Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Grace is Messy

Home
Meet Steve Austin
About Messy Grace
Books
Speaker
Contact
Categories
- Faith
- Family
  - Marriage
  - Parenting
- Mental Health
- Recovery
- Writing Help
Best of Messy Grace
Support
Supporters
Affirming Churches
ASK STEVE!
Press
The Podcast

Home
Progressive Christian
One Year After Same-Sex Marriage was Legalized, Love Still Wins

One Year After Same-Sex Marriage was Legalized, Love Still Wins

Last updated on: August 18, 2016 at 1:56 pm by Guest Contributor

One Year After Same-Sex Marriage was Legalized, Love Still Wins 2016-08-18T13:56:28-05:00 Guest Contributor

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Nine years ago, I spent a truly perfect day. I stood before God, friends, and family and became a husband to my beautiful wife. But since then, I’ve repeatedly taken that perfect day for granted. I had no idea the incredible privilege it was to freely choose and marry the love of my life and to have that marriage legally recognized.

“Obergefell” may not be a name that is familiar to you, but for those who have struggled to have their relationships legally recognized, the impact of that name changed their life forever. It’s the name of the SCOTUS ruling that legalized same-sex marriage a whole year ago.

According to an article from The Atlantic:

In the one year since the U.S. Supreme Court legalized gay marriage nationwide, the number of gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans individuals married to a same-sex spouse has increased 22 percent.

A new Gallup poll released Wednesday estimates about 9.6 percent of LGBT adults are currently married to a same-sex spouse, up from 7.9 percent before the landmark court decision in Obergefell v. Hodges last June. Gallup estimates about 123,000 same-sex marriages have taken place since the ruling.

My good friend Dennis Gable recently officiated one of those 123,000 weddings. Dennis is a family man, pastor, and visionary who constantly preaches that the love of God isn’t limited to our comfortable boxes. He did what is not always popular by representing God’s blessing on the union of two women. Today, I’m honored to have Dennis share his experience.

–Steve

Celebrating Obergefell One Year Later: Love Still Wins

“I now pronounce you a couple bound by love and commitment. You may kiss your bride.”

These are the words I used to conclude the union of two wonderful women who are very close to me. I recently had the opportunity to officiate the wedding of one of my absolute best friends & her now-wife. Many who were close to the brides were present, but the list of people who weren’t there was heartbreaking.

There were none of the easy-to-forget distant relatives, unnecessary co-workers, or indifferent acquaintances who show up out of obligation or curiosity. The brides didn’t have to provide food and booze for any of those fringe folks who look for unearned opportunities to party on someone’s wedding day.

One of the brides was getting married in her hometown. Her parents still reside there. But she has to live with the truth that they chose not to be present for what is arguably the most special day of her life. This isn’t because they simply made a choice to not invite such “guests;” it’s because disengaged people don’t attend gay weddings. Not even when they are parents.

I couldn’t tell you exactly how many weddings I’ve attended, but I can tell you how many have actually meant something to me. The answer is four. Four weddings where I was in full emotional and spiritual support of the couple coming together before God and their dearest loved ones. The most recent was this wedding that I had the privilege of officiating. I opened up the moment with these words: “I’m pretty sure that by law I have to ask if anyone opposes this wedding… but the real question is, ‘who is wildly excited about this moment?’”

After the brides and I wiped tears from our eyes, we moved forward in the most emotional, supportive, and spiritual wedding I’ve ever been part of. When the only people present are core relationships, you cannot help but be moved.

I met both of these wonderful women back in 2011. We were introduced by a mutual friend and first connected by phone because we lived in different parts of Arizona. I’ll never forget speaking to Angie for the first time and thinking, “She sounds cute… I wonder if she’s single.” I already knew she loved God, art, and community…I just didn’t know she also loved a woman.

As a twenty-nine-year-old Christian guy, I had been groomed to think thoughts like this any time I met a single woman. “Is she the one? Could this be the woman God has been preparing for me?” It seems the church is happy creating codependent, marriage-hungry fiends out of the “straights.” But we don’t do a great job of accepting that someone could be in love with and spiritually tied to someone of the same gender.

Let me wipe some of the dirt off of this one, friends. There are plenty of gay people who love God, are faithful to their partners and long for marriage. In fact, there are so many that we should probably start taking notes. Heterosexuals aren’t exactly improving divorce trends.

Straight people have had the right to marry since the beginning of time. And at times like these, I wonder if the straight community has made such a stink over the SCOTUS ruling because we secretly fear that queer folks might actually do marriage better than us.

Angie’s wedding was filled with love, laughter, and two women who support each other in amazing ways. As a result, I was forced to consider the ways I’ve failed my wife. I haven’t fought for the love I am lucky enough to share with her nearly as hard as my gay peers fight for their relationships. I probably would fight harder if I had to face the same judicial, cultural & spiritual oppression they do.

And as I reflect on the beauty that I was fortunate to be part of in this wedding, I realize something else: the argument over gay rights and the horrible things people say about queer folks in the name of God didn’t matter nearly as much in that moment. Because last weekend, I was honored to witness the tangible ways that love always wins.

Dennis is co-founder of the VLNRABLE app, a public speaker & graphic designer. He is passionate about grace, inclusion, pretty colors & good drinks. Find out more about him at dennisgable.com

Join me, plus a panel of wise and gracious experts TONIGHT on Blab at 8pm EST for a conversation about “Christianity, Queers, and Crisis”. Just click here to join the chat!

Join the Grace is Messy Tribe

You’re in! Now please go check your email to confirm your subscription.

There was an error submitting your subscription. Please try again.

Email Address

The Struggle With Church

Previous Post

June 23, 2016

JOIN US: Christianity, Queers, and Crisis...and What about Orlando?

Next Post

June 24, 2016 Light the Torches! Grace for Divorced Christians

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Anxiety Best of Messy Grace Current Events Depression Faith Family Featured Fiction lgbtq Marriage Mental Health Messy Grace Millennials Parenting Recovery Recovery from a Suicide Attempt Recovery from Abuse Recovery from Porn Addiction Religious Recovery Self Care The Struggle With Church This is My Story (series) Uncategorized Writing Help

Select a Month January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 June 2015 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 June 2013 April 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 September 2011 August 2011 May 2011 July 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does "Moses" mean?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Drawn Out (of water) Born Amid Trouble Rescued Gifted