{"id":8427,"date":"2024-02-18T19:27:46","date_gmt":"2024-02-19T00:27:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/gracecoloredglasses\/?p=8427"},"modified":"2024-02-18T19:27:46","modified_gmt":"2024-02-19T00:27:46","slug":"if-i-should-die-before-i-wake","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/gracecoloredglasses\/2024\/02\/if-i-should-die-before-i-wake\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cIf I Should Die Before I Wake\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>
How is it possible to sleep when you are the target of a massacre? How can you allow yourself to doze off when you know you might not wake up? Only total exhaustion can break through the self-preservation instinct.<\/p>\n
Total exhaustion, or utter resignation. Or the lull of a surveillance drone, hovering, sensing your presence behind the covered windows.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow I lay me down to sleep.<\/p>\n
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.\u201d<\/p>\n
Once you\u2019ve grown accustomed to a drone watching your every move, maybe you begin to feel a wry gratefulness that it\u2019s \u201conly\u201d a surveillance drone. It can\u2019t hurt you. It\u2019s a white noise machine that helps you sleep.<\/p>\n
\u2026if you\u2019re totally exhausted or utterly resigned to the possibility of not waking up.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I should die before I wake\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
You say your prayers, perhaps skeptically, because what kind of God would allow this kind of suffering? Or half-heartedly, because maybe death would be better than the torture of waiting. You\u2019re frankly tired of the suspense \u2013 will it be a sniper, an airstrike, a tank shell? Will it be quick or drawn-out? Or will it be an undignified death from diarrhea, or a slow death from starvation? Or perhaps you pray with every fiber of your being because what is left now, except faith?<\/p>\n
Another thought: what if you wake up alive and covered in dust, but your loved ones are buried under rubble? Will they call you for help\u00a0 \u2013 or will they be blissfully silent, liberated \u2013 leaving you to go on \u201cliving,\u201d crushed like them, but invisibly?<\/p>\n
A photo from Musa showing the building next door that had been bombed.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
Musa texted me yesterday to say his mother had just gone next door for a moment, when the house \u2013 full<\/em> of<\/em> people<\/em>, mind you \u2013 was bombed and destroyed. She had barely escaped.<\/p>\n
\u201cPeople were lying in the streets and charred corpses.\u201d No one else survived.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat I can say is that sometimes you are separated from death by only a few moments.\u201d<\/p>\n
Musa added, \u201cWe survived this time.\u201d<\/p>\n
This time?<\/em><\/p>\n
One near-death experience is enough to last a lifetime, but Musa and his family have experienced many<\/a><\/span>.<\/p>\n
The other day, he sent this message:<\/p>\n
\u201cI will tell you a joke. People are leaving Rafah and coming to Nuseirat.\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a cruel joke: Rafah is in the crosshairs, packed with displaced, homeless people, waiting to be attacked by one of the world\u2019s most powerful armies. Some of them are escaping from Rafah and coming to Nuseirat, where Musa and his family live \u2013 but Nuseirat is also an evacuation zone.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe are living a farce,\u201d he tells me.<\/p>\n
The other day, he woke up in the morning to the news that 100 people in Rafah had been killed<\/a> in a matter of minutes overnight. Why? As a diversion, so that 2 Israeli prisoners could be rescued. Netanyahu called it \u201cone of the most successful rescue raids in the history of Israel\u2026 A perfect operation that was perfectly executed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPerfectly executed.\u201d Yes, 100 people were successfully executed in their sleep. It is<\/em> a farce.<\/p>\n
Musa, a pharmacist, told me he used to have big dreams of changing the health system so that more people could have access to appropriate treatment, and lives could be saved. He described himself as \u201cthe young dreamer who aspires to travel and wants to move and learn about other cultures and to change the face of the world for the better.\u201d<\/p>\n
Now, everything has changed.<\/p>\n
Israeli warplanes bombed the bakery in the Nuseirat refugee camp.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n*
**
\u201cNow, I live in a spiral of despair and frustration. Everything changed so quickly.\u201d<\/p>\n
**
Instead of making the world a better place, now he dreams of one hour of peaceful sleep, of a glass of clean water, of a quiet house, free from buzzing drones.<\/p>\n
**
Falling asleep without wondering whether you will wake up. Is that too much to ask?<\/p>\n
**
\u201cI no longer listen to Adele with her wonderful voice. Rather, I am forced to hear shells, gunfire, and the sound of missiles. This sky is full of warplanes to send our souls to the sky. I also listen to the radio daily, perhaps we will find a small paragraph that talks about a ceasefire.\u201d<\/p>\n
**
*Musa knows that the United States is opposed to a ceasefire. I can\u2019t explain to him why anyone would think war is better than ceasefire. But he doesn\u2019t need to be told that he is is hated for being Palestinian.<\/p>\n
He writes, \u201cWhat is happening, dear world in general, and American friends in particular, is genocide. We must agree first that what is happening is genocide, genocide<\/em>. With killing, hunger, deprivation, and thirst. I remember very well how we were 40 people eating one can of beans<\/a><\/span>, and I remember that in moments we were sleeping from hunger and dying from the cold and our nerves were dying from fear.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ah yes \u2013 hunger is perhaps another way to sleep. Starvation can be a sedative, I suppose.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow I lay me down to sleep.<\/p>\n
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.<\/p>\n
If I should die before I wake\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
What is happening is genocide, genocide<\/em>. Someone will die tonight. The rest will wake up and say, \u201cwe survived\u2026this time<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n
But, for what? Survived for what? <\/em>To spend another day running, hiding, freezing, terrified?<\/p>\n
To spend another day knowing your life is worth nothing, your death does not matter, the chase is nothing but a game, a farce.<\/p>\n
People wonder why Palestinians would do something so radical as break out of their prison on October 7th. Where did all that anger come from?<\/p>\n
From this. What has happened in the last four months is exactly what has been happening for seventy-five years. Only now it\u2019s happening a bit faster.<\/em><\/p>\n
Musa asks you, my readers: \u201cHave you ever heard that roses and chocolate liberated a country?\u201d<\/p>\n
The Israeli journalist Gideon Levy wrote<\/a>, just two days after October 7th (emphasis added):<\/p>\n
Behind all this lies Israeli arrogance; the idea that we [Israelis] can do whatever we like, that we\u2019ll never pay the price and be punished for it. We\u2019ll carry on undisturbed.<\/span><\/p>\n
We\u2019ll arrest, kill, harass, dispossess\u2026We\u2019ll fire at innocent people, take out people\u2019s eyes and smash their faces, expel, confiscate, rob, grab people from their beds, carry out ethnic cleansing and of course continue with\u00a0the unbelievable siege of the Gaza Strip, and everything will be all right.<\/span><\/p>\n
Once again it was proved that this isn\u2019t how it is. A few hundred armed Palestinians breached the barrier<\/a><\/span> and invaded Israel in a way no Israeli imagined was possible. A few hundred people proved that it\u2019s impossible to imprison two million people forever without paying a cruel price.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n
The Gaza Palestinians have decided they\u2019re willing to pay any price for a moment of freedom.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
If Musa sleeps tonight, if he is exhausted, resigned, or hungry enough, if the surveillance drones drown out the bombs dropping down the street \u2013 he will sleep the sleep of the righteous. \u201cI pray the Lord my soul to take.\u201d<\/p>\n
The rest of us are complicit in genocide, genocide<\/em>.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is me, Musa. I died, so remember my message\u201d \u2013 this how a young man in Gaza writes his will.<\/p>\n
\n
I invite you to subscribe to my<\/span><\/i> newsletter<\/i><\/b><\/a><\/span>. I write about the Palestine-Israel issue regularly, and other issues relevant to progressives or those considering becoming progressive. If you would like to comment on this post, please pop over to my<\/span><\/i> Facebook page<\/i><\/b><\/a><\/span>. All of my posts are there and open to constructive comment. I welcome your thoughts.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n
Contact the people in Washington DC who (allegedly) work for you and tell them, <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cENOUGH. CEASEFIRE NOW. NO MORE WEAPONS TO ISRAEL. STOP THE GENOCIDE. NOW \u2013 OR YOU\u2019RE FIRED.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n
Reach your Representative <\/i><\/b>here<\/i><\/b><\/a>, and your Senator <\/i><\/b>here<\/i><\/b><\/a>. Email President Biden <\/i><\/b>here<\/i><\/b><\/a>.<\/i><\/b><\/h4>\n\n
\n*****
**
READ MORE ABOUT PALESTINE:<\/strong><\/p>\n
**
*****Posts about my Gazan family (in chronological order):<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n
\n\nFollow this refugee family\u2019s quest for survival in Gaza<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nThe hardest decision our family in Gaza has ever made<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nThe unexpected one-word message coming out of Gaza today<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nThe new normal: eating during a famine in Gaza<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nThe truth about Gaza: \u201cI swear, we don\u2019t mind death\u201d<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nThe reality of survival in Gaza, on Spiritual Brewpub<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n3 funerals and a wedding in Gaza<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n\u201cWe\u2019re surrounded. Israelis are everywhere. We are dying.\u201d<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n\u201cWe were surrounded by tanks. It\u2019s a miracle we got out.\u201d<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n*****
**
*****Further reading on the Palestine-Israel issue:<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n5 tips for finding the best news reporting on Palestine<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nYou need to meet this little girl named Hind<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nDoes Israel really have \u201cthe most moral army in the world\u201d?<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nWestern \u201ccivilization\u201d exposed for its colossal ruthlessness<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nTo Biden, Palestinian genocide is already complete<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nThe lies we believe about Gazan Christians are killing them<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nCan followers of the Prince of Peace support a group that uses violence?<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nWhy support for Palestinian resistance is the right response for Christians<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nThis thought experiment will make you smarter about Gaza and Israel<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nA Palestinian Pastor\u2019s powerful message to us: \u201cit\u2019s time to stop praying\u201d<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nChristians: Why do we skimp on compassion when it comes to Palestinians?<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nDon\u2019t compromise truth on Israel and Palestine<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\nWhat People Of Faith Need To Know About Gaza And Israel Right Now<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n
FEATURED IMAGE: by Jp Valery<\/a> via Unsplash<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
How is it possible to sleep when you are the target of a massacre? How can you allow yourself to doze off when you know you might not wake up? Only total exhaustion can break through the self-preservation instinct. Total exhaustion, or utter resignation. Or the lull of a surveillance drone, hovering, sensing your presence […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4414,"featured_media":8514,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1398,100,403],"tags":[477,1158,1386,1404,655],"class_list":["post-8427","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gaza-family","category-injustice","category-palestine-and-israel","tag-gaza","tag-genocide","tag-gratitude","tag-starvation","tag-war"],"yoast_head":"\n\u201cIf I Should Die Before I Wake\u201d<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"How is it possible to sleep when you are the target of a massacre? 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A curtain was pulled back on conservative Christianity, and instead of ignoring the ugliness I saw, I confronted it. I began to ask questions I never thought I'd ask, and found answers I'd never expected. Old things began to fall away, and \u2013 behold! \u2013 the new me has come. What a gift to be a new, still-evolving creation. I found out that it's better to look at the world through Progressive Lenses, with Grace-Colored Glasses. A little more about me: I've been happily married to my husband for 35 years, and we have 4 grown children. My husband, a Palestinian born in Gaza, has taught me a great deal about the world outside the little white, middle class bubble in which I grew up. I was privileged to live in the Middle East for ten years, where I learned even more about the world, thanks to diverse friendships and extensive travel. For years, I've worked in advocacy for Palestinian justice. The more I learn, the more I see that the Palestinian issue is much like that of other oppressed and demonized groups, both in the past and today. I blog about Palestine at PalestineHome.org.","sameAs":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/gracecoloredglasses\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/gracecoloredglasses","www.linkedin.com\/in\/kathryn-shihadah-84021519a","https:\/\/twitter.com\/GlassesGrace"],"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/gracecoloredglasses\/author\/kshihadah\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/gracecoloredglasses\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8427","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/gracecoloredglasses\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/gracecoloredglasses\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/gracecoloredglasses\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4414"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/gracecoloredglasses\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8427"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/gracecoloredglasses\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8427\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/gracecoloredglasses\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8514"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/gracecoloredglasses\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8427"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/gracecoloredglasses\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8427"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/gracecoloredglasses\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8427"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}