Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Grace is Messy

Home
Meet Steve Austin
About Messy Grace
Books
Speaker
Contact
Categories
- Faith
- Family
  - Marriage
  - Parenting
- Mental Health
- Recovery
- Writing Help
Best of Messy Grace
Support
Supporters
Affirming Churches
ASK STEVE!
Press
The Podcast

Home
Progressive Christian
Choosing to Forgive My Parents

Choosing to Forgive My Parents

Last updated on: February 25, 2016 at 5:00 am by Guest Contributor

Choosing to Forgive My Parents 2016-02-25T05:00:39-05:00 Guest Contributor

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

What do you do when those who are supposed to raise you, care for you, and protect you don’t do their job? As a Christian, how do you reconcile childhood trauma with a faith that teaches unconditional love, praying for your enemies, and grace for the even the worst of sinners?

In today’s guest post, Tracey Casciano welcomes us into her world and doesn’t shy away from the hard questions.

Grace is messy,

Steve

Until a few years ago, I lived with a big secret. I was ashamed and feared being judged by others, so I kept it to myself. From the outside, my life looked normal and that’s the way I liked it. But living with a secret can weigh on us after a while.

I survived a childhood of physical and emotional abuse from the two people who were supposed to love me the most. After years of living with an alcoholic mother and sexually abusive father, my coping mechanism was to avoid the memories and deny anything was wrong. I had feelings of anger, shame, and guilt from my past but didn’t know what to do.

How do you explain to your friends that your parents have never met your kids? What do you tell your son when he asks why he’s never met his grandparents?

After all the years of wearing a mask and doing my best to hide from the truth, I felt alone. I had been afraid to tell anyone because I didn’t want to be judged. I had been estranged from my parents for years and it weighed on my heart. I felt like I was at the point of no return.

So there I was, in the middle of raising four sons, being a wife, a daughter in-law and friend to many when everything started to come forward. As an only child, I began to worry about what I would do if something happened to my parents. But what could I do about our relationship after all these years?

One day my heart was full of anger, guilt and shame, and I heard God say, “forgive”. I didn’t want to forgive my parents. I believed they didn’t deserve it. It seemed unfair of God to make such a request. I didn’t understand how or why I should forgive the two people who caused me so much pain. It was unexpected and left me feeling alone, but I knew it was time to face my past.

Reluctantly, I went to a counselor and told her everything. The weight of my past was exhausting and I knew if I was ever going to move on, I had to do something. I finally realized God was saying that forgiving my parents would benefit me, most of all, by sparing me from the consequences of living out of an unforgiving heart. As I struggled with the command I had been given, I learned that forgiving my parents didn’t excuse their behavior, but it allowed me to move past the hurt.

I had a lot of questions, and God’s Word helped me sort through them all. Even in the midst of this difficult season, I found love in place of my emptiness, and new courage to move on and grow from this experience.

I wrote my parents a letter, explaining that I was forgiving them, not because they deserved it, but because I needed to stop being a victim of my past.

God helped me forgive just in time. Right in the middle of working through my pain and learning to forgive, my father died. In dealing with my emotions and memories from the past, I also found a new kind of love for my mother. I was given the gift of God’s grace and now I am learning to extend it to my mother, with love.

Through this journey, I have learned to cherish God’s grace more than ever and I am doing my best to share it with others, even when it stings. If you’re in the midst of a difficult time, or find yourself in a tough spot down the road, I hope you’ll remember my story. Life isn’t always easy and forgiveness is a process, but having a strong support system makes a big difference and I have learned that God really is “an ever-present help in time of need”.

I’m no longer the little girl with painful secrets. Today, I’m a grown woman, living in freedom, creating a new legacy for my own children, thankful for God’s grace.

Tracey Casciano is happily married to her college sweetheart and is a busy mom to their four sons. She has a background in special education and taught at a local high school for eight years before she began writing. Her book, “Out of the Darkroom, Into the Light: A Story of Faith and Forgiveness After Child Abuse” is available on her website and Amazon. Join Tracey on her blog, Facebook, and Twitter.

Do you have a #graceismessy story to tell? Submit yours today!

If you’re new to the site, welcome! Here’s three more pieces to check out:

childhood sexual abuse

Previous Post

February 18, 2016

I'm Not Mad at God.

Next Post

February 29, 2016 Finding Grace Where I Least Expected

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Anxiety Best of Messy Grace Current Events Depression Faith Family Featured Fiction lgbtq Marriage Mental Health Messy Grace Millennials Parenting Recovery Recovery from a Suicide Attempt Recovery from Abuse Recovery from Porn Addiction Religious Recovery Self Care The Struggle With Church This is My Story (series) Uncategorized Writing Help

Select a Month January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 June 2015 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 June 2013 April 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 September 2011 August 2011 May 2011 July 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What happened three days after Jesus was crucified?

Select your answer to see how you score.

The sea split The temple was destroyed A giant earthquake He rose from the dead