Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Grace is Messy

Home
Meet Steve Austin
About Messy Grace
Books
Speaker
Contact
Categories
- Faith
- Family
  - Marriage
  - Parenting
- Mental Health
- Recovery
- Writing Help
Best of Messy Grace
Support
Supporters
Affirming Churches
ASK STEVE!
Press
The Podcast

Home
Progressive Christian
The Deaf Man Who Spoke Grace to my Heart

The Deaf Man Who Spoke Grace to my Heart

Last updated on: December 7, 2015 at 5:00 am by Steve Austin

The Deaf Man Who Spoke Grace to my Heart 2015-12-07T05:00:04-05:00 Steve Austin

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I finished teaching my weekly sign language class and felt my nerves subside. I’d been sick over this class in particular all day. Those who know me personally would find that odd, considering I’m a very outgoing person, totally comfortable in front of a crowd, and I’ve taught classes and workshops all over the Southeast for several years.

But I had been physically sick over this class all day long. Why? Because some old friends of mine would be my special guests for the evening. These weren’t just any old friends. These were two of my very closest friends. Deaf mentors of mine for fifteen years and friends for more than twenty. I have called them my “second parents” for as long as I can remember.

So why the anxiety?

I hadn’t seen them in nearly five years. I had never even introduced them to my four-year-old son, these people who had me at their house countless times. Who invited me to join them for day trips and taught me sign language from the time I was twelve years old. He would drop everything to help me if I ever needed it, and she would drive half an hour every week to come eat lunch with me at the middle school so I could practice sign language.

These folks had freely given me their time and their language. I have been professional sign language interpreter for the past eight years because this couple was so generous to me. I owe them a great debt of gratitude for the way they shaped my life.

But I had been sick to my stomach for hours over the thought of having to face them.

Sounds ridiculous, right?

That’s what fear does. Fear turns our stomachs inside out as it buries us under a truckload of irrational thoughts and behavior. Fear weighed on me like an overcoat in the summer I couldn’t seem to take off. Why? Because I hadn’t seen this couple since the suicide attempt. I hadn’t faced them since I lost my job. He didn’t even know. I was so scared of their disappointment. I feared they would no longer approve of me, just like so many others who didn’t know the full story.

I swallowed my fear for the duration of the class and picked up a mask I hadn’t worn in several years. I know how to perform. I am a master at “fake it til you make it,” and I used that old skill set last night. The class went as planned and my students had a wonderful time. I was satisfied and ready to go home.

After the crowd left, the three of us walked to the parking lot together. My old friend, my mentor, this man who had been a father figure to me for so many years, dropped his countenance. His face was calm and his eyes were gracious. I had seen this look many times before. He began to move his hands in a way that told me I was loved.

His fingers silently wove a tapestry of grace in the cool night air as he told me that he had heard the rumors but those words meant nothing to him. “Because I know you. I know Steve,” he said to me. I thought the old man might cry as he let me know how glad he was that I made it through the suicide attempt. He asked me to no longer put him and his wife in the same boat as the others who had turned their backs or given up on me. He told me that he wasn’t interested in the gossip.

What he was saying is that I mattered. He did not believe the words of those who would spread judgment. He believed in me.

Grace shows up in unlikely places if we keep our hearts and minds open. What fear buries, grace resurrects. Fear pushed me to withdraw from precious friends for years, but grace promises to redeem lost time. Fear convinced me to lump these friends with everyone else who had hurt me, but grace is a reconciler.

What about you? Has fear tried to separate you from those you love? Maybe not a person–maybe a dream or gift you’ve run from. Like me, have you found your self-worth wrapped up in fear ? If your self-esteem has been torn down, grace promises to build back up.

Perfect love continues to cast out fear as it shatters judgement.

I wish the whole world could be deafened to the noise of condemnation the way I was that night. Grace can be heard in any language.

Check out my interview with Good Men Project! Just click here.

Previous Post

December 5, 2015

Love is the Most Audacious Way to Change the World

Next Post

December 8, 2015 How One Person Put Grace into Action

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Anxiety Best of Messy Grace Current Events Depression Faith Family Featured Fiction lgbtq Marriage Mental Health Messy Grace Millennials Parenting Recovery Recovery from a Suicide Attempt Recovery from Abuse Recovery from Porn Addiction Religious Recovery Self Care The Struggle With Church This is My Story (series) Uncategorized Writing Help

Select a Month January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 June 2015 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 June 2013 April 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 September 2011 August 2011 May 2011 July 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What did Job famously say in response to loss: "The Lord gave and..."?

Select your answer to see how you score.

The Lord has taken away May His name be praised I will run away I have nothing left