stand with an endless supply!
My life lessons don’t come from stories about buried money or some rich farm dude. I’d talk about gay guys at gas pumps and cutting my foot on a dead catfish.
I would not have been born in a manger with some smelly cows. At a minimum, Motel 6, please and thank you. They say they’ll leave the light on for me. (Guess they missed the memo…I AM the Light of the World.)
I don’t do demons. Or caves. Or pigs.

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